Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

M wife decided to leave again! We are both Christian.. What to do?

My wife and I have 2 kids and have been together 12 years We had our difficulties and in Jan she told me she wanted out. She moved out. She had an online affair for 6 months. At the beginning of the summer she realized that she wanted to give our marriage another chance. She completely left the online thing and got rid of all of her accounts etc. We had been back to dating and she was very receptive to all things. I had chosen to forgive her and we were moving forward. Things were going great. She even stated that many things were changed in our relationship and we were getting along better than we had in years. She even decided to move back into our home. Then recently she indicated that she did not have the strong feelings that she wanted between us. She said that she did not want to get back together and have this longing for this deeper connection. She indicated that she feels that we get along the best as friends, but she does not feel the deeper marriage connection.She said that she did not trust herself and did not want to live this lie. I have shown her all the love that I can, and I do believe that love is a choice not an emotion. She has gone back to her place and hopes that I will just let her go because she says it is not fair to me. I still love her and have told her that I will continue to be there for her. I am a person with a deep commitment and do not want to let her go. Please help

11 Answers

  • Art M
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You gave a great, complete, honest description (except for the relavance of being christian) - better than most people would give.

    If your portrayal is accurate, then it is done. She has lost interest in you and from the sound of things is not likely to get it back.

    Sorry this happened to you. Please don't let this drag on for 5 years like I did. Appreciate what you had, and what you will still have with her as friends and as the mother of your children.

    Learning to be single is confusing at first, and will require some changes in your thinking and your personal priorities after such a long marriage. But if you want to, and make the effort, you will eventually meet a woman who wants and deserves your affection, and will give it back to you.

    Except for this "love is a choice" business of yours. That is a problem. Maybe a big problem, maybe a small problem, but definitely a problem. Do you really think you could "choose" to love any woman off the street, and that she could "choose" to love you in return? If that were possible, we wouldn't be talking about it now.

    I strongly urge you to get some counselling to help you deal with your grief, learn to be single again, and to help avoid the possibility of a serious depression or other emotional problem that could damage your other relationships and possibly your career.

  • 1 decade ago

    Gatorman... Love is a two way commitment. God gave his beloved Israel a bill of divorcement. She was never yours to let go. Regardless of what you believe we are not owners of others.In marriage our bodies belong to each other. Not when we have chosen to leave, just as the bible says. Then you give a bill of divorcement. If you believe that love is a choice, not an emotion, then how can you possibly love God? Of all the gifts love is the greatest! A gift is something we received from God. And thus it can't possibly be a choice.In other words you chose to love your children when you didn't have too? For some reason i find that a hard pill to swallow. We are all born with God instilled with in us. Just like when the rocks cry out to the lord, or the hills move to his word. I suppose they had to learn to love Him first in order to obey his word. In any situation we are to forgive, Or we will not be forgiven. It's time to move on remain friends, and put the kids first. Your first commitment is to God. Do the right thing! Good Luck Steve, I will keep all in my prayers.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am truly sorry.

    Your wife has chosen to behave in a reprehensible manner and it is tragic that there are children involved. It is not fair for you, but it is doubly unfair for your kids. Your responsibility right now lies with them. I hope that they have not been exposed to your wife's misbehavior because it is most important that they have a steady home right now.

    I advise you to not only let her go, but encourage her to do so and leave the kids with you. You do not need the stress of an infidelitous female and they don't need a mother who would be willing to toss away a 12 year marriage because she doesn't feel that "spark" that every 16 year old is convinced will last forever.

    Source(s): Christian marriage counselor
  • 1 decade ago

    christian or not your human. i have been with my boyfriend for 10 years in a few weeks and if i was not as happy as i am i would leave. and she is not happy and wants to be happy and you should let her go and be happy and you should do some searching and see what makes you happy not her or you would be happily together. so go put on some nice clothes do your hair, shave put some expensive spray on and go look for a date for friday night (move on) just don't talk about your soon to be x on first date woman really hate that. what r you waiting for.the one could be out there with mister wrong. good luck i hope you find true love cause it is great

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  • 1 decade ago

    Look, i understand you love her but apply logic, she will come back and then leave again, it's a cycle don't you see. Look according to the Church doctrine allows divorce, I believe it' called annulment. Also look in history, King henry divorced his first wife with the blessings of the church. Look being Christian doesn't mean that you can't divorce her. Your wife is not being mature, by putting you through this. Do the mature thing: divorce her, but tell her we will be best friends. Oh and Move on.

  • 1 decade ago

    get a divorce. its clear to anyone who reads this that she is being 100% honest and read to you and doesnt wish to hurt you anymore than she has. at least she isnt staying with you and letting you think she still loves you. me and my ex husband are better friends now then we were when we were married. it sucks you spent 12 years of your life and then this had to happen. but to be honest you might be better off finding someone who wants to love you with her whole heart and not a woman who thinks of you as just a best friend. you deserve better than that. so my advise is stay single for a little bit to give your heart some time to heal, then start dating and enjoy your life. this might be the best thing to happen to you. you may not think so now but you never know. thats how i am, i thought my life was gonna be ruined when my ex husband and i split up but now im engaged to the most perfect man in the world and i couldnt be happier. my daughter with my ex husband is happy also. the kids will adapt to all of this. you will be fine. hope this helps

  • 1 decade ago

    Marriage takes two people. Yeah she is in the wrong to do this 12 years into the marriage, but you can't change her or how she feels.

    I'd let her go and find someone who wants to receive your love and give you just as much in return.

  • 1 decade ago

    WOW bro you really muust love her. I will say that it probly is not heathly for you, but i can't say i blame you for being there for her after all you do love her and have kids with her. I'm disapointed in the fact that she can't be mature enough to put her problems and feels aside to atleast give your kids a normal life and quite being selffish until they are 18. But i would assume you have the kids and i would think take them love them and move on with your lives and try to teach them better than what they have watch from their mother.

  • 1 decade ago

    You cannot control another person; just yourself.

    Sounds like she ain't coming back. I know it's a bummer, but sounds like you done everything that you can.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You don't want to let her go. But she has gone.

    You have to face facts now, let her go. She has moved on. So should you.

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