Bad Shroom Trip Changed My Life. Need Help?
I had many crazy experiences during the trip. At first i decided to listen to my ipod, which was a crazy experience. I literally felt like my entire body was made of sand and every time i sat up, i felt parts of my body fall back down. I then went to the bathroom, and as i left, i remember my friends telling me not to look in the mirror. As i was taking a piss (the best i've ever taken) i began to notice that the tiles on the ceiling were somehow morphing together. As i left the bathroom, i couldnt help but to look in the mirror. For what i think was about a half hour, i just starred at the mirror. I had a light beard at the time, and i saw every hair on my face just waving in unison as if each hair was alive. At this point i was loving everything. I was having the time of my life.
When i returned to my room, i noticed random neon glowing objects. These objects were both green and orange and i could not explain any of them, but they were the least of my worries. I then decided to lay on my bed as i listened to my friends have conversations about time. I closed my eyes and started having crazy closed-eye visuals. I saw myself traveling through space. There were bright lights gleaming as i zoomed by them. Suddenly i stopped, and focused on one object. (As i was tripping, i found myself answering my own questions. Whatever thought came into my head first, immediately turned into the answer of the question.) As i gazed at this object, I started asking it questions. It told me everything needed to be known. It told me that everyone is the same person, but at the same time, i don't exist. It then told me that this was the answer to all questions, but that there was a catch. Now that i had been informed with this information, my life was over. It was as if we all didn't know this information for a reason. But now that i was aware of it, i seized to exist. I then became overwhelmed with complete depression. I curled up into a ball feeling worthless.
I finally got the courage to get up. I looked over to my roommate's bed, where i saw my friend curled up into a ball crying hysterically. He was screaming "My life is worthless!" "Life is pointless!" As i tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and i literally saw tears of blood falling from his eyes.
My friend (who was on 13 grams) comes barging in the room. I asked him what was going on. He told me that i had died and now i'm in hell. (He later told me he never said this) I then came to the ridiculous assumption that shrooms are a portal on earth that take you to hell.
I then spent the remaining hours (which felt like eternity) feeling as if i had died and gone to hell.
This bad trip really affected me. The day after, i had a complete euphoria, simply because i was so happy it was over. Once i was over the fact it ended, i started realizing how real the experience felt, and i found myself in toxic psychosis. I felt like i lost touch of reality. I found myself going to class and just starring at the walls, debating whether or not the walls really existed. i felt the same about everything. This state of mind lasted for several months.
I'm pretty sure i'm over my bad trip, but i still find myself struggling holding conversation, simply because i don't care what anyone has to say anymore. I used to go out about every night with my friends, but since the trip i find myself at home a lot. I feel disconnected from my friends. I have yet to tell anyone about what really happened and how it has affected my life mainly because i no longer feel close enough with any of my friends to tell them.
What should i do?
I'm really sick of staying home but i just feel so unmotivated to socialize.
I used to be very self confident, but now i'm so paranoid about what people think of me.
I now wonder if any of my friends were really true friends to begin with.
Also, if i were to try shrooms again, will u have another bad trip.
I've heard once you have a bad trip, all your trips turn bad.
I know this is a long post so i'll sum it up:
What should i do?
Should i seek help?
and should i take a lesser amount of shrooms to see if i have a good trip to see if my life will go back to the way it was?