Need immidiate help in next hour, This may ruin my life, PLEASE?

Hey, theres this special on good housekeeping, and i got really horny, so i grabbed the closest thing to me, and stuck my penis in a glass ketchup bottle. now i cant get it out.i tried breaking the bottle, but it all poured out. It looks like a murder scene here! Now my wife gets home in an hour, and she will dump me for this.I am unable to clean it up, due to the fact my member is stuck in a ketchup bottle. Appreciate real answers.

This is real, Ive added this to facebook, craigslist and twitter, but nobody has any help.

Update:

I broke the bottle, and its just the top i cant get out

12 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Cold water over your member would be a good start. I've gotten my finger stuck in a bottle before and this got it out. If that doesn't work I have no idea. Seriously good luck to you though. And facebook? You realize that facebook if public and not anonymous right?

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  • 1 decade ago

    I pray, for your sake, that this is just a joke. Anyway. You need to go to the E.R. right now. The more you move and tug the bottle, the more your "member" will swell. If you break the bottle, you risk severe lacerations. Go to the hospital. It would be better to lose your wife than your wang.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Relax, your wife is here with me. I'll entertain her again so you have time to extract your member.

    And either stop taking that Enzyte stuff or start buying wide mouth Ketchup bottles...

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  • 1 decade ago

    i dont think i could fit my index finger in a ketchup bottle,,, if your penis is that small she wont care or notice

    Source(s): my finger
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  • 1 decade ago

    How about some lube?? Astroglide, etc... smear it around the rim and try to twist it off.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Holy crap..at all costs try to break the bottle.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    lube, lotion, oil, whatever you have...

    soap...all my friends always use soap and warm water when their fingers swell up in the summer and they cant get rings off. liquid soap that is

    i wish you luck and feel very sorry for you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    get some oil or butter or lube or something and try to slide it off.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Lotion....clean fast.

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  • 1 decade ago

    GO have a shower. Relax and it will fall out.

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