Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Forgive him or not?Please read?

Know each other for 18 yrs,we both are made for each other,never had any other mean or woman in our lives.both had very different attitudes had arguments but loved each other and we lived forever.he had fantasy of 3some with another woman,talked me into,tried for 5 years but did not find right woman to do it,just had some oral fun that is all,i was ok.had a baby 3 yrs ago,maybe have neglected him,overwhelmed with baby,was frustrated as he was not helping me with baby,3 yrs passed by,still i was taking care of child so was tired.when i was out of country he had 2 month emotional affair with his married employee,she did magic on him,cried,talked abt her unhappy married life,praised him,how he looks handsome and etc,very sexy,they texted every 5 mts,called and spoke for hours,when her husband was away.she also wanted to make a baby with him,and he said he will never leave me or my daughter and she said its fine,i will stay with my husband u just make me a baby;i came back and he told her all truth before i asked him,so i knew only becos he told me,he thought he found us a 3some woman( but she did not agree for 3some) but 2some with him and he thought he can talk her into like he did with me and i never ever mentioned that 3some can be a an emoional drama like this it will be just a fun one night stuff that is all and he is aware of this as well.After i came to know i filed for divorce and took my child and went to my moms for 1 week.that is when he missed and realized the importance of me and cried and begs me to come back and says sorry cant live without me and etc and i think he really means it.and he slowly realized that she manipulated him with all affection which was NOT true just fantasy.she is muslim woman and i told her husband and he says he trust his wife that she will never do such things.my husband swears they never had sexual intercouse,or oral sex at all( they waited for me...haaa).He wants us back and wants to start a new life and hates that woman and never loved her he thought he did;she is out of his life 200% and cares a least,just wants my love trust back.ready to give up anything for me.gave away all the bank balance to me and changed everything to my name as 100% to prove that he loves me so much all he needs is me.Now my Q is do i trust him and withdraw my divorce and forgive him and live? I beleive he will never do this again with another woman but he may connect back with the same woman,i maybe wrong he says he will NEVER go back,do i punish that woman by letting her family friends know what kind of life she is living or god will take care of her?btw i have all phone records,text messages as proof and my husband itself is proof.

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Update:

thanks for all the answers.Yes if he did not tell me about the affair i might have not known,and there must have been no stop to it.

yes he was honest and expressed his desire abt 3some he can have easily cheated on me in these 18 yrs,but his fantasy is to see me with another woman(ummm) not just other 2 woman without me. my hurt is how can he have such an emotional affair with her.all love hug text messages,i think and trust that he did it in that spur of moment that he found 3rd wheel after 5 yrs of trying and did not want to lose it;but i said i am hurt becos we both need to find our 3rd not just you that was deal.Now there is no more deals! he just loves me and cares for me so much i think i am becoming ateenager when i met him;but still urt and angry and that ***** will have her day.(btw she was my daughter teacher)

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Dang man..... learn to type...

    can't make sense out of half your crap.

  • sash
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I can't believe I'm about to say this but I am..Forgive him! IF he ever does anything like this again. Divorce him, no matter what he says. I think your husband loves you and you love him. You have a child together too! Give it one more try and tell him how you feel and if this happens again you will never come back to him. Next time he speaks about 3some. tell him NO WAY! As a matter of fact. Before you go back with him talk with him about that. If he isn't satisfied with just you then you don't need to be with him. I wish you and your family the best of luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't know if this helps but shortly after our 10 year anniversary, I began cheating with a home wreck for very similar reasons. It took me cheating for about 8 months, then moving out for 4 months moving back in and then I still saw her a few times after that, nearly 2 years total, wasted on a home wrecker like that, that I have taken from my family. I have been back with and faithful to my wife, who has NEVER wronged me even through all of that, for 2 years now, and I am sure I will never chance losing her for ANYBODY! again.

    Source(s): Our experiences differ only in that we did have the 3 some we her best friend and we got all wrapped up in that. Its only us now & forever!
  • 1 decade ago

    try to work it out. bringing another person into your marriage isnt going to fix anything, whether its one night or an ongoing thing. if anything it would cause problems. especially because it sounds like like youve been searching for the needle in a haystack. if it was purely just for fun why would it matter after 3 years of searching who it is. its not like youre marrying her too. but thats not what marriage is about anyways. see how it goes for a little while and if you feel like you still cant trust him, then walk away. as for the woman, she already knows she did wrong. all things come to light so dont be the one to shine it. dont get involved in someone elses family, work on your own first. as wrong as it was you dont want to cause more problems for yourself, it sounds like her husband already doesnt believe you anyways.

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  • Wendy
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    If you do go back to him, you have to lay down ground rules of what you both can and can't do, I think one of the important things is not having threesomes, its only exclusively the two of you and your child.

    You need to create a strong foundation for your relationship so it grows and the two of you develop together, rather than him convincing you do things or accept things that you normally wouldn' put up with.

    You know in your heart what you should do, just look out for number one (you).

  • 1 decade ago

    Okay well this is complicated.

    Seeing how he has ongoing fantasies of another women.

    I would have to say you know him best, and if you honestly with 100 percent of yourself believe he will not do this again then give him another try. If you have any doubts at all, then don't

  • 1 decade ago

    trust your gutt instinct=if he has done it once he will do it again unless he is willing to undergo councilling or some kind of relationship therapy,a lot of men who do this have abandonment issues from younger years and generally have a complex diagnosis go by how you feel but be prepared for an open relationship as the saying goes?once done it will be done again

    Source(s): a person I know went thought the same
  • 1 decade ago

    perhaps, we should also give him some credits for telling the truth and for being so honest with you about his fantasies... not all men have the guts to be that so honest and true.

  • 1 decade ago

    you get into these things and then expect to get out of it turn to God and ask forgiveness then he will par den you

  • 1 decade ago

    Forgive him. He's telling the truth, I think.

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