Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Are big giant weddings appropriate when you're in your 30s and it's your 2nd marriage?

Wife and I were invited to a friends wedding. She is 35 and her fiancee is 37. Both have kids from previous marriages and this will be the second marriage for both of them. Yet they are registering for TONS of stuff all over town, having this big giant production of a ceremony, and spending tens of thousands of dollars.

Am I the only one who thinks this is completely and totally inappropriate? I thought the idea of registering for appliances and gifts was to help a young couple get established. Not help an older couple replace all their old stuff with new stuff! My wife sees my point to a degree, but I just find the whole thing horribly inappropriate. Thoughts?

Update:

Okay people, listen up. I am not against marriages or even second marriages. what I am against are big giant second marriages and people registering for expensive gifts when they already have all that stuff from their first marriage! Un-Der-Stand?

19 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Here is my take. If they want to spend thousands of dollars on a celebration of their love, that's fabulous. But registering for gifts is tacky, in a major way. I think it's more appropriate when 'second time around' couples ask those who want to buy a gift, to donate a small amount to a specified charity in lieu of gifts.

  • 1 decade ago

    While it's appropriate to have a big wedding -- after all in their minds this time it's right, so they want to make it a day to remember. I can't fault them for that.

    But at their age with their experience they shouldn't be registering everywhere and expecting gifts to set up their home where at this point in their lives they should have most everything or at least be capable.

    That's not to say a guest doesn't bring a gift or a cash card. But I do agree it is rather inappropriate.

    However, there isn't anything to be done for it. You could not attend -- they would resent you. You could not give a gift -- they would resent you. You could tell them how you feel -- they would resent you.

    So just keep your mouth shut and stick it out. Get something you can afford and don't worry if it's not something super expensive or a brand new coffee maker to replace their dated one.

  • .
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    To be honest I have always thought it was tacky to register at all...even for a first wedding. When my husband and I got married we told everyone when they asked where we were registered that all we wanted was for them to come to the wedding and that gifts weren't necessary or expected. We did get some nice things but mostly if anyone wanted to give us anything they gave us cash which promptly went to saving for a new car. I think people are so greedy when it comes to weddings and other events that it's just disgusting. So I agree with you 100%. You should just send them a congratulations card and that's it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I agree with you, if one has been through it before then a simplified and consolidated version should be manafactured and set in place. This is called experience and also being careful about finances because the first one didn't work, then you should learn and adapt new measures for the next one. People may say that it is a different partner and all the old one is in the past. But past memories and today thought are inextricable, like it or not !! You are right mate. You obviously have a productive mind that works in healthy ways, and most likely you are not prepared to rationalise yourself into unecessary expenses and future further disasters.

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  • 1 decade ago

    No, no, no. I agree, with you, this is terribly inappropriate, childish and even rude. However, gifts are not mandatory. I had a friend who recently got married (both their second marriage, both with children), I gave them a $30 gift card to their favorite restaurant and free baby sitting for a night. She thought it was the best gift! So, just go with it, buy something you think is appropriate (you dont have to follow those registries) and be done with it. It does say something about their character in my opinion and I am sure there are man other guests that would agree.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My daughter is getting married for the second time. His first. He wants to have a big wedding because it is the only marriage he will ever have and the last one she will ever have. Is that so wrong ? If you don't agree with the couple's reasoning, don't attend. Send a congratulatory card with out a gift and tell them you have something else to do that day.

  • 1 decade ago

    i personally don't think it's appropriate. my second marriage was a beautiful, simple ceremony that i will never forget! we combined two households so we had a "no gifts" policy. it was held in the fall at a local state park pavilion. i bought the dress at a half of half store. my cousin made a beautiful cake for us and my sister decorated with fall colors. it was the sweetest, most beautiful thing you've ever seen! we had absolutely no need for all the frills because we had the most important thing of all......love!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I didn't go for all that second time round, but my mates bought us a wee present that was personal to each of us.

    I had a complete set of art materials bought for me to carry help with my business. I think it's an individual thing and no point in getting upset by it either that or don't go!

  • monie
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I could understand where you were coming from if you were paying for the wedding. You are an invited guess that does not have to accept the invite if that is what you choose.

  • 1 decade ago

    During this time of crisis, we must be practical on our expenses. There are other ways to show our love to our love ones. Not only through extravagant parties...... Just sharing thoughts.

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