How do you know when you've found your soul mate?
It's hard being a fat woman. All of my life, I have been relegated to playing the role of a clown, to always being the one good for a laugh, and to be laughed at. I haven't had anyone that I think I could consider as ever having really loved me, and I pretty much assumed it would always be this way.
My friend and co-worker broke up with her boyfriend and kicked him out; for a year now she has related what their life together has been, and the way she has talked about him, you would think the guy was a monster. Whenever he would stop by work to see her he seemed pleasant, but she told us he is really a low-life. I accepted that what she said was the truth---she would know, after all---and left it at that.
Well, at the coffee shop one day, there he was, sitting alone at a table. I noticed him as I got my coffee and pastry, but didn't imagine he'd remember me, so I just sat down at my own table and started in on my pastry. Well, he glanced up, seemed to recognize me, and came over. "Hey, you're the lady who works with ________", he said. "Yes; I'm surprised you remembered me", I laughed in reply.
Well, we got to talking, and he poured his heart out to me. I never had a man open up to me like that. He told me how he was hurt over the breakup with my friend, and knew she had been dragging his name through the mud, but that he understood she was going through her own hurt, and that he allowed her to do whatever she needed to in order to grow. He wouldn't respond to any of that, just give her understanding, and hoped that she healed her heart. I was just incredibly moved by this. Here was someone totally different from the man I had heard my friend talk about. I was impressed with his character. He noticed the time, and apologized for talking my ear off, but he told me how much I had helped him. He looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "You know, I really appreciate you listening. I'm sleeping on a friend's couch until I can get on my feet, and have been pretty depressed about it, and over the breakup. You've helped me more than you can know." I was so shocked that here was a handsome, charming, and sensitive man, and one who wasn't laughing at me, or making a joke at my expense. Here was a man who saw something good in me. I don't think I ever had that before.
I told him to please call on me whenever he needed someone, that I would be glad to help. After that, we met and talked, and I got him a cell phone so that he could call me whenever he liked. He didn't want to take it, but I told him to please take it, that I wanted to be a real friend to him. It wasn't long after that that I got the biggest surprise of all.
He told me he was developing feelings for me! I asked him how he could love a fat pig like me. That was the only time I saw a shadow of anger cross his handsome face. He said, "Don't ever call yourself that. You don't realize it, but you are beautiful. Your beauty starts in your heart, and works its way to the surface." I never thought I would hear someone speaking to me like that. I was just amazed.
We started dating clandestinely, usually just meeting at my place for dinner. I saw him once downtown with his arm around a lady, and I was sure he had seen me and then gone the other way, which confused me; he came by that evening and explained that yes he had seen me, had been out with his sister, and couldn't yet be public about me, since it was still too soon after his breakup. You see, if anything got back to my friend and co-worker, it would cause me nothing but problems, and he didn't want to do that to me. Can you imagine? A man who is so thoughtful and considerate of me, that he even cares not to make things hard for me at work. I can honestly say, I have given my heart to him. Yes, I am in love.
Last night, he made love to me for the first time, and I was so nervous about it. He was so gentle and caring, though, and kept telling me over and over how beautiful I was. He could tell I was nervous, and told me he knew I had been hurt so much in the past, but if there was one thing I could trust, it was that he would never hurt me. He held me gently for the longest time when we were through, and was quiet. After a while, he said, "You know, this is the best part of any day that I have had in my entire life. I didn't think I would fall in love again; now I realize that I am truly falling in love....for the first time."
I was just crying tears, hearing someone say that about *me*. Fat girl me. The girl who got her head shoved in the toilet in school, the girl who got asked to the Prom by a good looking jock, only to realize it was a vicious joke, the girl whose co-workers tease the UPS delivery man that I have the hots for him, and laugh while he cringes in horror.....me. This man loves ME!
He told me that if he were rich, he would buy me this diamond ring he could get for $6,400.00; he has a friend with connections.
Well, I know I have written a lot here, but I am so nervous waiting for him to show up. My lunch hour was over a couple of hours ago, but I am sure he is just running late. Maybe he is getting himself all spruced up to come by.
Well, thank you for letting me share my happiness with you. There ARE such things as happy endings!
I really can't wait for him to get here.