NeoGC asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

I'm having violent thoughts and I'm afraid they're driving me insane!?

I had to live for 3 years with an absloutley hateful stepmother which (me being a sensitive person) considered it as "mental abuse" seeing as she totally neglected me and never said said a single positive thing about me and would wrongfully call me a liar or a "rude person" which is totally wrong because every adult usally talks good about me to my mom (I helped take the trash out at a friend's house without said to.)

But along with these problems (my dad and stepmom recently got divorced,thankfully.) I had been verbally abused at school (tons of people insulted me and teased me and bullied me for no reason relentlessly.) and although this is all stopped now I'm having violent thoughts out of hatred. Thoughts of killing those people, including my terrible stepmom. I'm (by nature) a non-agressive person, so I really wouldn't do that, but recently as i've thought of those graphic thoughts, i start to get a twisted grin on my face, that starts to break into manical (or hysterical or whatever you call it.) laughter, and although for some reason i seem to like these thoughts, i've been very afraid of these thoughts and I think the irrational part of my mind is acting up.

My friend just says this is normal teenage hormones which makes sense seeing as i'm only 14, but I really need to find the truth. on what really is going on here! Help,and sorry for the wall of text.

P.S. And no, I don't hear voices or see hallucations.

Update:

To answer some questions, i honestly don't think i'm at the point to really kill them, even though I really want to, my family (that I know) is all good witht he exception of my ex stepmother. I had it drilled into my head when I was little that killing in real life is very,VERY bad.

Update 2:

Just to let you all know, I HIGHLY DOUBT i'm going to be the next Micheal Myers or Joker. XD

Update 3:

Well,thanks to your answers, I've become deeply ashamed of myself.

I did cry when I noticed what i've become, but don't feel bad! That has saved me in the end! :)

I don't think i am at the point to need counsling, but it's a good suggestion nevertheless, talking with my friends online had also made it better.

I'm no longer going to let these thoughts turn me to madness. From this day foreward, I'm going to fight!

Thanks everyone for everything and when I can, i'll select an answer.

11 Answers

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  • J
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm 16 and have had similar thoughts to yours, so your not alone. I am also a non-aggresive person but have had racing thoughts of murder to my family. This is scary as i know i'd never kill them. It's as if i'm not in control of my thoughts and ideas.

    It isn't a good idea to bottle up your emotions as this can lead to severe metal issues as i have unfortunately discovered.

    My advice to you is to buy a punch bag.

    Imagine that it is your step-mom or a bully and let out your anger and hatred. This will make you feel so much better.

    If you can't get rid of these "obsessive" thoughts go to a therapist.

    All the best!!!

  • 4 years ago

    As a bipolar I would get violent or suicidal thoughts during a mixed mode condition, in other words, being manic and depressed at the same time. What you end up with is a highly volitile state of high energy with the negative component of depression, this creates anxiety, and irritability and can produce violent thoughts.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm 15 and like last year i had those thoughts..... load's of them and i am the joker of my school but its nothing to worry about. last year cause i'm a song writer i learned to be a lot more observant and then i became amazing at it so with this great insight i realized .... wait a minute my dad is a massive prick bastard dick. so i imagined the same things as you and i got scared as well but i did a thing to stop the scaredness by every time i had one i laughed and made it funny so then i started to tell my friends in school every time it happened and they laughed so it made me realize what's the point in getting worried by it.

    i occasionally get these thoughts now but only for a few seconds cause i know i will just laugh about it and it will go away so i don't take notice of them anymore. i actually thought of one this morning when i was having breakfast and my mum was shouting at me so i imagined throwing the fork at her head but it makes me laugh now so don't worry cause it isn't an issue but if you keep them in your head it could become a big issue by filling your head with these thoughts for to long it could lead in to your subconscious making you a very depressed person without noticing it so dont let it use any of your time and you will be fine.lol

    sorry for this wall of text.ha

  • Bb
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I doubt its just teenage hormones alone. Teenage hormones might make you call your ex step mom a b*tch but not create a desire to kill her. Being overly sensitive doesn't help in this case. What you need is to seek counseling I did for my issues and it helped me stop cutting myself. You can talk to someone you trust or talk to your doctor and have him or her refer you to somewhere you can go to get help (granted since you are young if you ask your doctor he or she will be obligated to tell your parents so if you don't want them to know just yet seek counseling from some other medium such as a teen hotline or something anonymous or even your friends.)

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's a defense mechanism, everybody does it. The difference is most people know not to act on them. Let it out on Grand Theft Auto IV

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Go see a counselor. It will help a lot. Sorry about your step-mother. It does suck. I am glad you are out of the situation now. I was bullied also. Talking to someone does help. Get advice from someone.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i am so sorry. :'(. i hate evil manipulative bitches! u sort of sound like me, it doesn'tt seem like u came from a really bad family, but had a bad person in ur life. i was friends with this really manipulativeive spoiled girl. and whenever u sort of stood up for yourself she'd put you on a guilt trip! i hated her so so much, and would always dream of killing her in her sleep when i had to have sleepovers with her. she's still in my class and a *****, but not like one of the hot ***** mean girls on tv. shes actually really ugly, lol. but i imagine telling her how much i hate her, then giving her a chelsea grin, then smashing her head in with a ******* baseball bat!!!!! i hate her so so much. so maybe this is what u feel towards ur stepmom? idk im 14 too, but its prolly weirder for me cuz im a girl and were sposed to be all sweet... so maybe it is normal. when people ignore me, or get im my personal space i want to violently kill them!!!! even if their my best friend. ugh i think the bith screwed me up cuz we were "friends" from when i was like 8-12. so i hope u dont kill anyways. :); it would serve em right tho. people should get hints, and ur stepmom sounds awful. but some people are like socially retarded, like i said its really annoying when people invade my space!! so of course i just move away, but they get even closer than before. :'( sorry for writing so much. but yea its prolly pretty normal, but i dont really know.... well good luck! if u want to talk to me u can email me at emmsisso@yahoo.com

    :D i hope she learns her lesson without u having to get in trouble

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Let's just hope you're not on the news some day.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you gotta see a therapist kid. serial killers get their start this way. go get medical help.

  • 1 decade ago

    dude ive been there. u know wat i found helpful? i draw stick figures kiling eachother and its really fun and it helps relieve the anger cus some of them are funny. drawing helps. u could also keep a journal that helps me vent too.

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