Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

if i ask my counselor out, will she be required to end our sessions even if she turns me down?

im 21 and have been seeing to a counselor in the university counseling center. i have been talking to her about my insecurity about my looks and with girls. recently i have realized that i have a crush on her. i was thinking about sending her an e-mail telling her how i feel and asking her if she'd like to go to dinner with me, nothing serious just casually and giving her my phone number so she can call me and tell me if she's interested.

however, i was told by someone here that she would be required to turn me down and end our sessions if i asked her out. i know that she is not supposed to date clients, but is she required to end our sessions if i asked her out? am i allowed to tell her how i feel? how far am i allowed to go?

also, when does a relationship between me and her become innappropriate? i mean, she's allowed to be friends with clients right? where is the line drawn between appropriate "going out" and innappropriate "going out"?


i am not looking for a serious relationship with her, i know that won't work out. she's in her 30s and i'm 21. i would just like to go out with her.

Update 2:

ok, im not looking to have sex with her or anything, i don't want to ruin her career. and it's not like i'm "tempting" her. im not the type of guy an older woman would be tempted to pursue a sexual relationship with. if she says yes, it will only be a pitty date... we would probably just go out and talk. i just really like her and i like being around her and talking to her.

4 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Don't do it. You are her client. Its common for people to form an attachment or start crushing on someone they talk to like a teacher, counselor, their doctor, the pool man etc etc. You would be crossing the line. Don't put her in that position. And if you can't get your feelings under control you should get another therapist. She is trying to do her job. It would become inappropriate the second you ask her out. You could be honest and tell her that you are startng to like her too much and think you should get another therapist and see what she says. It would be wrong and inappropriate for you to try to 'seduce' or woo her into seeing you romantically. Just don't go there.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No, she is not your friend. No, she is not required to terminate her sessions with you. You have a very unique relationship with a therapist. That relationship is "Therapist-client." Any deviation from that is called a "Dual-Relationship." All dual relationships are unethical and some are illegal.

    It is obvious that you actually care nothing at all about your therapist and are only concerned with your own thoughts, needs and desires,else,why would you even think of tempting her to ruin a career that she has worked long and hard to achieve. Why would you even consider placing someone you like, even as a friend, into such a situation. Are you that uncaring?

    Your therapist can assist you to work through your "transference" issues. She will probably seek the help of a supervisor or collegue.

    You are not being inappropriate by telling her the way you feel; however, acting on that feeling by actually asking her out is a sure sign that you do not respect her as a professional or the special quality of the relationship that you do have. It means you do not understand your current relationship and that you quite possibly treat any woman that you speak to or open up with as an object of desire.

    The relationship becomes inappropriate when the "therapist-client" boundary is violated.

    Here is an example of one of the states laws addressing what you have suggested:

    "Intentional sexual contact - as defined in the sexual assault statute - A therapist having sexual contact with a patient or client is guilty of a felony and may be imprisoned for not more than 5 years and/or fined not more than $10,000."

    So you want to quit therapy and try to date her. Ethically/legally unless it has changed since I went to school, she may not date you or see you for a period of three years. Even then it will ruin her credibility with her peers and it may still be reported and investigated. By law and ethics any and all therapists are mandated to report her for misconduct that violates the trust of a client. (That means the "therapist-client" relationship.)

    Again, I really want to point out to you that even consicering ruining someone else's life in this way is a clear indication that you are only thinking of yourself, your own desires, and without any regard what so ever for the other person or for the rules of confidentiality and the promise she made to you when you first began therapy. Don't you remember the little paper you signed regarding the therapist client relationship.

  • 1 decade ago

    She will be required to end your sessions either way. You can, however, tell her how you feel, and ask her the best way to deal with it. I believe that friendships are not allowed either.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hmm. i understand u like her but if u want to start a relationship with her u should end your couseling. its not good to have couselors involved in your personal life. they are there to be a third party helper in lifes situations. they cant be both. good luck :]

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