I just lost my baby how do i recover?

I found out i was pregnant and it was the best day of my life me and my husband have been trying for two years, and it finally happened. then on the 10th of august i had a miss carraige. It is the hardest thing to loose a child. But i thought i was handling it well, then today i find out my 19 yr old sister is 5 months pregnant. she is very immature and has no place to live or no job to suport the baby. she drinks and smokes and everything else i mean come on she's 19 but i did everything right i didnt smoke drink or anything i even stopped drinking pop but i lost my baby. I don't understand why this happened. i was doing good with it until i found out that she dont deserve or even want a baby. My friends think im over reacting cause im hurt and confused.. im not mad at her im just mad at the situation. Why do bad things happen to good people??? and why me i did everything i was suppose to and i end up losing the best thing that ever happened to me. people say with time it will get better but i dont see how it will.. how do i get over the pain and how do i stop being so mad.. i'm mad all the time i cant even watch my favorite baby shows (birthday) anymore when i see babies i cant stand it. i get mad at people in public with babies.. i feel jealous of them.. and thats not like me. i am scared this is going to ruin my marraige its stopped my life in a second and i dont know how to start it again???? Please help i dont know how to live now?? and please dont say time they told me that after my mom died when i was 14 and here it is 7 yrs later and it still hurts like it was yesterday...

6 Answers

  • ccc922
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I am so very sorry for your loss. This is such a new thing, how dare anybody tell you to get over it so soon. You will always remember your baby you lost, but it is going to get easier. I know you don't want to hear that, but a miscarriage is a lot different than a 14 year old child losing their mother. Which I am so sorry about as well.

    So what you need to do is take your time & grieve. You have to realize your husband may not feel the same way as you do, no matter how angry it makes you. My husband really was not into my pregnancy b/c it didn't seem real to him. So your husband may be the same, especially if you weren't showing or didn't have an ultrasound, etc. A lot of men are just different. My husband was such a blessing the last 2 WEEKS of my pregnancy, before then no help at all. I on the other hand was in love w/ my baby from that 1st positive test so I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Again, you just need to grieve.

    Once you feel up to it, you may want to see a fertility specialist. At your age 2 years is a little long to conceive. You never know what is going on. I myself had a low progesterone level meaning I had to take supplements to maintain my pregnancy. One problem like that, just a little thing like a hormone imbalance could make you have a miscarriage. Another thing to remember is unfortunately miscarriages are very common. There may be nothing wrong w/ you or your husband but your body will miscarry a baby that may not survive until birth or have other disorders.

    Your day will come. Good luck.

    Oh & I don't blame you for being jealous. You just worry about getting your baby though.

  • S.Z.
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I'm sorry about what's going on. I can not tell you I know how you feel because I have never suffered the heart ache of losing a child.

    But I would feel a lot of the feelings you're feeling if I did.

    I honestly think that if anything ever happened to my son (god forbid)... That I could not go on, I can't life without him, he is my EVERYTHING.

    I can not tell you why bad things happen to good people. All these crack heads and alcoholics can reproduce no problems, have healthy normal children, but a person who does EVERYTHING right, would be a wonderful parent and truly deserves a child can not have one or has something horrible go wrong with their child such as birth defects...

    It makes no sense to me... But I do believe everything happens for a reason... A lot of people who are unable to have children end up adopting and giving a child a home, a family, a real life...

    I am not saying to give up... I am just saying that motherhood will never not be an option if you keep your mind open to other things...

    And you are right, time does not heal... I know that from personal experience... The pain does not go away over time, the pain never gets better, you just learn to endure and live with it...

    But even though it may seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it is not over for you yet... If you want a child badly enough then don't give up yet...

    My aunt had 4 stillbirths, not miscarrys, actual stillbirths where her child made it to the 3rd trimester but then died. And several miscarrys before she was able to have her son...

    I was child but I watched her cry over the photos of her dead children and it broke my heart to see her go through that, I could feel her pain it was so intense.

    She did not give up and when she was in her early 40's she had a child. A perfect, healthy baby boy.

    I don't know what to tell you to take away the pain, or if there is anything I can say or do to help you, because there is probably not... But I can tell you that there is still hope, you never know unless you keep trying.

    Have you seen a fertility specialist? Did they do any testing on the miscarried fetus? Sometimes there is a specific reason as to why this is happening and it could be a simple fix...

    Try to be optomistic... I am a firm believer in karma and positive thinking...

    I have heard many women say it took them years of trying desperatly but the second they came to terms and stopped trying to force it, it happened naturally...

    I wish you the very best and I hope you do not give up hope just yet...

    Email me if you ever need to talk!

  • 1 decade ago

    I know exactly how you feel!! i went through a missed m/c a couple yrs ago, i didnt even know i lost my baby, until my 8 week ultrasound, i was so excited to see my baby for the first time and then they tell me, my baby doesnt have a heart beat. It was horrible...i also felt the way you did, seeing babies in public and hearing them cry broke my heart..i felt like i hated the world..( at that time)...i lost my 26 week old son due to prematurity and blood infection 3 yrs before that m.c whiich made everything worse..but after my m/c, i tried again for another baby 5 months later...i was scared that it would happen again, but they put me on these weekly shots and gave me an ultrasound every 2 weeks until i was due...=] i now have a happy healthy 10 month old baby girl, who i just adore ( along with my two oldest who are 6 and 8)...it was a journey i went though but just keep your head up..in a few months you can try again and the chances of another mc are very slim =] goodluck and my heart goes out to you!! good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's hard but being mad isn't helping. I was the 1st & only person in my family to have a miscarriage. My husband & i tried for 2 years also. Then when it finally happened we were so excited. Then I went in for my 12 week check up & they couldn't find a heartbeat. We were crushed & it seemed like everyone was else was having babies. But my husband & I just kept trying. I got pregnant again 5 months later & now have a beautiful 4 month old baby girl. Just keep your chin up girl. I know it's easier said than done. Maybe you could talk to a counselor or a support group to help you cope. God bless.

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  • <3
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Don't be getting mad at others. It happens to everybody. I know people who have tried for years upon years. You DON'T give up if you truly want something. Have you seen a doctor about it? Time will help you just have to let it and quit trying to be mad about it. Things happen whether we want them to or not. You'll have a niece or nephew soon. Don't be mad about that. Be happy and be in the kid's life and help your sister get on her feet.

  • 1 decade ago

    don't beat yourself up i was one of the 3 people in my family to have miscarriage, im 18 i wa spregnet at age 16 i know what your thinking y would you have sex at 16 well idk y i was drunk.....anyways its hard to bear trust me i used to smoke b4 i found out thten i quiet cold turkeyt for the baby then when it was gone it scared the crap out of my becuase it happened just like that. my baby was gone i was 5 months into pregnecy when it happened so you can try again but if u dont succeed them try harder if u want the baby then try again

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