8 months pregnant and alone?
Pregnant and Abandoned. What to do?
I'm 21 yrs old and 8 months pregnant. My live-in boyfriend took off on me 3 months ago and I am having a hard time getting by.
Up until I got pregnant he and I were together every day. I'll admit we argued a lot, but at the end of the day the two of us knew that no matter what, we loved each other and would be there for one another. At least that is what I thought...
When we found out about the pregnancy he just kind of shut down. He starting changing; acting totally out of character. He started coming home later and later, sometimes not until 3-4 AM without even calling to let me know where he was. He started drinking a lot and smoking weed. Eventually he moved out and started living with his father. He got laid off from his job and started selling drugs.He started yelling at me all the time and was constantly being nasty. I'd go days without hearing from him. And that turned into weeks without seeing him. When I did talk to him or see him he was cold and distant and I'd end up feeling more alone. But then every once in a while he'd call or text saying "sorry. I miss and love you so much. I just want to be a family"
I have such mixed emotions. I feel hurt and betrayed. For the first month and a half I could barely get out of bed to make it to work. As much as I tried to keep my head up and stay strong for my baby, the tears just wouldn't stop. I couldn't get past the fact that someone I lloved so much could just turn his back on me when I need him the most.
On the other hand, I couldn't be happier about having the baby. I can't wait to hold her and hug her and love her. I smile everytime I feel her lil kicks=] She truly is the light admist a dark situation.
It has been three months. I don't cry as much anymore (just here and there). It feels like the sun is finally being to come out again. I'll go a couple weeks without hearing from him and be just fine, but the second we talk I break down all over again. I hate that he has this power over me. I try ignoring him, but it is a lot easier said than done. I don't think I can ever take him back, but a part of me is still so attached.
Anyways I could really use some advice..
He says he wants to be involved in his daughter's life, but at the same time, if he was so quick to abandon me, I fear he will do the same to her. Also, he wants to be there when the baby is born. Should I let him? And he wants his name on the birth certificate. However, every time we argue he says " you should just had an abortion" or "I'm just going to sign her over to u and move on with my life". I feel like he is too unstable to be a good influence for my lil one and even though I would love her to a have a father who is involved, I don't want her mind being skrewed up with his childish games? Anyone out there have a take on the situation? I know this is really long, but I could use some advice=/
Thanks for the advice and encouragment everybody. Definitely gives me confidence that staying away from him is best for now. Appreciate it.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
wow well i was 17 and pregnant with my first child, her father left me when he found out i was prego too, it's not easy to go through this but all in all god does things for a reason. he has something better in plan for u and yes times are tough for you right now. the best thing u can do is just go about ur days like if he is nothing but a sperm donor it's always easy for a guy to just get up and leave. but u are the one ur loving daughter needs. remember that she is a gift from god, u can always go and apply for food stamps or for cash assistance if u need to. but u are going to be number one to ur child.
when my daughter was 8 months old i met a man who fell in love with her and we have been together since, she is now 9 years old and has a sister that is a pain in my rear ...lol all in all if it wasn't for her my man wouldn't of had stopped me. he is the best thing to ever happen to me not including my children. i know life feels tough but i know that everything will be ok, if he comes back just remember that he will leave just as easy as he showed up with no baggage u have to be a strong woman for ur child and learn how to do it on ur own.esp if the guy drinks a lot and is smoking pot. remember drinking affects ur judgment first and people don't realize what they are doing when they drink. u don't want the negative atmosphere around ur precious baby. keep it happy from now on until ur baby comes cause everything u feel she feels and u don't want her to be an upset baby all the time.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Ok, well, you have obviously been through alot recently, its great that you've stayed strong for your baby. If he is so unstable, is it wise to let him have full contact with the baby straight away? Spend some time with him, let him reasure you he is going to be a good dad, if he isnt going to be, you dont want him having bad effects on your baby, which is the most important thing, you are obviously a strong woman, you can do this alone, but give him a chance before the birth, because you obviously still love him, and you cant help that, but if he carries on drinking the way he was, and if he brings drugs into your home with a baby, he shouldnt be there, its unfair to you, you and your little one deserve MORE x
- 1 decade ago
1. Make sure you get good prenatal care. You can always go to Planned Parenthood.
2. See if you can get federal or state aid with your bills. In some instances you are entitled to the WIC program or other assistance.
3. PUT HIS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
4. If you cannot afford a lawyer - contact Legal Aid and take him to court for child support.
Honey - he is a mess! He may or may not grow up, but he is still responsible for child support until that kid hits 18. If he really is selling drugs (and you are not saying that just because you are angry at him) then use that as a leverage.
Bottom line: you are BOTH parents - so he has to bear the responsibility.
He will respect you more if you are one tough cookie who means business. You owe it to your little girl.
- eydievilleLv 41 decade ago
first, he owes you child support and for that you need a lawyer. you sound like you qualify for legal aid, so tackle that first. secondly, you need to realize one thing: once you become a mother, your life no longer belongs to you. you have to do the best thing for your child-always. the court will decide the visitation issue, but this man is a walking disaster. you may not be able to control him having contact with the child you have together, but you do have control over the contact he has with you. you deserve a man who will treat you well. but really, when the baby comes, you'll have your hands full. put men on the back burner for awhile, concentrate on your child and yourself. this man will always be in your life because he is your child's father, but that is where the involvement should end. i'm a 52 year old mother of a 21 year old son and i can tell you that you will never do more worthwhile work than that of motherhood and you need a man worthy of you.
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- 1 decade ago
what a f'in jerk
u know when he wouldnt come till late night he was off f'in some other chick
and if he is telling you to sign his name on the birth certificate then bring up his lil comments about abortions
and no dont let him see the baby be born
he is scum if i was in his possition i would man up and take the responsibility of what i was delt with im sorry for ur problem
but i say dump him and apply for well fare and medicare for the baby
and this is up to you
you can make him pay for child care
and if i where u i wouldnt let him see the baby so u can **** with him
destroy his ***
- JessicaLv 41 decade ago
there is no advice that can tell you what to do.you are going to do what your heart tells you no mater what advice we give.you know how he is ,and you know what he's capable of being.the question is this.are you willing to give him another chance at the risk being hurt?until he has got off drugs and out of that lifestyle,you will never be happy with him and he will not be good to have around a baby.he is too unstable right now.please be careful in how you deal with this situation.you are obviously a sensible and smart woman based on what you wrote.i hope you have the strength to do what you know is right.and hopefully your family will be there to help support you in your decisions.
- 1 decade ago
even if he doesnt want to be in your daughters life shes probably better off without him. Me and my daughters father have some of the same issues but my daughter puts a smile on my face day and night. But be sure to put his name on the birth certificate. He made her as well and if he chooses not to help you can take him for chil suppot ! Focus on your daughter cause shes all that matters
- Anonymous1 decade ago
just try to forget him find some one else that will love you and could be there for u and the baby. you tell him if you want to see ur daughter he got to put his act together stop being a *** and say that u can see her on days that is fine for you and only if his puts his act together u don't need some one like that and you don't need to put up with that not on but keep strong and keep your head up you are doing well don't change thatSource(s): My sister was in the same boat I look after her and the baby once the baby growed up she found some one better
- Produh GLv 41 decade ago
i have no expereince in this watsoever, but im gona take a stab in the dark and theres a chance that i mite help u, i would give him 1 last chance, just sit down with him and talk with him, choose ur words carefully u have to let him kno how important he is, and how happy it would make u if he was to be there for his daughter, and if hes a good man he would want to make u happy, if he cant do that, then hes not for u