Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

What would you do in this situation?

I have been w/ my ex husband for 8 years, since I was 14. We got married at 18. We have a beautiful 15 month old daughter together. He was a fantastic husband and father when he wasn't drinking. But he drank almost every weekend, and he would get violent with me. When our daughter was 8 months old I couldn't take it anymore and we left him. We moved states away and started a new life. I've made new friends, I'm doing really good. I've even met a man. There is definitely chemistry. We're not in love yet, but I think it might happen.

And now my ex calls me. Our leaving devastated him, and he's cleaned up his act. His friends and family (who are also my friends/fam) are all vouching that he's a changed man.

We have so much history, and I loved him so much. But I don't trust him anymore. I have this beautiful life here now, with so much potential.

I don't know if I should give my new life the chance to grow into something wonderful, or go back to my old life and give it another chance.

I'm really conflicted. What would you do? Honestly?

Thanks.

Update:

Should have mentioned-- he's been seeing our baby. She stays with my mom for a weekend every month, and he visits her there.

He's in counseling, and a support group.

I'm really torn. He's never been violent towards our daughter at all.

7 Answers

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    dern thats a tough one try praying if your religios or just give it deep thought im sure itl come to you

  • 1 decade ago

    that is a tough decision to make a great new life new love interest and then boom like a blast from the past stirring up old feelings and causing mixed emotions. you saw fit to leave because you were not feeling that security you started out with now i am sure you feel much more secure in your new place and you made it on your own which is so great. Truthfully i would not go back just because so much has changed and picking up where you left off is not the easiest thing to do i am sure in some way you do still love him but are you still in love with him if your answer is no then you should just be friends or nothing at all. Friends and family do have the influence on you but it's not up to them that is your personal choice and most importantly of all you have your daughter to think about she is the reason you carry on everyday she needs you and she comes first so think about her place in your decision too. i am sure he was devastated when you left that is a hurtful feeling and it's good that it mad e him sober up and get his act together but if you do decide to go back to him he has to know that you are a different person now and that that trust you once had has to be built up all over again it's like getting to know each other all over again and yes is is a beautiful thing when two people work something out and go on being happy as can be but in life there are not too many guarantees and he needs to know that there will be no more chances if you go back to him actually you should ask him what he thinks will happen if you do or do not go back to him because in the end it's really your choice and you know you made the right choice when you don't feel bad after wards...so good luck to you everything will be just fine.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hey

    thats a tough one but its not fair for ur daughter to grow up with out a father so what i suggest is call him and tell him how much he hurt u ect. and tell him to either go get counseling or no. You dont want to take the risk that hes going to hurt her 2. But when shes older shes going to be curious as to who her real dad is ect. So maybe you should go to court lay out ur story and have them figure out some sort or joint custody. Like when shes in his care he HAS to be supervised

    good luck!

    ali

    ps. i wouldnt move from were u are right now u started something new for yourself and you like were u are. be happy u gave him a chance

  • 1 decade ago

    I would tell him no and change your number. Sorry that leaving him was devastating but him being violent is not acceptable. You have a daughter, what is best for her?

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

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  • 1 decade ago

    if i were you i would give my new life a chance.. because alcoholics rarely change.. you might end up being a lot happier with the new guy :)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    God made ur heart for a reason follow it and remember evrything happens for a reason.

  • 1 decade ago

    when i desert, i don't look back

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