Vot Would Like To "Forward" A Question To All "Never-Married" Single JWs....?

.... It was:

"Isn't it a bit hypocritical for married JWs to say to us 'Why don't you wait to find a *perfect* mate?' ?"

What do you think? Of course, other JWs can answer too.

And if you don't understand the question, that means you probably shouldn't be answering it :)



More detail- by "perfect mate" they didn't mean "someone who is good for you"

It means *perfect* in the absolute sense- i.e pre-forbidden fruit Adam-like.....

18 Answers

  • Mindy
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You think that's hard try being a woman who is studying the Bible, not baptized (I feel dedicated though), wants a Christian husband but has to wait until sometime after baptism because if any Christian men show interest in me now it shows that their spirituality is not where it should be, and then even when I do become baptized there is the possiblity that I still may not find a suitable man to be my husband.

    * sigh *

    Men really don't know how hard it is to be a woman, and being a Christian woman is even harder. What Debbie2243 was saying had me almost in tears, I want so bad to feel the touch and caress of a good Christian husband man and wake up everday in his arms. I'd treat him like royalty.

    Okay, now I need Ben & Jerry's ice-cream.

    Source(s): My heart
  • Kerika
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    If you mean, when people say wait until the new system to marry, yeah I can see how that would get on some single people's nerves.

    I don't think the people who say it mean any harm, but I don't personally say that, because I don't have the gift of singleness and I am married, so.. umm... yeah, I don't say it because I feel it would be a little hypocritical. I think some who are not happy in their own marriages might make up a big percentage of those who say it. Some people in that situation have counseled me similar to what you described, but they openly admitted they were not enjoying their marriage.

    Contentment and keeping busy spiritually while waiting for a mate is very important, whether that wait be until sometime in this system or the next. So I do give that as my two cents when chatting with my single pals.

  • 1 decade ago

    I would encourage a brother or sister to wait and learn about the person they may be interested in because you cannot judge a book by its cover. Many a Witness has married in the truth only to find that who they married was putting on a front. I know others who have "dated" for a long time and made sure. Even before "dating" they inquired of the elders, mature Witnesses, watched the person from afar, evening going to get togethers where they would be. They wanted to be sure as Jehovah hates a divorcing.

    A perfect mate is some one who fills your needs, makes you happy and is on the same page you are. This takes time and patience to find someone like that. Some can be misguided in their concern. In the end it has to be up to the two people involved.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First of all, Hunny I saw that question and your advice to that brother was perfectly appropriate. He was looking for women online, and wanted to know how to meet JW women online, which is not in harmony with the counsel we have received, and would likely not work out well for either party. It was good to tell him to 'back off' a bit! :)

    For Vot, I have been married and am currently in the process of divorcing. My husband fell into the category of what Granny described above. There were times when our marriage was absolute bliss but other times when it was an absolute nightmare. Only because of worldly habits he adopted/fell back into, though.

    I really think that for two people who love Jehovah, they can make their marriage work if they just apply the counsel we've received to put Jehovah, and then each other, first. Marriage is a wonderful gift.

    With that being said, I am finding out that singleness also has its advantages - I have so much more time now! I can eat an apple for dinner if I want, without having to worry about how hungry anyone else is. I can hang out with friends without worrying about my husband feeling left out. I don't have to clean gross toilets and showers!!! ;) The biggest advantage of all is that I can really focus on spiritual things.

    There are many things I miss about marriage, but there are real pros and cons to both sides. Marriage can be an amazing, wonderful thing when you both love Jehovah and are committed to making it work. But it can be worse than you could possibly imagine if you find yourself with the wrong person.

    Anyway, to answer your question, I think sometimes the person telling you to wait for a "perfect mate" just thinks so highly of you that they don't want you to marry someone who isn't as spiritually minded or mature. Or, in other cases (I don't think this applies to you), they may feel that the person is focusing way too much on finding someone and not enough time working on their own spirituality/maturity.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Your question is to those single & never married.

    I don't fit this description , I am on my 3rd marriage , hope this one keeps going strong or people may start calling me Liz Taylor.

    I just wanted to take the chance to say hello to an old friend & say it is so nice to see you on again & a happy question you have asked compared to the last question I answered of yours. Hope you are feeling better .

    I guess I better give an answer.

    If the Vot wants to find love & get married she should do so , just do your best to make sure he has Jehovah's interests & your interests at heart & you can get on very well . You can have a successful marriage & still serve Jehovah .

    If Vot wants to stay single then she should do that , Vot should follow her heart with serving Jehovah as the main goal .

    Sorry the pest does not feel advice on marriage is one of his strong points.

    Nice to see you , agape

  • 1 decade ago

    In all my years in the truth, I've never heard the advice to wait for a "perfect" mate. That's impossible, all are imperfect. If they say anything like this they are going beyond Jehovah, whose only stipulation was to marry only in the lord. Its true that one Bible verse suggested singleness, and others describe the tribulation in the flesh that is part of marriage in these last days. Marriage can still be a wonderful thing, as long as one marries only in the lord, and Jehovah comes first in the marriage.

    The brothers or sisters that mentioned waiting no doubt meant well, probably reflecting on problems they have had. But, to marry or not is totally up to the individual.

  • 1 decade ago

    Even with perfection, there will be personality differences and choices to make.

    Discernment will still be part of the process of selection, and what goals a person will have at that time may come into play.

    So perfection may or may not be the "cure all".

    Remember, Jehovah gave the command to marry and have children to perfect humans BUT ALSO to imperfect humans - Noah and his descendants.

    So Jehovah knew that by abiding by his standards that marriage between two imperfect humans could be happy, fulfilling, meaningful, and lasting.

    There are some spiritual privileges that are only open to single persons - but there are some privileges open to those who are married, and at least one that is open to ONLY married persons.

    Look at all the doors, set your goals, and make your decisions.

    P.S. Married 42 years.

    Source(s): One of Jehovah's Witnesses
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am not single but I remember when I was people used to say that to me all the time and I was content to wait and then a wonderful man came along not perfect but close enough for me and ruined all my plans I try not to say the same thing to single one but I see so many who are clearly not ready for the commitment of marriage entertaining the idea of marriage I some times find my self say "oh no wait for a perfect man" and then I kick myself

  • 1 decade ago

    As a Jehovah's Witness for many years, I can assure you that no one has been advised to wait for a "perfect mate". No one is perfect and JWs are free to marry an imperfect human.

    We do encourage unmarried Witnesses to "marry only in the Lord" as is advised in the Scriptures, but that is certainly a good suggestion as it leads to fewer arguments and discord, especially about religion. I married a man who was a JW for most of his life. He later decided he didn't really believe in anything, yet we are still married. I'm not being punished or held accountable for his choice.

    I hope this helps.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am not a JW yet at least & I am single because my wife died & I am too old to even think about finding a wife .

    Are you looking for a perfect mate ?

    Was not Jesus the only perfect man since Adam ?

    If you waiting for perfection wait unit after Armageddon because you won't find him here .

    Which leads to the next point are you the perfect wife material ?

    Just find someone in your own faith that you are compatible with & share the same views & goals & try to make it work .

    With Gods help you can do it.

    You do not have to listen to me I am an old fool but I have experienced life.

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