I was wondering if this sounded like a good way to start off my book

It starts off with the boy(Hunter) in his village. His father is telling him what a great leader he will make because his father is the leader of the village. Hunter does not want the responsibility so he runs away. The only problem is his father is stric, mean person and will not let anyone leave the village except for a few.

Hunter gets away at dawn before anyone is up. Before he leaves, his sister tells him how she got away and fell in love with a man that owns a farm close to the village entrance. Their father had caught and took her back to the village. His sister tells him to go there and find him.

Hunter runs away and finds the man. He gives him a map and tells him to leave because his father will search here first. Hunter barely escapes from his father. He runs through a forest and cuts up his hands because of the thorn bushes.

Then he finds a wolf, bloody, on the ground. he touches the wolf's side and feels a pain, as if being struck by lighting and passes out. When he wakes up the wolf talks to him in his mind. The wolf's name is Fang and he tells them since their blood met they now share a bond.

Fang is very upset by this, he thinks humans are disgusting creatures with no hearts. Fang,wants to get away from Hunter as quickly as possible, tells Hunter that he knows a wolf who was once bonded to a human but they broke the bond. They set off into to the forest to find him. Fang is not happy that they have to work together and constantly is a jerk in every way to Hunter. While they are running, Hunter notices that his sight, hearing, and smell have increased. Fang tells him that he gained the abilities because of him and states that nothing could be gained from a human(later Fang figures out he can understand human language).

When they find the wolf named Sharpclaw, he tells them that the only way to breake the bond is to find the Crystal Sword but it has been lost for many seasons. Fang enraged hates to think of spending the rest of his life with Hunter. Hunter, confused of why Fang hates him suggests that they could to this village that has merchants and they could learn something from them.

They go and find a shady merchant who has a tablet about the sword but refuses to give it to them because they have little money. Fang attacks the merchant and Hunter steals the tablet. When they get away, the tablet says if they wish to find the Crystal Sword they must climb through Smoke Mountain, cross the Great River, and get through the Barren Land. Fang says that he knows where the Smoke Mountain is so they start heading to it.

Before they reach it, the merchant confronts them with 3 others. They fight and Hunter and Fang are able to drive them away. They decide to rest that night because of their injuries. Fang begins to tell Hunter how it was his dream it become the Alpha for his group and Hunter tells him why he ran away.

After a few more days of traveling they begin to climb Smoke Mountain. From there they meet a hunter who wonders lost around the mountain. He had been there for so long that he can not remember his name. The man tells him how he was hunting a beast of fire that appears in legends known as Flamebacks. He says they are a lizard like creatures that walk on two legs and have flaming backs. The man soon moves on to catch one and Fang grumbles on how stupid humans are in believing fairy tales.

As they climb the smoke gets thicker and thicker until they can not see any more and they stumble across a Flameback(they can understand and speak human language). The lizard creature scoffs at them for not being able to see through smoke and points them in the direction to leave. The lizard lumbers off and Hunter taunts Fang saying I guess fairy tales are real.

When they get off the mountain they stumble into a village where they meet a girl named Tara. She is impressed that they got through the mountain and offers them to stay the night at her parents house to relax.

The next morning before they leave Hunter realizes he likes Tara and promises to see her after the bond is broken.

As they travel, Fang tells Hunter how he fell in love with a wolf named Shadow and how hunters came and killed her. Fang was ashamed of himself because he ran and did not stay to protect her.

After awhile they reach a gaint river and they figure it is the Great River. The only why to cross it is to swim so they start swimming. As they swim Fang notices Hunter having trouble so Fang lets him hang on to him. When they reach the other side, Fang claims he only helped Hunter because if he was swept away by the current, he would be forced to follow. Hunter does not buy the story and belives Fang saved because they are friends.

Thanks now tell me what you think of my fiction book and how I started it off and anything you think I could change. Thanks a lot!

I am still trying to work out a villian so tell me if you have any ideas!

9 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It sounds pretty good. But change up some of the names, the names will make readers generalize your story with others. Fang, Sharpclaw, Shadow, great River, Smoke Mountain, and Crystal Sword all fit this cliche sort of group. Try using more unusual names and I think you will be able to get the response you are looking for.

  • 4 years ago

    I agree with two other answers to find some inspiration and write about what you like or look in magazines/papers for inspiration. The first stories people often write are about something that has happened to them or someone they know. You could write about a current issue, the credit crunch, and how a family start to lose their wealth through job loss and investments. It could be emotional and dramatic with perhaps the perspective taken from a teenage persons view point.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well done. Now, study something called "pleons"; words that distract or slow down the action of your story.

  • 1 decade ago

    you are an amazing story teller! no changes needed and maybe a villian can be a huge grizzly bear

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
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    1 decade ago


  • 1 decade ago

    It's great!!!

  • Dee
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    you already asked this... :)

  • 1 decade ago

    pretty good now answer mine if you can please;_ylt=ApJLn...

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