I'm writing a story, tell me if it sounds good so far?

First I'd like to say that it's a love story. I'm still thinking about the title, but for now it's Locket. I also don't know what the main characters name should be. I want it to sound cute with her lovers name (who also is not named yet) Any suggestions for names? Alright here it goes:

Locket

Chapter 1

When I was little, I used to think that if everyone in the world -that owned a car- turned on the AC or Heater, and opened all their car doors, we could change the weather. Like if it was Winter, and everyone turned on the heater in their cars and opened all the doors, it would soon become Summer. But I guess I was wrong. I'm wrong about a lot of things. Strike one.

I once thought that the United States was the World. No China, or Africa, or even England. The entire world was the United States of America. Strike two.

At the age of seven, I stopped believing in cooties. Leading to a crush. Only later to find that it was my "crush" that put that worm in my sandwich that afternoon. And to think that I ever liked him. Strike three and you're out!

* * * *

The warm air kissed my neck, tingling as it did so. I waited outside of Starbucks for Aimee to deliver my Iced Mocha with extra whip cream. She finally came out. One cup in each hand. She handed me my Iced Mocha. The sides covered with falling droplets, as if the cup were crying. I sip it while I close my eyes. Sighing just as my lips parted from the straw.

Aimee walked to the nearest bench, and sat down. Her coffee rocking itself towards the edge. I followed her like a lost puppy.

"I'm so glad school is over," she chirps excitedly.

Nodding, I take another sip. "For once, I might actually become bored," I laugh.

"No way (main character's name)," Aimee scolds, "All we will do is par-tay!" Smirking, she chugs the foam the melted whip cream created. Leaving a foam mustache on her upper lip. I just shrug. I didn't really want to go to any parties. I'd probably just embaress myself.

That's not the whole chapter I just stopped there to see if it's good so far. Please help me with the names and tell me if it's good so far. Anything that doesn't make sense or doesn't sound right or whatever please tell me. And please excuse any spelling errors I was in a rush. Thanks so much! (:

~ <3

Update:

They'd probably be 15, 16 or 17. I'm still not completely sure though.

Update 2:

I should have the girls name be Rose, that's my middle name haha!

Update 3:

Wolken, that's exactly what you might think. But who knows, maybe it's the whole point of the story.. (:

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Pretty good. But you shouldn't put it on the internet or where anyone else can copy it unless it is copyrighted. Otherwise, someone could just copy and paste your story (Or part of a story), print it off, and actually publish a book with YOUR story all because it's not copyrighted in your name! So you should probably not share it with anyone, or get it copyrighted and then share it with the world. Keep this in mind because if one day you pick up a book and this is the first chapter or something, you can't go to the police and say it's yours because it won't matter one bit. If the other person gets it copyrighted in their name before you do, it's theirs... truthfully or not. Just want to help so something like this won't happen! Good beginning too!

    But other than that it's a pretty good story!♥

  • 1 decade ago

    Yeah that's really good. I really like the first paragraph. If you're planning on getting it published though it is very difficult. My mum was trying for 10 years before she finally got her book published. Maybe you shouldn't post any future stories on here though or people could steal your ideas.

    I think the names should be something either really traditional or really exotic. I write as a hobby and to find names i go on websites that give ideas for baby names.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't understand the point of the first part. it seems kind of like you were leading up to something with the strike thing but then you just sort of dropped off into something else. It didn't make much sense.

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow its pretty good so far. but what was the very beinging about the part were u talk about strike one two and three about?

    I think the main charaters name should be like Ashely or Krissy maybe

    ~Sammy

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  • Sadie
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    The general theme of the story sounds good so far! You will need an editor to help you correct mistakes and make the story "flow" more. Nice job!

  • 1 decade ago

    It's pretty good. I don't think you should have added the "As if it were crying" It's a nice thought, but it just doesn't seem to go.

    I think you should make the main characters name charlotte.

    or sadie.

    or isabelle.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That sounds pretty good so far. I really like your verb use but it needs more color and detail. Don't go down to the clothes your wearing but go to the color of things. You know?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That was amazing! I think the boy's name should be Adam. I'm not sure why I thought of that it sort just came to me. The girl's name should be Rose.

    PLEASE ANSWER MINE!

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqaFA...

  • 1 decade ago

    0/10

    stop with all the cliches and write something original

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    its terrible, it dosent flow at all the people who are saying its good, obviously dont belong in this section.

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