how do i forgive baby daddy for cheating?

i know for our sons sake, we should be in good term. hes going to bring the grandfather over to visit tomorrow and i dont want to come off as this crazy psychotic baby mama but i dont want his (baby daddy's) filthy hands around my son. im not going to stop him from seeing my son completely but i want him out for a while, i dont want him to get off the hook this easily. i know this sound very immature but i want him to feel my pain.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Kill him with kindness. Say a prayer, look into you sons innocent eyes, put on a smile and pretend nothing is wrong. Don't take him back but continue to be the kind and sweet person you want to be. Don't let him be the reason you go to hell. I allowed myself to become bitter and cold because of a similar situation and now I realize that a smile can hurt more than anything else. When you appear to be untouched by a situation it not only puzzles them but it makes you the bigger person and somehow you get over the hurt faster. Tell yourself that no matter what, he gave you the best gift he could and that is your son. You thank him for that precious gift and you move on to bigger and better cause you are better than that and you deserve to be treated like the Queen you became once you had his child. So don't forget the pain and heartache just forgive it and move on knowing that it wont happen again because you wont let him, and you got the best part of him looking up at you every day. No female he ever ends up with will every get what you got cause there is only one and he is your son. Dont think that I mean for you to be fake in any kind of way but I want you to decide for your son to get rid of that hostility so that it doesnt rub off on him and break that cycle before it starts cause he can pick up on your bad vibes and you need to allow him to see his dad in his on eyes meaning you cant trash him to your son cause that is only going to confuse him he will have to see him for what he is himself so put that smile on your face and change from the outside in. Dont let that bitterness ruin your happiness. Move on cause God has better for you if you choose to accept it.

    Source(s): Life experiences
  • 1 decade ago

    I think what it truly takes is time. It's good for you to be on civil terms with him, yes, but there isn't really a technique for actually forgiving him. If you haven't yet, what you should really do is to communicate with him. Tell him (in private, of course) how horrible you felt when he cheated and say how you feel about him being around your son.

    I don't know him, so I'm not exactly sure how well he'll react to it, but whether he gets angry or upset at least he'll know. And it will also bring a huge weight off your chest.

    Maybe if work or anything isn't holding you back, you and your son could just take a little trip to take a break and get some space from his father.

    I wish you good luck with all of this :)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    How in the hell is that immature? Immature is saying (whining): "But I looove him!" and letting him off the hook.

    I suggest that while you are apart you go for family counselling. But if it ends up you just want to "stay together for your son", trust me, you're not doing your child any favours. Children sense tension - these are the senses they rely on before they learn to speak and understand what they're hearing.

    During counselling, you'll have two goals: he will have to earn your trust back, and you will have to learn to trust him and not question his every word or action. Until you two can learn this, you will benefit anybody by staying together.

    Regarding your baby daddy's interaction with his son, you have to hold yourself up to a higher level than you may want to, and allow him to have scheduled visits with his son, even when you don't want him to right now, because you're so furious. Allow a mutual party to complete pick-ups and drop-offs. Holding your son hostage against him will not reflect well on you, particularly if you end up separating permanently and settling in court. And the father will have no excuse (it's not legitimate to say he didn't pay because you witheld his son, but he will use this excuse nonetheless - and it WILL win him sympathy) not to pay child support. He should be contributing now anyway, even in these tense times. You should go after his wages if it comes to that. Don't let any of this mess he created deprive your son.

    So bottom line of what I think you should do? Give him an ultimatum: counselling or permanent seperation.

    Good luck, sweetie.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    nope...never use a child for revenge or money

    Child needs his father...daddy made some mistakes but if he is willing to come around and wrap his hands around your son then count it as a blessing

    people can change and you have to forgive him...you dont have to be with him but when you dont forgive someone, it doesn't bother them as much as you think it does...it eats you away instead. everytime you think of this person your blood pressure rises...that sh*t kills you

    its not about you anymore, it hasn't been about you since the day you realized you missed your period. Now you have to find a way to swallow your pride, chalk your losses, and come up with a new game plan. I understand how you feel but in a different way...I feel stupid for being with someone and loving him so bad without making sure he loved me first. When I took the blame off of him (cuz a man will do what he wants to do) I realized that I can't change no body and when things like that happen I dont get mad at him, i just decide if its something I can deal with or not...if not then i dont mess with him on a personal level...i do whats neccessary for the kid to know his father and I allow father to know his child and I require him to take care of him

    Hes more willing to help finacially and more willing to spend his time being a father and being around if its no drama when he comes around. Just as long as he doesn't do anything to disrespect my child or me (him sleeping with women can no longer hurt me because I dont allow men to hurt me more than once...single mother) I'm good

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  • 1 decade ago

    Do NOT use your child to punish the father. Ever! That was a choice that you and him made, to become parents, and you have no right to take his son away because you "want him out for awhile". Ridiculous! Think of who you are really hurting in the situation. Your son, by depriving him of his father through NO FAULT of his own. The father cheated, and that sucks, but don't punish your child because you and his father can't get along.

  • 5 years ago

    Disgusting? Traumatic? I take it youre the "baby daddy"? The birth of a child is beautiful and watching your child come into the world and hearing his/her first cries will change you for the better. "baby daddy" needs to man up. This is the most important and beautiful moment in your childs life do you honestly want to be replaced by someone else? You need to be there to support the mother of your child. Just think about it.

  • Don't do that with the baby there are other ways to make him feel the pain you have. The child will get hurt in the end remember that. I do under stand. He is low for what he has done but remember the child is innocent.

  • Emily
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Don't get back together with him. Let him know you find it unacceptable, but don't use the kid against him either. Dont get into these talks about it in front of the kid, and don't badmouth the dad in front of the kid, either. If you feel you need to be with him for the kid then tell him you need some time. Talk it out with him, find out why he cheated, but tell him he needs to be honest with you and you need to be honest with him.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yeah , Call 911

  • 1 decade ago

    Dont forgive him, he shouldnt have cheated on you. And fighting parents are worse than parents that are split up.

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