Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

31 weeks pregnant and problems with husband... what should I do?

This last Saturday I went to a co-workers sons b-day party with my husband. My husband had a few beers then he started drink the hard stuff. Me being 31 weeks pregnant I should have to baby sit my husband becasue he cant even walk straight. Were both young, hes 21 and I am 20. We use to have lots of fun going to parties, drinking and having a good time but every since I got pregnant I am against that. And I feel that if I have to go through this pregnancy and not drinking so our son will be healthy, then he shouldnt either. I dont want that stuff around my son and other future children. Anyway I caught him smoking weed at this party. I went out front looking for him and all the other guys said he wasnt out there and I go around the car and there he was ( he seemed to be hiding ) and he was taking a hit and as soon as he saw me he was urged to hit the weed by handing it over quickly.... I just turned around and walked away and was upset that he was trying to hide something from me. Anyway I just want him to be a great example to our son and not hide things and be drunk around him and smoking pot. Is this normal for me to go through this.... I just want better for my children and to teach them right from wrong. What should I do? Is this a big deal. And another thing is, he doesnt seem to know or understand how uncomfortable pregnancy is. I have to beg him to give me a massage, because of the back pain. He doesnt understand why Im more hungary or sleepy. What would you do?

13 Answers

  • 1 decade ago

    You and him love to party and drinking is normal as everyone knows.

    But it is good you are not drinking while pregnant but that dont mean he cant. Yall are both still young and have alot of years to be wild but there is a child on the way and you cant do alot of things that he can, but he should also respect you enough to not do some of the things and do the others. It is okay for him to drink but if he hasn't smoked WEED before then there could be something on his mind that he is not telling you about. Just because the baby is in you dont mean the guys dont get the stress to. Sit down and talk to him see if there is anything on his mind that is making him do these things or who has him doing these things . You know friends can get you to do anything . He should be the one to rub your back when it is hurting without you having to beg him for a back rub. Women get very hungery and sleepy while pregnant, you are now doing for 2 not just 1 ,and the baby will take a lot out of you believe it or not. I think talking about it would be the best thing and asking him why was he smoking weed. Dont stress over it some guys are different and they do different things to make their life easier. It aint the act of GOD but you know it always helps to talk and if he loves you and you love him it is normal to do different things

    Source(s): TALK AND ASK
  • 1 decade ago

    Been there, done that. women become mothers the minute we concieve and men dont become fathers till their children are born. It is completely normal for you to be feeling this way.

    My fiance smoked weed a few times when I was pregnant and I was so mad. Since the baby was born he has been a great dad and done a 180. He now understands that it is illegal and he wont risk DCF taking our son away or getting involved. He doesn't party anymore either, although I let him drink an occasional beer, plus he is of age.

    Not all men change, but mine did, do hang in there.

    About the massage, well men dont have any clue how hard it is to be pregnant and trust me if they did, they would never do it.

    Congrats on the baby, sounds like you will be a terrific mom!

  • 1 decade ago

    Well ... I am sorry you are going through this. You both are young and at his age it's not uncommon for him to get wasted (I know I did when I was that age). However, he is about to be a parent and needs to learn to be more responsible. On the other hand, I don't feel you can expect him not to drink (getting wasted ... yes, that's too much) because you can't drink. That just seems a little unfair. What you can expect is for him to carry himself like an adult and know when to stop. If this is not something that happens on a regular basis, I would just look over it. As far as the weed. It would bug me too if I found out he'd been hiding it. I'm not sure what you can do about it though. If he's been doing it all along it's unlikely that he will stop now. What you can expect is for him to smoke it outside or somewhere away from you while pregnant, and away from the baby when he/she arrives. I have been married for 5 years and realize you can't control others.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's unfair of you to think that he should give up smoking or drinking because you did. You don't have to give up doing those things, it's not illegal to do such things after all but you want what's best for your baby so you don't drink or smoke or do drugs. In the end, your husband is probably feeling odd too. A baby is about to come into his life and no matter how happy or excited he may seem there's going to be a bit of nervousness there. If he doesn't make a habit out of drinking like that or smoking weed then it shouldn't be a problem. Just explain calmly that you don't want it to happen again because you're pregnant and you want you both to be good examples to the baby and leave it at that. He can then choose his life of drinking and drugs or you and the baby and it HAS to be his choice.

    Nobody is perfect. I'm a mother and a wife and I have a glass of wine every couple of nights and I smoke. We all have our downfalls but I am a damn good mother and will make sure my child grows up in an environment that teaches her things and lets her experience things without the idea of a utopia. You should do the same.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Talk to him. Your not being hormonal. Your priorities and responsibilities just shifted from that of a 20 year old living care free to that of a Mother with her child's best interests at heart. His behavior is irresponsible and you should talk to him about it. If he doesn't change then I would personally move on. Listen I was 18 when I had my first son. My husband and I got married that same year. I was 20 when I had my second son and my husband was 22. I didn't forbid him to drink -- that's childish -- but I did ask he drink with moderation. Just in case something were to happen and I needed him capable of relatively rational thought to make a decision (like if I went into early labor or something). I hate drugs. That would be a deal breaker for me if he didn't quit. Anyway, we grew up fast. Most people didn't think we would make it past 2 years -- in fact most didn't think we would get to one. But my husband and I, despite being young, were determined. We had good communication, the ability to compromise, and we cared for each other. We were 100% committed to making it work. Yes, for the sake of our children, but also because we love each other. I'm now 24. We bought a home to raise our two kids in. We've been married for 6 years and are going strong. We are very happy and have a healthier marriage then many people married for 20+ years. It CAN be done. I'm walking proof. But you BOTH have to commit to the cause and make an effort. If his priorities don't align with what is in the best interest for the child then YOU as the child mother MUST make sure you get out of there. I wish you best of luck. Please try talking to your husband and reaching a compromise before giving up hope. Your two are young and he may not have a clue what it is he's doing.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The problem is that when you got married, you were looking for a party boy, and you found one and married him.

    Leopards don't change their spots just because someone else wnats them to. If you wanted better for your children, you should have carefully selected a man who was good husband and father material BEFORE you married him, slept with him and got pregnant.

    Talk to him about it, if he's willing to be the man you need him to be, then work on it, if not, then you either have to wait him out, or leave.

    We ALL, at one point or another, have to take responsibility for the people we've chosen to be our children's other parent. I'm very sorry that you are displeased with your choice, but it's really hard to fix something once it's already broken.

    That said, if you choose to wait until he's ready to be a man, don't risk any more children until he's at least willing to give it a shot. That means no sex. Which could change his mind sooner rather than later. Don't be a jerk about it, just, "Sorry, I can't risk getting pregnant again until yuo're ready to be a husband and a father, rather than a good-time party boy."

  • 1 decade ago

    Kayla honey he's immature and they JUST don't grow up as quickly as we do. EVERY WOMAN in the world can tell you how frustrating men are when they pull their ALMOST always selfish acts. It's completely NORMAL for the both of you, he does need some time to blow off his immaturity and you should sit him down and tell him it's ONLY fine up to a certain extent however once you get closer to delivering the baby it's GOTTA stop if he wants to be an active part, make sure he understands how you would LOVE to be there doing that with him and request that he hide nothing from you (seeing as that's NOT an adult act) but you now DON'T have that option anymore and would LOVE for him to step up and be a responsible adult like you are being forced to. As far as him understanding the pregnancy GOOD LUCK cause he NEVER will. You could TRY and have him read the dad section of what to expect when you're expecting book, I found it to be a great help, because it DOES address their feelings in all of this too. It's easy for us to get wrapped up in how we feel and we tend to forget that they're an instrumental part in the they don't know how to feel or act either part. And all I can say is if you feel this strongly about what he's doing now you shouldn't have to worry to much about being able to raise your children to do right from wrong, sounds like you're off to a fine start. Just breathe, when you get to stressed out breathe slowly and deeply in through your nose an and slowly exhale through your mouth, for as many times as it takes to start to feel better bout the situation. GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS

  • Punky
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Wow, that is pretty immature. Then again, you guys are quite young to be married and have a baby! At that age guys are too self involved to know what you are going through.

    I don't think it's fair for you to ask your husband to completely give up drinking. You're a big enough girl to have a baby, you should be a big enough girl to be able to withstand temptation that might harm your baby without making your whole environment adapt to you.

    He is probably not going to be the best example to your child, at least for a few years.

    But then again, chances are he's not doing anything differently from before you were pregnant and you still decided to reproduce with him so all I can say is Good Luck! Just make sure you love that baby and do the best you can for him!

  • 1 decade ago

    Alas. Why did you choose a man like this to have children with? Did he do this before you married? Where was your radar?

    Hunny, if you had been my sister, you would have never ever even had a second date with a guy like this... a drunk. ( and that's okay to be married to a drunk... they can be lots of fun, and hold down great jobs, making lots of money (been there... a blast) .

    But to have a child with one???Nooooooo I don't think so

    If you wanted better for your child, you needed to have found a dad candidate, and formed a bond of love, support, respect, and admiration. From this posting, you have none of these with this guy.

    You're now in the unenviable position of making a silk purse of a sow's ear, and jerk this idiot into reality to be a parent.

    None of us would trade places with you. Dealing with an alcoholic during a time you need his support, isn't going to be much fun.

    Source(s): teacher/counselor
  • 1 decade ago

    He really needs to grow up. If this isn't the kind of life you want for your child, you need to be firm with him and explain that to him. He can either grow up and be the mature father that he needs to be or he needs to step to the curb. It's just that simple. I don't put up with immaturity from men or women. You have to be the grown up now and if he's not willing to change, it's time to drop him.

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