Zee asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

How do I tell my parents I'm serious about this?

I've been exploring my gender identity for a while now, but if I try to ask my parents or other relatives for advice or if it even gets mentioned they either blow it off or act really uncomfortable. On the rare occasion they DO say something on the subject, it's along the lines of "love your body, don't hate it, it's all the media's fault."

I don't know if it's that they aren't taking me seriously, or they think it's a phase, or they're just uncomfortable with it.

Fact is, I hate my body. In particular, my breasts. Honestly I don't think it's the media's fault that I have DDD boobs and want to be able to bike ride, do gymnastics or even play on a trampoline, but actually can't because it hurts me too much. I also don't feel any reason to so blatantly show to people "HEY LOOK AT ME I'M A GIRL TREAT ME AS SUCH."

Aside from the actual physical aspect of it, I'm still trying to figure out if I actually do FEEL like a man or a woman or neither. I'm using the word genderqueer for the mean time but that's somewhat beside the point.

My aunt, with whom I'm living with at the moment, doesn't seem to understand this. When I try to explain this to her, she keeps going back to the media, and how I hate my body because women are always told to have unrealistic expectations. She doesn't seem to understand that I am very uncomfortable with my body in many ways and for many reasons.

So my questions are these;

How can I get my aunt to actually understand that this is a personal, physical, valid issue?

How can I get my parents and other relatives to at least bear with me while I try to figure all this out?

On another note, can somebody direct me to a website with some sort of information on chest surgery? Costs/general insurance deals, how to aim for it and get ready for it, other information...?


One more semi related question-

I'm on the pill for heavy flow and badass cramping, if I do end up getting surgery will my boobs grow back or something? Stupid question, I know... >_> But my resources are failing me.

Update 2:

I have tried dressing more towards the "boyish" side of things, but my aunt (and to some extent my parents) have made it clear that they don't think it's "right". My aunt thinks I should be wearing more "flattering" clothing. My parents actually *cheer at me* when I wear something that shows off my... curves. And frankly I find that insulting.

5 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It might help if you started dressing like a man.If that feels right go to your doctor and they'd start you on hormones and get you to see a psychologist so you can discuss your feelings. Another good idea would be to look for some gender queer sites where you can meet other people in a similar position as you to discuss what you're going through.

    With the family, you should gather them all together and discuss it. It wont be easy, and you may find them really hard on you. But, you cant live your life in other people's shadow.

    With the chest surgery, wouldn't it be a better idea to wait until you know where you're going before you go through with it? If you want to be a man, you'd want the lot of the off. If you wanted to be a woman, you may want something left over. Usually, your doctor would give you hormones which helps get rid of them, and surgery to finish them off. So i personally think it's better for you to come to a solution, before you start on the surgery.

    Good luck whatever you choose.

    ****As for the pill making you boobs grow back, i'm not sure, but if you chose to be a man, and was taking hormones you'd probably have to stop taking the pill, and take male testerone instead. This would also have the same effect of stopping your periods completely.

    ****They may not like it but it's your body and your right. Perhaps (i'm assuming you're old enough) you should move out? That way you can do what you like, wen you like and it will give you time to know whether you are making the right decision.

  • 1 decade ago

    Breast reduction costs about $3000 per breast plus the cost of reconstruction to move the nipple, etc. Most women pay about 7-10,000 altogether. If you've had chronic back problems, some insurance will cover some of the cost but you can't claim that until you're much older. You need to loose all the weight you want or can because loosing it after surgery can jack up the results. Also you may find if you are able to loose the weight you don't need the reduction, or you only need a smaller reduction or lift, which will be cheaper.

    Don't mistake the hate of large breasts with gender confusion. It is normal for a naturally well-endowed women to hate her breasts. You are so young when you get them and you are treated differently because of them. No woman likes being objectified but when it starts in jr. high or earlier, its even worse. It scars you for life. As you get older, they sag long before they should and its not pretty. It hurts your back and shoulders and there is constant pain from them. Of course you don't like them. If they were smaller, you might like your whole body. You would be comfortable with yourself. The fact that you don't like breasts means probably you are not gay. After all, if you were gay, you would be attracted to women who have - you guessed it - breasts.

    Tolerate them for now and just reduce them naturally as best you can with weight loss and such. You may not feel this way now but some day you may want a baby and you may want to breast feed the baby. You won't hate them then. As soon as I'm done having babies, I am getting a boob job myself. I wanted one since I was 18 but I'm glad I didn't have the money now. Your body, including your breast give life to this world, remember that.

    Also sorry your parents don't respect your style of dress. Maybe if you told them you were just trying to be comfortable and not doing it to look like a boy they could deal with it better. If they bug you to dress more flattering just say, I don't really care about that right now. Maybe they think you wear those clothes because you have low self-esteem and they are trying to make you feel good about yourself. People always make that mistake with girls. Oh tell her she's pretty and she'll feel good about herself. Its a little insulting. I don't know why people don't get that.

  • Orla C
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    If your boobs are that big, and are causing you problems and back pain, then you should go to your doctor and ask if you can get a breast reduction operation. I think that in your case, you might be able to get it on the NHS.

    Your boobs won't grow back.

    As for the painful cycle, once you can do more exercise, this will help you a lot. You can also look into taking vitamin and mineral supplements. Evening Primrose Oil capsules in particular have helped women with painful and irregular cycles.

    As for how you see yourself, well, that should be helped along a bit once your body has changed.

  • Meaux
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Here is a good website that will answer questions on breast reduction surgery:


    By the way, I am so jealous of your size! I am only a B, maybe..and I hate it. I wish I were bigger, breast-wise...I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think a breast reduction would help you I dont really think you want to be a guy I think you are having problems with the size of your breasts sit down with mom and dad tell them about how you feel or go into therapy

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