Pregnant and Abandoned. What to do?
I'm 21 yrs old and 8 months pregnant. My live-in boyfriend took off on me 3 months ago and I am having a hard time getting by.
Up until I got pregnant he and I were together every day. I'll admit we argued a lot, but at the end of the day the two of us knew that no matter what, we loved each other and would be there for one another. At least that is what I thought...
When we found out about the pregnancy he just kind of shut down. He starting changing; acting totally out of character. He started coming home later and later, sometimes not until 3-4 AM without even calling to let me know where he was. He started drinking a lot and smoking weed. Eventually he moved out and started living with his father. He got laid off from his job and started selling drugs.He started yelling at me all the time and was constantly being nasty. I'd go days without hearing from him. And that turned into weeks without seeing him. When I did talk to him or see him he was cold and distant and I'd end up feeling more alone. But then every once in a while he'd call or text saying "sorry. I miss and love you so much. I just want to be a family"
I have such mixed emotions. I feel hurt and betrayed. For the first month and a half I could barely get out of bed to make it to work. As much as I tried to keep my head up and stay strong for my baby, the tears just wouldn't stop. I couldn't get past the fact that someone I lloved so much could just turn his back on me when I need him the most.
On the other hand, I couldn't be happier about having the baby. I can't wait to hold her and hug her and love her. I smile everytime I feel her lil kicks=] She truly is the light admist a dark situation.
It has been three months. I don't cry as much anymore (just here and there). It feels like the sun is finally being to come out again. I'll go a couple weeks without hearing from him and be just fine, but the second we talk I break down all over again. I hate that he has this power over me. I try ignoring him, but it is a lot easier said than done. I don't think I can ever take him back, but a part of me is still so attached.
Anyways I could really use some advice..
He says he wants to be involved in his daughter's life, but at the same time, if he was so quick to abandon me, I fear he will do the same to her. Also, he wants to be there when the baby is born. Should I let him? And he wants his name on the birth certificate. However, every time we argue he says " you should just had an abortion" or "I'm just going to sign her over to u and move on with my life". I feel like he is too unstable to be a good influence for my lil one and even though I would love her to a have a father who is involved, I don't want her mind being skrewed up with his childish games? Anyone out there have a take on the situation? I know this is really long, but I could use some advice=/
Thanks for the advice and encouragment everybody. Definitely gives me confidence that staying away from him is best for now. Appreciate it.
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
What should you do?
Learn the lesson. Old fashioned morality was there for many good reasons. It protected women from situations like this.
"He says he wants to be involved in his daughter's life, but at the same time, if he was so quick to abandon me, I fear he will do the same to her."
You are starting to wise up! Good!
- ~*Mama-of-Two*~Lv 61 decade ago
That sounds like a very difficult situation. You're doing the right thing by being strong for your baby. I think you need to cut off connections with him for awhile. Let him know that if he continues with his destructive lifestyle he will never have contact with his baby. You could allow him at the hospital if you really want him there but it might be more trouble than its worth. You shouldnt have his name put on the birth certificate especially if you dont want him having custody rights. (he could still go for custody after a dna test but if hes on drugs no court would allow him visitation) Suggest him to get into drug rehab or counseling. Most states offer free co-parent counseling too. So if he does straighten up, you can get along for the childs sake. Whatever you do, dont take this man back any time soon. I know you want a happy family but it wont work right now. He needs to earn your trust back and prove to be a real man. I hope he figures out what he is losing before its too late. Good luck!
- 1 decade ago
Im sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds really hard. This is what I would do.. I would honestly remove all form of contact with him.. I would move.. I would change e-mail.. phone #.. etc. I think he is playing games with you, and if you remove his ability to contact you he can't play games and he can re-think what he is doing with his life.. rather than being caught up in these games he is playing. I know this is a perfect situation, to just disappear. Maybe you can't financially get away or are living close to family etc.. but I would not give into his mind games anymore at all cost. He sounds like he would be a bad father and that he makes you feel horrible. I would make the concious decision to completely remove him from your life. There are many nice guys out there who would love to be apart of your life. You are young and are about to have a beautiful child.. I would toss this trash of a man to the curb. If he threatens to say you should of had an abortion he has no right to be around his child.. he sounds horrible.
- 1 decade ago
I have several friends going through what you are. I never went through that myself. It's sad that he is acting this way. However it's not whats important. Just live your life without him. If he does not want to be there you can't make him. You need to be strong and not baby him. No matter what you still have to wake up each day and live your life with or without him. Now it's about your daughter not him. Your not the only one who has ever been here and it will get better. It's up to you and how much your willing to take. Best wishes and congrats
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
I really think you should just try and forget about him, distance yourself from him. Try and raise the baby on your own as hard as it is and find someone who will love you and your being how you deserve to be loved. There are good men out there, you just got to find them. No one deserves to be going thru that mess during pregnancy. Guys always think they have the right to take off or tell you to give the baby up, when girls are the ones who are stuck with the baby and know the right thing is to do to keep it, mothers already have a bond with the baby being inside of them. It will all be worth it when the baby is born.
- 1 decade ago
I know how people say that ever child needs a mother and a father, but honestly in this situation it just sounds like he brings you down....he needs to grow up, or maybe hes just an ***. Either way things are much healthier with out him, especially when he comes and goes as he pleases. I would put an end to it. I would wait and see, if he does come around and makes an effort to change then start things over with him. And if they don't then get your child support. Who knows maybe it won't work out for you two, but maybe he will want to get along with you so he can see his baby, but if he's just going to be a drug dealer you don't want your precious baby even around that. You sound like your going to be a great mom, and he sounds like a dick, sorry but that sounds like my best friends babies daddy, and believe me, they are both much better without him! Good luck! And things will get better
- 1 decade ago
well reading your situation I feel sorry for you. You should be strong. Dont call him or talk to him just avoid him. Tell him if he doesn't straight up his attitude you will leave him and me a single mother. If he truly loves you he will straighten up ,but if he doesn't he never did love you. I wish you the best with your baby girl (that's how it sounds)and good luck with your boyfriend, dont let him get you down.
- TeKeLv 51 decade ago
First thing...Go see a lawyer. This guy is already trying to get out of being a father by telling you to get a abortion...You need to get child support stated as soon as possible....This is not a man.
- 1 decade ago
Wow, that stinks. Do you need someone to talk to? Send me an e-mail if you want.