Is it bad to fantisize about another man if I'm married?

I got married at 20 and now we have 2 kids. We've been married for 5 years now. About 3 years ago I met this guy at work,really cute and friendly. Couldn't flirt with him cause I worked for my husbands family. Since the day I met him I've had a crush on him. I'm always thinking about him. I don't work there anymore and neither does he. But I'm still thinking about him and he shows up in my dreams. This is affecting my relationship with my husband. I don't feel attracted to him. The word divorce comes up. I don't know what to do. I've tried forgetting about this other guy but it's just not happening. I think about what this would do to my kids. But I do need to be happy to.

16 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You said it yourself, it's a CRUSH. That means it will fade away if you let it. Remember that he has gross habits and unpleasant behaviors like all people do, and try to emphasize his bad traits rather than the good ones.

    And work on your marriage!

  • opetke
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago


    You've made a logical error here. You've equated HAPPINESS to being with THIS OTHER GUY.

    That is a falsehood. You can be very happy with your husband if you worked at it a little bit, rather than pining away for this other fella.

    So here is how you fix it:

    Whenever you think of this other fella, do something nice for your husband. Give him a kiss and a hug. Give him a forget-me-not. Give him some food or a drink. Give him a smile.

    Pretty soon, you'll be equating HAPPINESS to HUSBAND, rather than to this other fella.

    You're killing your marriage right now. Knock it off before you destroy your family.

    Good Luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    things like this happen to people that have to grow up too soon. That's why people tell young people to wait to get married and have kids, bc thoughts and feeling change. You can act upon this and leave your husband which will make the children grow up in a broken household, or you could go to counseling with your husband and try to work through your issues.

  • 1 decade ago

    When we fantasize, we imagine a situation that does not correspond with reality, but expresses certain desires. Fantasies typically involve situations which are impossible or highly unlikely.

    Many fantasies are sexual in nature. This applies to both sexes, but often one or the other mate is dissatisfied and will begin fantasizing to “get through” the lovemaking session with their spouse. People vary considerably in their ability to fantasize and in their enjoyment of this behavior. Fantasies may supplant reality for some or may serve as a poor substitute of sexual reality for others. Fantasies are often triggered by external stimuli, such as an attractive stranger or an erotic picture, movie, or story. One in four people feel strong guilt about their fantasies. Most of this is due to fantasizing about people other than current partners. This repression or guilt can lead to an unhappy sex life. Understand that fantasy is just what it is fantasy and reality is that you love your husband as he is and thinking about your idol does not make you cheating in any sense.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You got married to young & I think

    you were not ready for it. Now that

    you have 2 kids, it will be harder

    to leave your husband. It's not fair

    to your children but you can't be in

    a loveless marriage. But you didn't

    mention if you still love your husband

    or if he still loves you? I say get

    the divorce cause you want to be

    with this other guy & you will probably

    end up having an affair which is worse.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like you are not happy with your life and this guy just happens to be a secret outlet for those troubles. If you are not happy with your life try to get some help, if that does not help, then you have some serious things to consider. Just remember that your kids are not at fault, and they should be your first concern. Life has some highs and lows, just don't over-react to a low and turn it into something that you and your kids cannot reverse.

  • Think about this, as a child would you have wanted to see yoru parents unhappy, would you have wanted top see yoru kids see you so unhappy because you are tied down to your husband? Of course not, so if you are not happy, that’s going to show and the kids are going to see that and in turn they wont be happy. If you are not in love anymore, I would suggest you get a divorce. I think you just felt a thrill at the co worker, I don’t think anything was going to come of it. but just if you are not happy with him, leave him, think about your own happiness.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't think it's bad to fantisize and think about the other man..but I think it's bad if you get a divorce over something like that. Be happy in your relationship and enjoy your family. Keep this other man in your head and dreams....

    Source(s): married mommy of one lil girl
  • dude
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    The grass is always greener. . . I have a feeling once you do consummate this friendship it will wear off. Do you want your kids to go through a divorce because of your fantasizing? That's all it's been, it may be better kept in that realm.

  • 1 decade ago

    Nothing is wrong, if you keep it as what it is FANTASY!!. after all, men do it all the time. However, DO NOT allow it to affect your relationship or your children. Mostly, the grass only looks greener on that side. Let good sense prevail.

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