How do you support a friend going through an unwanted pregnancy?
My friend has recently found out that she is almost 4 weeks pregnant (doctor confirmed). This was completely unexpected and unwanted at this stage of her life. She's going through all her options right now, keep the baby, adoption, and abortion. It's not my place to judge or to push my beliefs on her, I just want to support her through this and whatever decision she makes. Despite being in my mid-twenties (so is she), I am completely new to this and have no idea what to say or do to help her. We live 9 hours away and I have no vacation days left, so I can't just go and spend time with her, as much as I wish I could.
So for those who have been through this themselves or who have helped others through it, what works? What helped? I realize that there are no magic words in this situation, I just want her to know that I am there for her and whatever she chooses.
- VickyLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
This happened to my best friend at college when we were in our final year there. She got really bad morning sickness, so that compounded matters further. Eventually she had a termination -- not what I would have done as it happens, though she never knew that -- and I found the best thing to do was to just check in with her regularly. Every day I would send a note, call her up, and just say how are you? If she gets that kind of perpetual reminder that you're her friend and that you're there for her (even though it's 9 hours away) she will ask you questions and talk to you when she needs to. I would also, in an e-mail or letter, tell her that she can talk to you about everything and that you support whatever she decides. Don't say it to her, or you'll get a stone cold silence on the phone, even if she fully appreciates what you just said -- that's a hard thing for her to acknowledge, even though she will value it way beyond your expectations.
I think you're being a great friend and she's lucky to have you!
- 1 decade ago
I agree with the first poster. Written communication on a daily basis, just so she knows your support, is the best thing you can do.
I freely admit that I'm biased on this question because I volunteer with groups that assist with post-abortion grief counseling. I offer you some links purely for your consideration, not to preach at you or tell you or her what to do.
www.afterabortion.com - A value-neutral site
www.silentnomoreawareness.org - a pro-life site
http://www.youtube.com/silentnomorecampaign - pro-life; videos of women who have had abortions
"For the question remains, do women want abortion? Not like she wants a Porsche or an ice cream cone. Like an animal caught in a trap, trying to gnaw off its own leg, a woman who seeks abortion is trying to escape a desperate situation by an act of violence and self-loss. Abortion is not a sign that women are free, but a sign that they are desperate." -- Frederica Mathewes-Green