how much communication with an "ex" is too much?

my hubby, i feel, talks too much to his ex. they have a seven year old together and i have absolutely no problem with contact at any time about the child. i do ask that phone calls stop after 10pm but definitely call at anytime if its an emergency. at first it was 1am phone calls then that stopped after months of me fussing. now she will wait exactly until 10pm to make a phone call that is not an emergency. she even had her daughter calling after 10pm. i think late phone calls are rude unless that is your thing, my husband agrees but continues to allow it. also, he knows all of her personal business when i feel the only thing they have left to discuss is their child. i do not talk to my ex at all and i have two children, but mine are grown and refuse all contact with him also. am i out of line to be upset or am i overboard. this small thing is really causing a big problem. my husband is just as nosy about our neighbors as he is his ex. i know nothing about my neighbors and prefer it that way. what to do?

17 Answers

  • romina
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    His ex is way too involved in his life, and he in hers. Tell your husband that YOU should be his best friend. Every time you make a rule, she pushes it to the limit. That's not promising.

    Unfortunately, you'll never be rid of that woman. That's what happens when you hook up with a man with kid(s).

  • 1 decade ago

    So, it's not out-of-character for your husband to be interested in other people's personal business; it is a part of his personality, whether you like it or not. I would be concerned if he had a special interest in his ex that he didn't have in anyone else. But if this is just his style, then what's the problem? Sounds like his ex is a friend of sorts; they have a child together, and it's something that keeps them in contact, but so what if they talk about stuff beyond taking care of the child? I'm not sure what the story is with the phone calls, but is his ex the only person who calls late? Or perhaps your husband has his other friends calling late, too, and he doesn't have the guts or the common sense to discourage them? Also, are you sure you're not being extra-sensitive? Sometimes, when something we don't like happens only once a week we tend to feel it happens "all the time". A good way to gauge it would be to take a calendar and write down the time of each phone call over a period of a month; then it would give both of you an idea of whether this is getting out of hand. If there really is a pattern of late phone calls several times a week, you can sit down with your husband, show him the calendar and discuss the problem once again. But if you ask for no phone calls after 10 pm, you really shouldn't be fussing too much about a call that comes in at 9:55; don't let it get to you, don't make it personal.

  • 4 years ago

    You should be thankful you're not dealing with 3 ex's. 2 wives and a baby mama. Unfortunately, I had a really rough issue with my husbands babies mom. They got WAY out of line and I almost left. I have 3 children by ONE ex husband. He and I are close friends but he also has a new wife with 4 children. I can call her at anytime. I can call this particular mom but the other ex I had to get her gone. NO KIDS by her, "BYE FELICIA". You say that you are just friends but that's trouble for me sorry. Now the ex with the children who by the way are all GROWN UPS, are having issues, the 2 boys. I get it because I still talk to my ex about our children although my youngest is a 16 year old girl. My husband did quite like the fact that I talked to him so much, yet he talks to his ex quite often via text. OK.

    I tried explaining to him that he has taken me through way too much drama, one ex is enough but dang dude 3. It's been a rough road but I'm trying real hard to not let my mind go there. If it bothers you, it's too much is basically my answer.

  • Darla
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Well unfortunately, he is probably in a hard situation. Feels loyalty to you, I'm sure. But, at the same time having to put up with games from his ex. This may not be his fault at all. If you are going to be in a relationship with a guy that has an ex with his child, you are just going to have to put up with it. The ex might be jealous of you because he is happy and has moved on. Maybe she isn't so happy and so wants to disrupt yours. In time this will pass if you don't make a big deal out of things. The late calls ARE rude, but little can be done about it because of the child. If I were you, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. The more of an issue you make out of it, the more she knows you get irritated which could be her point. Try to be civil, try to be nice, try to understand. Sorry you are going through this.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I agree with the "10pm" point....there shouldn't be anything that important to talk about at 10pm at night and I wonder how HE would feel if this were YOU doing way......that is not right at all!

    From now on, EVERYTIME she calls at an unacceptable hour, YOU answer the phone and tell her he can't come to the phone, he is in the shower and you guys are getting ready to have some nasty sex.....LOL!

    Oh, and ask to take a message, that is a WIFE's PLACE to do so, no matter how many kids he fathered with her, SHE is NOT his wife......two can play this game, you just have to play it right.

  • mmm
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Way too much. Been almost 2 years for me and it has finally ceased to a dull roar - but he would put the phone away from his ear - she wouldn't stop - it has just recently diminished. He stopped answering her calls over a year ago and she would leave a message if it was about the boys, and he would call her back but she never wanted to talk to the boys but to him about her life. It was about 5 to 30 calls a day and anywhere from 5 to 30 texts a day. It got to the point she would call about the boys underwear (I don't have any for . . .like she couldn't spend $5 bucks to get him another package - she had to call and ask where they all were - they don't share clothes so . . . .you get the picture). Sounds like HE needs to want it to stop. I used to say . . .you know more about her personal life than you do mine, it needs to stop. It takes time and patience (and persistance). Good luck.

    Source(s): Been there.
  • 1 decade ago

    It doesn't matter how much is too much. What matters is that your husband is unwilling to take your feelings into account. You've let him know how you feel about this issue, and he is refusing to set appropriate boundaries with his ex.

    Your options are to accept things the way they are, or to give him a choice. His choice should sound something like this, "You can either respect my wishes regarding your contact with your ex, or you can have a second ex-wife."

  • CoeyG
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I find it quite interesting how this all your husband's ex's fault and yet your husband is the one who ACCEPTS the calls when she calls him. If he hung up on her or didn't answer the phone when she called after 10pm she would stop calling. Why doesn't your husband have teh balls to tell her to quit calling and why doesn't he have backbone enough to not hang up on her when she does call?

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like she's playing games, let your husband know that unless it's an emergency, she needs to respect your home and your marriage and not to call after 10 or if she needs to be exact at 10.

    She's showing you who's boss and he's letting her, you have to make accommodations in regards to his daughter but she's clearly using her daughter to get to you. She's clearly not over him but he needs to cut ties with her. It's up to him to be the man and decides who is more important her or you.

  • 1 decade ago

    you're right she shouldn't be calling after 10 unless it's an emergency. you need to talk to your husband and have him put a stop to that.

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