My action (tell your wife the truth) is terrible in Western countries? Did I destroy his family?

Now I feel very sad, stress and blamed myseft when that man blamed on me and seems I did something wrong. In fact I just want him to come back to his family and they will Happy together if his wife can forgive him.

Never a single day stop crying for his cheating action.

I met a French man who lives in Rochester NY, in a dating website. He told me that he separated with his wife 5 years and had an unhappy marriage and already sent divorce dox to the court just waited divorce finalizing. From US he sent me a lot of love card, gifts. He called me chat with me everyday and always told me that he missed me and love me so much. He saw me twice in my country and we was very happy together. He said to me he never met so beautifull, nice and well educated woman like me. He seems very nice man I never thought that he cheated on me. I love him so much with all my heart. He sweared with me he loves me so much and will marry me. I feel be cheated and then I searched in internet I found his wife in Facebook. I decided to ask his wife if he separated 5 years and divorce sent to the court as he said. His wife was very shock and upset about her husband. She told me to send her all the proof of her husband affair. I think his wife should know what kind of husband she live with, when her husband cheated on her so I decided to tell her all the truth and sent her all the proofs I have. I also told her before me her husband already loved a Chinese girl when he worked in China. When he left China that girl cried a lot. I knew this story because my boyfriend told me this story himseft. After talking with his wife I knew that they never been separated and he cheated on me. I feel so sorry his wife because I did not know my boyfriend cheated on me about his marriage status at the beginning. I feel hurt and broken heart, because I give my heart for a wrong man. He lied and cheated both his wife and me. I can understand his wife must in pain and hurt so much about his cheating action. That man called me blamed me why told the truth to his wife and why I sent to her the proof and why I destroyed his family? He said I am Vietnamese and do not understand Western thinking. He said to me my action (tell the wife truth) is terrible action in Western countries. I said to him, "I will not lower myseft to love a married man and stole happiness of other woman, I just do the things I should do and give a peace to my soul. " I am so sad but I know I should leave him. He loves NOBODY, he is seftfish and loves only himseft. I just could not understand why he has a nice wife, 3 lovely children and does not respect his family, chose the way to cheat a little woman from other side of the world.? Did I destroy his family? Why an old man can cheated on me like this? I feel very sad and can not understand why that man blamed on me. My action (tell his wife the truth) is terrible in Western countries? Can I believe there is still honest man in this world? I never met great liar and cheater like him in my life. All the men in internet are cheater?

One more thing I could not understand is why his wife still believe cheater when she told me: He is very sorry her and He met a women so nice, beautiful and wonderfull (me) so he can not control his heart and his wife told me that because he loves me so much so cheated on me, and she asked me forgive him too.

Please kindly let me know. Thanks for your answer in advance


Sorry I need more answers because I am very sad and difficult time of broken heart. Thanks.

14 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    First of all, I am very sorry for what has happened to you.

    You did NOT destroy his marriage and family. YOU had no idea of his marital status. HE destroyed his marriage and family. He has probably had many affairs over the years.

    Telling the wife the truth is NOT "terrible in Western countries". That was another lie he told you.

    As far as his wife goes, she may forgive him, depending on her emotional and financial dependence on him, how long they've been together, etc. Whether she forgives him or not, you still did the right thing.

    Not all men are cheaters and liars. I'm sorry that you got hooked up with one. Move on with your life, and know you did the right thing by telling her the truth, and leaving him. Good luck to you.

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    You haven't destroyed any families or done anything wrong. This is all his fault. You did n't lie to the man's wife; rather you showed her the truth about her husband and hopefully put an end to his disgraceful behaviour that he has gotten away with until now. Most humans, male or female, are dishonest, though some more than others. There are genuine respectful people out there, but hopefully this experience has taught you to be more careful and less trusting from the outset. This is especially true of internet relationships, as it is so much easier for people to hide and lie. Take care, but do not give up hope.

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  • jacqua
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You did exactly the right thing, this man was a liar and cheat, no self-respecting western woman with a brain accepts such treatment from her husband unless she has been so broken in spirit that she is a masochist. If he ever comes near you again I would hire a big man to kick his *** all the way back to the United States. Don't ever fall for a foreign traveling salesman, they have another woman in every other country. BUT If you don't take my advice and meet one you like check him out with a private detective before you go to bed with him. Men like that just use women for sex whenever they can and will say anything, promise to marry you etc. Marry him first and then you will be better off.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I am sorry to hear you both got taken by such a liar. All i can say is you didn't ruin his family HE ruined his family when he decided to lead a second life without concern for them or you. This has nothing to do with western or eastern he is just trying to shift the blame to you. If you didn't know he was with his wife then you are not at fault in this, his wife and family were the also victims.

    I would only hope a woman would do the same for me if my husband was going around behind my back.

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  • MS
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You understand western thinking JUST FINE, dear. Western women also want to know if their husbands are cheating sleazes.

    The man is a cheat. He's a bum. He cheated on you, he cheated on his wife, he cheated on the Chinese girl, too. He is a cheat and a jerk.

    Don't feel sad--feel GLAD. Why? You could have spent YEARS being fooled by this idiot. Instead, you know his game, and you warned his wife. You can move on and find someone nice.

    I'd put his picture and name up on the internet everywhere you can, with a note saying "This man cheats on his wife AND his girlfriends!" You might spare another woman a disaster if you do that.

    Good job! You exposed a scumbag! Now, tell the world all about him!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You did the right thing and don't let him tell you anything else. He is the one that is destroying his own family by lying and cheating. He is just lashing out at you to try and make himself feel less guilty.

    Not all men you will meet on the internet are cheats but the internet does make it easy for men to hide the truth about their family circumstances.

    If I were you I would cut off contact with this man and try to find someone that appreciates you.

    Hope this helps but trust me your actions are not terrible even in the western world.

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  • 1 decade ago

    In the West, cheating and lying is simply cheating and lying. And him telling you that its not like that out west is pure garbage. He thought he was going to have the best of both worlds, and you both (both women) got hurt. Hes a sleezy dirt ball and thats what it is. He deserves to lose it all and end up with cheap protitutes in sleezy back streets in the rain. You did the right thing. Move on and forget him.

    Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I just saying what I'm thinking:

    he never loved you. don't be sorry for him. western or eastern, in all cultures he a cheater and has no any respect for Family. when he cheated his wife, he betrayal his wife, he betrayal you so easily.

    But world is full of reliable men. you should find them. for Now be completely free of pains because you discovered his real character early.

    don't be sorry about his life he reap what he planted.

    if you need to talk someone contact me

    Source(s): Just I Think
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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorry, but your description was way too long to read...but I know about old eastern cultures and this is my opinion:

    if you knew he had a wife and kept going out with him, then you were wrong, but if you told him to tell his wife the truth and then dump him, you have corrected your mistake

    now, if you did not know about his wife and told him to tell her the truth after you found out, then your a righteous person and you did no wrong

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sweetheart - he is blaming you for his weakness and his lies. Do not fall for it. It has nothing to do with culture - he is a lying cheat.

    Don't forgive him - learn the lesson - and walk away. Give your love to someone trustworthy. It is better to be alone than married to a cheating scumbag like that.

    His wife believes him because she wants to. That is her business - let them get on with their sorry excuse of a marriage.

    You deserve better.

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