Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

My boyfriends son is 11 and wants to sleep with him when I stay over?

My boyfriend who I have been dating for 1 yr now he has a 11 yr old son who he sees very faithfully every weekend and takes him out during the week for lunch during the summer. He has unusual hrs and works from 3:00 -12-1:ish in the am. My boyfriend has been separated from his ex wife going on 3 yrs and we have been dating for roughly the past year. I am also a mom but my children are 17 and 20 so they are past this stage. It took me a while to stay there on the weekends but his son always ended up in bed with us on his Dads side. I let it to go for alittle while because my boyfriend has only a 1 bdrm and before he met me it was just the 2 of them so why would he mind.But this past summer we rented a place and I payed for half of the rental. There were 3 bdrms and this is where it started when we told him he was sleeping in one of the extra bedrooms instead he slept on the floor in our room. Now his son has fun with me and likes me, he sends me messages all the time asking where I am am..ect.But I am unsure how to handle this because my boyfriend has a divorce guilt parent thing going on and does not ever put his foot down with anything. His ex wife has a live in boyfriend who the boy does not sleep with them as well. I knew when I got involved with him it would not be easy and will take any suggestiions that might help.We are thinking in the next 3 mos to get a 2 bdrm but I dont want to sleep with his son nor do I want to sleep by myself. I hardly see my boyfriend as it is but again I am a mom who loves kids. Can I make this any easier? When his father tells him he will be sleeping on air mattress or couch he begins to scream saying he is not and he is sleeping with his dad. Even when the little boy has a friend sleep over onthe couch he will leave the friend out in living room and sleep with us. Also when he has his son I give the 2 of them all day to be by themselves and usually i will go over for supper in the evening or they hunt me down I have met the man of my dreams and enjoy his son, but think his son should be able to develop some type of security along with space? Does he think I am taking his Dad away from him? My boyfriend says he is working on it and it should not interfere with mine and his relationship that this is something with him and his son he needs to work on. Please give me any suggestions anyone might have? My boyfriend tells today that he is putting his foot down this weekend and he told me that I was not to get up and leave like I usually do during his temper tantrum? However when I asked if the boy might be deragatory towards me , he said he might ..but you need to support me on this. This will hurt me if the boys screams at me.Have any other suggestions?

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I agree, the problem isn't the son, it's the father. The son is merely doing what he can get away with. Until the father gets over the guilt thing and acts like the boy's father and authority figure instead of the boy's friend (which seems to happen a lot with divorced fathers) the boy will get whatever he wants because dad isn't putting any limitations.

    If he's not ready to change the boy will never change.

  • 1 decade ago

    Run! had the very same problem when I got engaged. I should have took a good look before leaping.

    Stepson was 9 and wanted to sleep every night with us. He didn't sleep with his mom and stepdad.

    After a while it became obvious that my husband was not going to put his foot down about it or anything else. It got worse with talking back, failing classes, lying, stealing. He put us in debt buying him things rather than pay bills.

    If I had known that he would refuse any type of discipline with the child, I would have refused to marry him.

  • 1 decade ago

    1st his dad should get over the fact of the divorce and tell his son to sleep in his room not the room you share! His dad needs to not give into the tantrums this child does or the child will never grow up he is 11yrs old way to old to be sleeping in dads room period! His dad should NEVER let this child treat you any other way but with RESPECT! If he lets his child treat you this way it will only hurt your relationship with him maybe not now but in time it will put a strain on you both. Every time the child comes into your rm he should be told and made to go back to his room! Dad needs to put his foot down and stand by it, he is not doing this child any good by giving into him. You should never let any child talk to you in this manner ever. When he starts his dad should bring him back to his moms until he can act like an 11yr old not a 4yr old. Good Luck you may e-mail if you like

    Source(s): SHE IS NOT THE PROBLEM!! IF you READ what she wrote the SON only wants to sleep in their room BUT Doesn't SLEEP IN MOMS ROOM WITH HER BF!!!! Instead of just running off at the mouth read things through FIRST!!! UGH!!!!
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