Fight with my boyfriend? Any ADViCE please?
My boyfriend and I had a fight today. I'm not sure if I overreacted or was right with this. I know I could have handled it differently? Advise??
Basically the argument was about some vacation plans this week. He has this week off for vacation. He had spoken about tentatively taking the week off and planning a short 2 or 3 day trip with his 3 kids. He asked me to come along initially and I thought it was a really good idea as I would like to get to know his kids a little bit better. We have been dating for a year and I have hardly gotten to know his kids at all. When he has them every other weekend they usually just do their own thing. But as things progress with me and him I was wanting to be a part of his life a little more. He seems open to that and like he is wanting that too but it hasn't really happened yet.
Anyways he knows I work Mon-Thurs but usually have Friday and the weekend off. He told me yesterday that he was taking his son on a trip to a city to see a sports game on Monday. And then when they get back was going to take all of the kids to a theme park out of town. He planned it for the days I was working and hasn't included me in any of the planning. He is just like 'these are the days we're going ... oh you're working ... okay see you in a week then'. He didn't try and schedule this to include me or ask me to see if I could change my schedule a bit.
He says last time he asked me to change work around for a spontaneous trip to a beach (him and me) I told him it was too late to switch things and that I didn't want to lose the shift. Also the kids are supposed to go back to their moms next weekend. I think he does want me to come but I'm mad and hurt that he didn't try and include me in the plans or even ask me if I would like to see what I can do with my schedule.
We texted each other today and I tried to explain how I felt. When he didn't text back for an extended period of time I told him to forget about msging me back and to contact me sometime in the future. I didn't mean that I wanted to break up but I was mad. He asked me if I was breaking up with him via text? I said no but tried to explain that I was upset. Then I asked him if he wanted me to break up with him via text? He just said he was driving but never texted me back.
I don't know what this all means. I know he loves me but I was really hurt by some of the things he did. Any advise? Should I contact him again or just wait until he is home next week to talk? Advise?
- sugar.spyceLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
You are being very unreasonable here. And you made it worse my talking to him and explaining your feelings via text. That's the worst thing you can do.
He wants you to get to know his kids more, but remember his kids come first. If his kids wanted to go sometime during the week he can't put it all off for you. I know you guys are going out for year....but still, kids are #1 priority.
Yea sure he could have asked you to come and insisted on changing your schedule. But if you don't want to loose the shifts, you can't expect him to change the entire schedule with his kids for you. Also amusement parks are worse during weekends. So I don't blame him for going on a weekday.
I suggest you talk to him in person, OR at least on the phone. Call him before he leaves. Sorting it out will make him relaxed and he won't be stressed out or pre-occupied thinking about you during the trip.
Tell him that you were a bit upset. Tell him that after asking you to be a part of the mini vacation, he made plans without acknowledging you or letting you know about it so you could make arrangements. Tell him that it makes you feel unwanted. (or so I am guessing that's how you feel)
Communication is important in a relationship. And if that communication is going to be based on text messages, then the relationship will tumble.
- 5 years ago
This happened to me and my longtime boyfriend. Everything was great, but towards the end all we could do was fight. We'd fight over the dumbest things in the world. But when we actually got in a serious fight, it was his fault. I was always the one saying sorry even though i know i wasn't wrong. (Don't let this worry you. We didn't break up because of this, he cheated.) I would defiantly confront him about it. I would ask him: have you felt anything different in our relationship? We've been fighting a lot. Is everything ok with you? What has changed? When he gives you an answer go from there. Compromise with him. Ask him what you two can do to come to agreements when you fight. Two years is a while. Try sparking up your relationship again. Take him to his favorite place, or the place where you two met or kissed. Somewhere to make him say wow. Show him how much you care. Just see how things go. I'm here if you need to talk! Best wishes and God bless Katrina
- JaneLv 41 decade ago
Your feelings are your feelings. He did not want to have this conversation via text or in person because he was spending time with the kids. This is something between the two of you and should be shared in a private calm setting without the kids around. If you have such strong convictions how far do you plan on taking this relationship with this man? Do you foresee marriage? These are questions that you and he should be asking yourself. If I got divorced and decided to date, unless I was seriously considering remarriage I would limit contact with the man I was seeing. No need for my children or me to get deeply attached. I would make that understood at the same time. If he really wanted to include you he would plan something with you and the kids on the weekend. This does not mean he does not want you there but wants to spend time with the kids. Your work schedule is your work schedule and there is nothing he can do about it. You should know that. Stop throwing a temper tantrum because I would think you broke up with me via text too. You are taking this way out of hand. You two need to sit down and determine your future plans together and how the kids fit in. Nothing is promised and no one wants their kids to get attached and possibly hurt. Your actions were a bit childish and I am a woman speaking to you as a woman. Communication is the key here. Talk to him when he gets in.
- Mr WarriorLv 71 decade ago
I think you overeacted.
I look at it like this, you work mon-thurs as usual. You planned with him to take a short trip with the kids . I assume it would be on your time off as u did not say u took vacation time. So i will put that as obviously fri-sun this short vacation was scheduled.
Is it "wrong" of him to want to spend that time while u are working with his own kids especially when he planned to do the vacation with you at the end of the week with the kids anyway.
You are saying he has not included you when he has. You are going on the short trip with him!
These theme park things , and sports gaames are spontaneus decisions and i would have assumed the same thing if i was in his position , that it was too short notice for you to take time off. Especially if this incident has happened in the past.
He planned the short trip with you so he has not excluded you. I really think you over reacted in this situation.
Usually in questions i will look at both sides of the matter and wonder what i would do in either sides situation. In this case with your point of view i just find what you sare saying has no merit.
Having said that everyone is a different person and has more needs and wants than everybody else. If your the type of person that needs to be included in everything then obviously you expect more from him than he is offering.
But as i said if your not a demanding person what he did was not wrong because he did include you. He actually gave it thought and planned to have you there for the short trip.
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- 1 decade ago
It sounds like you got a good guy..don't blow it by trying to be to pushy..I know most will disagree with me but in my opinion the best thing parents can do is keep a lil distance between the kids and the new gf/bf. I know you have been dating a year but really whats a year? I am a firm believer in a way a man protects and treats his children is the way he will protect and treat his wife. If he is loyal and devoted to his children he will be loyal and dedicated to you..the difference..they are children you are the adult so for now they come first. Tex him you understand he needs time with the kids and that you love him and will see him next week. Trust me it will work.
- 1 decade ago
sounds like a tough situation. I have never dated anyone with kids, but it sounds really wierd that you have been dating him for so long and still don't know his kids very well. Sounds like he is being over protective of his kids maybe he's afraid of confusing them if they are still young. Just a guess. There is Definatly an issue though, something he's not communicating with you. Just wait til he gets back even though I know that will be hard. But he won't want to talk about it in front of his kids so it's best to just wait when you can talk face to face.
- 1 decade ago
Don't contact him let him have this to himself and time to think. You guys having been dating for a year and if he is serious about making the relationship last you should be included in things with his kids, but he might be nervous about the kids getting to attached to you or who knows. Have a talk to him when he contacts you when he gets back no texting face to face.
- 1 decade ago
God it sounds like your dating my husband! I know you aren't but he does the same god damn thing, with the texting that is. I don't think you are wrong at all. But in mens mind, we always do. It almost seems like he is afraid of his ex. Is there possibly something still there and he doesn't want her to know about you? I really think the best thing is for you to try and talk. Don't blame or assume anything. Tell him how you feel and let him talk.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
you have been together a year and he hasn't let you really spend any time with his kids that seems weird to me i don't think you over reacted at all he should have talked to you. if i were you i would just let him be the first to make any kind of contact.