My boyfriend watches porn and masterbates? Should I be upset that he's looking at other women?

First of all, my boyfriend and I work separate shifts. I work mornings, he works nights. He has mornings all to himself while I'm gone. So, I asked him a few days ago, If he looks at porn while I'm not there. He said yes and he masterbates to it. This really hurt me by hearing this. I guess just knowing that he's looking at someone else while pleasuring himself. I'm still really hurt. He tells me it's no big deal because he loves me. His response to all this is that I'm not always available, so that's why he does it. We've been togethor a little over a year now. I'm wondering if this is really normal for a guy to do this so early in a relationship? Am I not good enough for him? He's say I am and I'm just overreacting about all this. He said it's just porn, but I don't know what to think. Just call me old fashioned. Am I really overreacting.


I've also noticed him masterbating in the mornings when I'm right next to him. He doesn't know I know this, but this makes me feel that I'm not all good enough for him. Why can't he wake me up to see if I want to have sex and please him. Instead he does this without me. Why? We do still have sex, but it isn't has often as we used to. He says it's because of me, but the real problem is why does he always want me to pleasure him by oral sex or handjobs when at times we are intimate. I want pleasure too.

25 Answers

  • Favorite Answer

    no, you're not overreacting. just because you're not always there doesn't mean he should rely on another source of getting pleasure. if he really cares about you, he shouldn't disrespect you. maybe you should talk to him and tell him how you feel.

  • 5 years ago


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  • Jaime
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    JUST ME has it completely right. You're really getting bent out of shape for nothing. Actually, it is something, and you're feeling do matter, but it's important that you keep it in perspective. He's not out messing around with other women right? It's a fantasy, and if you say you don't have your own, then frankly dear, your lying. What's worst, the fantasy that plays out on the computer, or one in your head? I think you get the idea. I'm not trying to belittle your feelings because you're clearly very serious about this issue. but have you considered that maybe the reason he is going soft is because you've made such a big issue of things. He probably feels under a tremendous strain to perform or you'll get mad, which only makes the problem even worse. Maybe you should try watching it with him. By making it an activity between you, it's not something so on the outsides of your understanding. Just my two cents...BTW, your problem is quite common and there are a lot of places to go for help on this, even through your community, or church group. Just saying.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I can understand why you are hurt but really this is completely normal. Most girls just don't ask their boyfriends about it or - if they do - their boyfriends aren't honest!

    ALMOST EVERY guy watches porn and EVERY SINGLE guy masturbates, so your boyfriend is normal. Men are generally more highly sexed than women, and more turned on by visual stimulation, whereas women can get turned on by words and fantasies in their heads more easily. As long as YOUR sexual relationship with him is good and not affected by this, that is all you have to worry about.

    Far rather he sits at home and does it while waiting for you to come home, than find a REAL person somewhere to 'use'

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Yeah it's totally normal.

    unless he is turning you down in favor of the porn.

    Every guy and plenty of women do this, even when they are in a relationship. When your partner isn't available and you are in the mood, it helps to look at something to stimulate you further. No big deal. I never understood why so many women take issue with this. It's pretty much human nature for both men and women. It's not like he's cheating on you.

  • 1 decade ago a guy myself, I feel qualified to answer this question and personally, I don't think you're overreacting at all. In fact, I think you might be under-reacting just a bit...

    After all, when you masturbate, the pleasure centers in your brain are stimulated as if you were having sex...meaning that if your boyfriend gratifies himself while looking at a picture of someone else, the emotional and physical high he will get is similar to what he would get if he had slept with her.

    Also, I think your boyfriend is making a mistake here, in confusing his sexual desires for *needs*. No one ever needs sexual gratification to the point that their physical health will deteriorate if they can't get it, so I wouldn't consider the fact that you're not always available to be a valid excuse.

    As for the "its just porn" excuse...don't get me started. An addiction to that stuff can kill intimacy faster than an affair, in some cases.

    At any rate, I'll be praying for everything to work out with you. Good luck, love.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Most men do this. Trust me he probably has no recollection of what the last porn star looked like he masturbated to. Men unfortunately have uncontrollable urges when it comes to porn believe it or not. Does not mean that he feels any different about you, or thinks of porn as his mistress. Its nice that he can be honest about this with you. Most of us men lie and say we don't do it. However most men that are "honest" masturbate to porn quite often. Its not cheating. Good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    lol, when women find out they're bf is jerking off they think that their sexual needs aren't being met, when in reality, men are just horny bastards xD. If he didn't masturbate, you guys would have to have sex every half hour :P. Just accept him for who he is. If he told you the truth he probably really loves you alot.

  • 1 decade ago

    He told you the truth. He watches it. It is not like he's cheating on you. For guys, it is NOT for pleasure all the time. We have to ejaculate regularly or there's going to be pain down there. You're really over-reacting.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are waaaaay over reacting. Every guy jerks off, I'd be more alarmed if he didn't because he's either a liar or lacks sexual desire.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Its a guy. Not really. If you really want him to stop, you have to... well be like the girl in his porn. Dont pressure yourself though. Face it, men need Porn, Unless there girl wants some fun.

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