PLEASE ANSWER!!! Song I wrote, what do you think? Honest opinion, easy points :P lol?

I posted this song a few days ago, but I finally got a chance to work on it some more... So what do you think? I'm still not sure if it's finished yet, it just doesn't really feel complete.

I was thinking of taking out the chorus between the second verse and the bridge, and maybe repeating the chorus at the end or something, let me know what you think :)

Verse one.

All those inside jokes that no one else understands...

I don't even know how to be me,

Without you here to hold my hand.

I see your face everywhere I go,

The idea of “us” is stuck in my brain.

I did everything you wanted,

Just because you said so…

Why is it causing me so much pain?

Chorus.

I thought I was smarter than this.

Now I feel like a fool.

Left lying here alone again...

You came up with dazzling words,

And I drank it all in...

Disguised behind extravagant lies,

You were such a beautiful sin.

Verse two.

Everywhere I look, there’s a memory,

Things hidden in our past…

I thought that you would always be here,

But you never planned to make it last.

I hoped you would come to your senses,

And see what you left behind.

But you never even turned around...

And I realized you were never mine.

Chorus.

I thought I was smarter than this.

Now I feel like a fool.

Left lying here alone again...

You came up with dazzling words,

And I drank it all in...

Disguised behind extravagant lies,

You were such a beautiful sin.

Bridge.

They say love is blind, so I guess I was too...

You can’t always trust your heart,

You never know what it’ll get you into…

Chorus.

I thought I was smarter than this.

Now I feel like a fool.

Left lying here alone again...

You came up with dazzling words,

And I drank it all in...

Disguised behind extravagant lies,

You were such a beautiful sin.

6 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's really, really hard to judge a song by just the lyrics. There are songs out there with the dumbest or most monotonous lyrics that rock just because of a kickin beat. For a true people's opinion a song should be heard, not read. If you want to be a serious songwriter, record yourself singing it (or having someone else sing it) with some music if possible. Even if it's rough, people will be able to tell if it can be a hit or not.

  • pooser
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    I relatively love it. I can see it being a catchy track that individuals sing on off-days, type of like Bad Day by way of Daniel Powter =) Only factor I could take out is "It's a visitors jam while you gotta' be someplace" on account that it sounds plenty like the road from Alanis Morrisette's tune Ironic. Don't wanna see well lyrics move down rationale of that!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's alright,

    I don't like this bit though

    "You came up with dazzling words,

    And I drank it all in...

    Disguised behind extravagant lies,

    You were such a beautiful sin."

    And it's way too cliche.

    And did you really need to post twice?

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvXlp...

  • 1 decade ago

    I would say... It's not terrilbe but, trying changeing up the lyircs so it can rhyme. It's very good but it's missing that *KICK* That seperates it from other songs.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sounds very good :o) Your very talented!

  • 1 decade ago

    What are the chords?

    Source(s): Those are just lyrics
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