Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

What did I do to deserve this?

I joined the military right after high school to my father's disapproval. I realize now that it was the best thing I did for myself but for the wrong reasons. I basically ran away to free myself from my emotionally abusive, controlling, insensitive, manipulative father. Really I can't describe in words how cruel he's treated me since I've left and I feel like I have paid a huge price since gaining my independence. My family was disfunctional when I left and still is so I don't feel like I have missed out in anything. Since leaving I have started a family of my own and I have a wonderful son to live for. But lately I've been feeling so depressed and angry at my father because I feel like he has taken a lot from me. My mother left my sister and I when I was a baby and he didn't have us live with him until I was 5 years old. When he finally grew up and decided he wanted to be a father to us he had already remarried and had 2 additional kids. I was brought up by a bitter step mother and around people who didn't like me because I wasn't related to them. But I grew to love them anyways and that was the family I knew. I especially loved my step mom because I was around her more than my father. He never really cared about my feelings though and we never spoke about my mother and what happened between them. He just said she left and I better be thankful that I have him or else I'd be out in the streets. So now that I have left home and gotten married there's no more communication between me and my family mainly because of an arguement between me and him during a visit by me that resulted in me and my infant son at the time getting thrown out. He criticized my career in the military and insulted my husband; what was I supposed to do just coninue letting him do that? No, I had had enough and he probably didn't think I would have the nerve to put him in his place since nobody ever tries. I didn't speak to anyone for 3 years until I finally called them and apologized and visited during Christmas. My step mom won't call me and when I call her she doesn't talk and cuts me off after 2 minutes. My brother's and sister's that I once used to talk to over the phone won't call me either. They never acted like this until after the fight. I don't know what to think of them and sometimes I have a lot of hate inside of me towards them. My biological sister occassionally calls me but she is often rude to me and puts me last on her list and them first. She's also part of the reason my father became heated at me. I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. How can my father pull me from the life I had before I met him, place me in his home, and just forget me like that? I would have been better off not knowing him at all and growing up without him because I would have ended up in the same place I am in now; alone. It's hard to look at my son and my husband and be happy when deep down inside I'm so angry and hurt but thankful for them. Should I continue the painful effort to communicate with people that really don't want to talk to me but only do so because of guilt?

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think it's just going to hurt you more to try and keep having a relationship with your family. I wouldn't even call them family actually, family isn't some one your related to by blood or marraige it's the people you love that RETURN your love. You should try to make contact with them one more time. Tell them all (step mom, dad, brothers, sisters) how you feel, tell them you don't want them to treat you like this you just want to fix the relationship so you all can be a happy family and they can actually care about you. If they get pissy or upset then obviously they don't and can't love you, and you can walk away with the knowledge and peace of mind knowing that you tried to fix it before leaving for good. Give up hating your father and your family, there is too much good in your life to waste time on hatered, I know how you feel considering my dad has ignored me and hated me for my entire life, I've never been good enough for him and finally I realized that trying to please an unpleasable man like him was going to get me nothing but heart ache. You need to realize your family might be just as bad, trying to get along with people who wont get along with you will just make you hurt more. Besides, this anger you have for your family is just giving them more control over your life. They can make you mad they can hurt you right now by ignoring you and by rejecting you. Reject them, don't let what they do annoy you just let it slide off. I know it'll be hard but if you just stop letting them be a part of your life(that includes being angry at them), let go of the anger, you should be able to move on without them and live a great happy life.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm betting you'll get a few 'family counseling responses", doesn't sound like your folks would go though.

    Live your life, love your husband and your child. You've learned how Not to raise your family, you'll do a great job. Enjoy Them. Life is too short for all of that drama.

  • 5 years ago

    Well, I definitely deserved a whole lot better than I ever got in that relationship!

  • Orla C
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I think that you should just forget those people. Your father is only nasty towards you because you refuse to let him bully you, and they are scared of him, and scared of how he would react if they realised you were in contact with them.

    Much better to cut off all contact, and make your own life and your own family. And don't feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

    I think that you might have reminded your father of your mother and their relationship, and he found it very difficult to relate to you because of this. Again, this is not your fault, and not something you should feel guilty over. If anything, your father is the one who needs to go and make peace with this part of his past.

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  • 1 decade ago

    what I think is it's just right that you follow what you want because you think that's what best for you.

    try to explain it to your family.maybe they just don't understand you , show them that even though you did not follow them, it doesn't mean you disrespect their decision.just try and try to communicate with them cause that's the only way to make them realized what you desired.

    i hope you like my suggestion.


    i hope they will now understand you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago



    My dad left me in catholic orphanage but his love kept me alive even tho i did not remember until two years ago.

    The adultz kept us kidz in a hole beside a river for dayz on end without Australia...In the 60's

    2Knite at the stroke of Midknight-delf digs a hole in cairns and getz in it as prime minister sleeps in near by high rise



  • 1 decade ago

    uhmm...rush into your families house carrying a ak 47 and tell them that forgive or you all die...hehe just kidding ^_^

    well you could talk to you husband about it let it out first then visit your family don't give up "Don't Give Up" I believe that one day your father will realize that it is wrong for him to reject his daughter.

    if still it doesn't work there is always suicide ahehe... just joking ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

    oh take note when you confront your father don't forget to SMILE like this ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ahehe "PEACE"

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, that's a hard one, I would go ask a local pastor or catholic preist for help, and guidance through something big like this.

  • 1 decade ago

    maybe you just ****** up really bad in a past life and its your karma out to get you.

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