How many past sexual partners would you say is too many?
I'm a 29 year old male. I recently met this woman and we've gone on 3 dates. She seems too good to be true almost. She's smart, sweet, intelligent, and incredibly attractive. She's also 29 years old. On our third date, she asked me how many sexual partners I've had in my life. I was understandably taken aback as I thought is was way too soon to get into that, but I told her (truthfully) that I've only had 2 (which I know is low for an unmarried 29 year old man), both with women I was in long term relationships with.
She then told me that she's had 14 sexual partners!! I thought that was WAY high, but I just acted like I wasn't really that shocked. She then apologized for asking such an inappropriate question but told me that the reason she asked it was that the last boyfriend that she had, she was very much in love with and became very emotionally invested in but when the question finally came up month after they started their serious relationship, he broke up with her when she told him her "number." She told me that, although she and I have only gone out 3 times, she feels that this could turn into a long term, serious relationship and that, before she gets herself emotionally involved with me, she wanted to get this out in the open and that if it was a deal breaker, better to have it break the deal now rather than later when it might cause her to have another broker heart.
So, it doesn't really bother me too much, but 14 past sexual partners seems pretty high!! She said that some were from one night stands, although she didn't say exactly how many. She also said that, during her 2 longest relationships, she and her then-boyfriends didn't use condoms and that instead, she was on the pill, but other than those relationships, she always made sure to use a condom, all the time, every time. She also said that, before she and her most recent boyfriend began having sex, the 2 of them got tested for STD's, just as a precaution, and she was 100% clean. She also said that, before she and I become sexual active, she would want to do the same with me (if it ever gets to that point).
So, she certainly seems very responsible, and I didn't really pry into it too much with her since we're still in the "getting to know each other" stage, but, what do you all think? 14....too many, or should I just not worry about nor think about it?
Thanks for your opinions everyone.
- Betta FrankaLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
You should know the past is important, but never as important as the present, if she's clean and faithful that's everything you should care about. I also think that telling about one's sexual past is inappropriate, for any stage of the relationship and people should be never discussing this topic, past should be left where it is. If I was you, I would try to forget everything she's said and keep dating her for who she is.
- 1 decade ago
It is intimidating for sure, that's natural to feel that way and to question it. The worst part that I can think of is what kind of person is she vs who she was. It's never a comforting thought to think that a person you may have feelings for has been around the block a few times to put it lightly. If you feel like you might get attached to her, I would dig a little deeper into her personality and find out if she is putting on a facade or not. She very well regret most of or all of her past partners. If she shows like she's getting attached to you and wants to invest her feelings into you, I would say that you don't need to worry about it. She would essentially be choosing you over anyone else. And from man to man I would try and find out if she has a past of cheating or not with her record. I'm not making any assumptions but my ex has had more partners than she's been years alive and cheating was a history with her, and I got burned bad. I knew what I was getting myself into but it still came as a surprise.
- shamrock girlLv 41 decade ago
I don't think 14 is really all that high for 29. Most single 29 year olds have been with way more than that. Maybe it seems high to you because you have only been with 2. Get over it. At least she is honest.
- burnleyLv 44 years ago
you're able to renounce thinking approximately your self. you're jointly for an entire host of motives. the undeniable fact that he replaced into sexually energetic interior the previous, yet is now waiting for you is a competent sign of his constancy. No guy desires to be a virgin. Sorry. all of us attempt to lose ours, beginning at age 13 or so. you're needless to say from somewhat diverse subcultures. you're able to not choose him as lacking some thing in line together with his option to do some thing that occurs instinctually. every physique's skill to attend is astounding, fairly, yet we've an animal's physique, with all the drives that that includes. you at the instant are not likely to posess him once you do get married. you won't be his first, yet you are going to have first declare on him, physique and soul. which may be adequate for you.
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- 1 decade ago
If this is really bothering you now, then your never gonna get over it. The number isn't tattooed on her forehead.