I am being too selfish or is it okay to feel this way?

Recently, my boyfriend, whom I've been going out with for almost a year, hasn't been giving me as much attention as he used to. He has a new, foreign exchange living with him and all he's been doing the past month is hang out with him. I know, he has to bond with him and what not but is it too much to ask for him to at least call me once a day and talk for a few minutes? Before, we would talk on the phone every night before we go to bed and either spend time together at school or go to eachother's house. Now, if I'm lucky, he'll call me within 3 days. He also is on the football team so he's busy with that too, but even when he doesn't have football he won't call me for just 10 minutes. I confronted him about the way I felt and he got all in my face about me being selfish, which made me feel worse than I was already feeling. After a long talk, he promised he'd start calling me more often. However, he hasn't. He is still spending all his time with his exchange student and blowing me off. I feel lousy and when I do get to talk to him on the phone, I feel like I'm intruding on his fun. Am I being selfish?

11 Answers

  • 1 decade ago

    You're not being selfish. He's being selfish. My friend had a similar problem only the time span would be up to a month almost before they really had a talk that was more than 2 minutes long. There would be weeks before she saw him and he always has something he has to do.

    He's lucky to have you. If he doesn't want to take the time to be a real boyfriend, then maybe he isn't worth it. It's his job as your boyfriend to spend time with you. It's not a real relationship anymore if he won't talk to you. Tell him he needs to work it out, or he'll lose you. You've got to give it to him straight. You're not the attacker here, you're the victim.

  • John
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Ok your not going to like this but . . . the honeymoon is over.

    Most relationships go through this. After six months or a year one or both partners seem to fall out of love and back into life before the relationship. Such as he has.

    It doesn't mean your boyfriend loves you any less. He's just not in puppy dog love anymore. That guy that called you every night was a boy madly in love, who was constently checking to make sure you were too. Now that he knows you truly in love, he dosnt check in every day.

    He no longer feels like he has to stay in touch every minuet because he feels secure. That is big. He feels safe enough with you to have his guy time, and let you have your space to. Haveing time away from each other is important, it makes you time together better.

    Only one problem. You are still in puppy love and are not as secure with things as he is. He thinks your smothering him, and your think he is distancing himself.

    Bottom line tell him you miss the goodnight phone calls, and the together time you used to have. Tell him you are scared.

    Tell him how much you love him, and you dont want to screw things up.

  • 1 decade ago

    no you aren't being selfish at all. relationships are all about communication and if there is no communication then the relationship will start to go down hill as it is going now. i have been in your place. you need to have a in-person talk with him, tell him how much it hurts you, and that you can do your part in giving him his space, but he also needs to find more time for you and that if he cares about the relationship he needs to show it and include you in his life more. don't make it into an argument though because that will go nowhere. if nothing changes, then hunny, he doesn't care for the relationship and you need to end it. there should be no reason for him to have such little time for you.

  • 1 decade ago

    No, I do not feel that is selfish at all.

    The best thing to do is simply: forget him. Make friends, flirt with and date other guys. If he really isn't calling you after he said he would, don't waste anymore time on him.

    If he really cares, he will realize he is losing you and do something about it. If he doesn't try to spend more time with you, it's okay, you will have moved on.

    You deserve to have a guy who will devote time and attention to you! Don't settle for the crap he's giving you now! Go out and find better. =)

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No you are not being selfish.

    He isn't giving you what you need and you should probably just face the fact that it is time to break up with him.

    When your boyfriend goes days on end without wanting to or attempting to talk to you, I'm sorry, but your relationship is pretty much over right now.

    it's time to let go of him and move on to someone else (eventually, not right away) that will be more attentive and more sensitive to your feelings and needs.

  • 1 decade ago

    Telling your boyfriend how you feel is not selfish. i had the same problem and i felt the same way he wouldn't call me as often and it bugged me.. what you need to do is talk to him again but tell him i miss those days when you would talk all night or for a very long time tell him you miss his voice and it upsets you.. make him feel a little guilty..

  • 1 decade ago

    you aren't selfish for wanting to spend time with him; however, you should tell him that you feel this way. if he keeps on making these promises he can't keep, then it's really not working out, because he's isolating you from his life, and you're going to feel more hurt as time goes by.

  • 1 decade ago

    You are not selfish. How can asking someone we love to spare just 10 mins a day for us be selfish.

  • 1 decade ago

    Talk to him about it.

  • 1 decade ago

    not at all!! sounds the other way around hes neglecting you.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.