Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

How do I make my husband realize that I am serious when I tell him that I am lonely?

My husband has always wanted to be a long distance trucker. While our children were growing up he had a job where he was home every night and was there for me and the kids despite the fact he wasn't very happy at it. When the last of our kids left home, he up and quit his job and got his trucking license and got a job with a company. It wasn't so bad at first. He got to be home like on the weekends but now with the economy like it is he finds that he travels more and more and now is only home like one weekend a month.

He also talked me into buying a much bigger home when he got the trucking job.

He is very happy in his new job and he loves our house. But I find that he really isn't that concerned over how happy I am. We have been married for a long time and I also gave up things for our life too.

I have suggested that we scale down the house... go find one that is less expensive to have and much smaller. He won't even listen to me. PLus I have told him over and over just how lonely I am for him and he just ignores me... pats me on the head and says that I need to get use to the situation is all.

I don't even feel married any more. I love him but I wonder if our marriage exists anywhere but on paper. What do you think?

Update:

DianeP... I DO NOT want this house. Period!!!!! But just like the trucking thing, it was something That HE had to have. I hate it... I am stuck mowing a HUGE yard and taking care of this place. NO we can't afford hiring someone else to do it...Plus it is in an area where it isn't safe... I GO to bed with a loaded GUN!!!!

Go back to school??? Do you have any idea what that costs?? I spend every dime that comes in on this place that HE had to have.

And I actully LIKE sex and frankly doing it two days a month ISN't Enough!!!!! What do you suggest I do about that??????????????????

Update 2:

Diane... so you are a religious person.. that explains the attitude you have about marriage and letting a man tromp all over YOUR needs. That is why you would put up with a man not giving a S#$%t about you but frankly I have more self esteem than that.

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Can you go with him? at least he was there while the kids were growing up, out of love and devotion to fatherhood.

    My husband comes home 2 x a year, its he who wants this house.

    I like it too but I'd rather have my husband around.

    Try this, start looking for another home when you find it tell him you are moving, watch his reaction.

    They want to feel they are accomplishing something but it's us wives who pay the price.

  • 1 decade ago

    It is very difficult having a husband away, im sure. My fiance is in the Air Force. But you just need to do special things with your husband when he can come home. Let him know that he is more important than material possesions. Stress the issue that you need more alone time with him, and you really need him around you. But you also need to realize that he is doing something he loves. Maybe you two can talk about cutting his hours a little bit to be home more often. Your kids are out of the house, and you do need your husband. Sit him down when he comes home and explain everything to him. If he loves you, im so sure he will understand. I hope this helps, good luck hun!

  • 1 decade ago

    i see alot of long distanc etruckers in my line of work but i am not one myself. Your right they are on the road alot.

    He obviously is doing something he wants to do or has wanted to do for a long time. You know some truckers, on occasion take their wives with them on long hauls if your up for the travel. It might be an experience for you.

    Another option is for you to do what your husband is doing, By no means am i saying for you to become a truckie lol. But what i am saying is he wanted to do something and he is doing it. Maybe this is a matter of you wanted a goal or hobby that u want to achieve thus keeping your mind occupied from being alone.

    If its the companionship u miss rather than the boredom trying him to make him stop would not be an easy thing to do if thats not what he wants.

    You could try and convince him to do less trips but in turn that means less money. You need to talk to him more to figure out what each other really wants to do.

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you are the only one putting in much effort in this marriage. I would sit him down and ask him why he wants to do the trucking...if it is worth him being gone and missing out on his family's lives and his marriage. You need to let him know you are serious and truthfully with his lack of respect towards you I am not sure how you can do it.

    Perhaps you should just leave this question open on the computer screen. Perhaps if he knows you are asking others for help, he will realize how sad and lonely you are.

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  • I know what you are going through......this is what I can suggest.

    Part of the problem is that you are "blaming" your loneliness on your husband's absence. That is not his fault. You are also suffering from "empty nest syndrome". Your children are grown and have their own lives. That is not your husband's fault. He didn't put a gun to your head and make you agree to a bigger house. You must have wanted it too.....if you are honest with yourself.

    The key to survival is: Go to college......take some classes......pick up a hobby.......GO WITH YOUR HUSBAND on some of his hauls. I did and it was fun. I also went to college and got a degree in nursing and am an RN in Neuro-trauma ICU. I can pick and choose my hours and make great money. I am my own person. I learned to make my life what it is. I found myself and I learned to love myself based on me, not on my children (I have 4 grown children) or on my late husband (when he was alive....he died last June).

    Your in an identity crisis on top of everything else.......Your original Identity was as a wife and mother.......were you, ever, anything to yourself? Find you again.......and your marriage will change and become even better once you do. You will learn to strengthen yourself and become the woman God created in you. I did it and it was an awesome moment when I realized who I am. And NO ONE can ever take that away from me.

    If I can do it........so can you

    Edit/Add: It appears that you have so much anger that no matter what anyone suggests, you are seeming to find an "excuse" to not better your life. I empathize with you.....I do not feel sorry for you. I do know what it costs to go to college and take classes......but no matter the excuse for not going.....there are many programs that will actually "pay" you to better yourself and your life. Your life is what YOU make it. It is not up to your husband to make your life what it is. God gave you a brain.....use it. If it were all your husband's fault......than he would have to stand with you when you face God in the afterlife......but no.....you alone....will have to answer to God....as we all will have to someday. The thing is....what will you tell God....."the devil made me NOT do it." I was just trying to help you from the question you posted. If you really didn't want help......than ???? But don't be angry at us here on Y/A for trying to help. No one here is a whipping post and we should all be treated with respect....considering we are trying to help others.......maybe you should think about doing the same thing with your life. I am not trying to be harsh, I am only trying to help. It may not be what you want to hear......but if you want pity......I can not give it to you considering how many people out there do not have the blessings you seem to have. I know many people who would love to have your home.....and your freedom to better their lives and to have the chance to touch someone else's life for the better. I guess I am just not that selfish. Nor am I a martyr. I am thankful for what God has blessed me with.....it may not seem like a lot to some......but it is everything to me.

    Source(s): RN & abnormal psych major
  • 1 decade ago

    It is very sad that your husband doesn't miss you a lot. I would NOT want to be away from my wife that much. For lots of reasons. I love her company, her humor her touch - oh - and our sex life - I would die of sexual frustration if I was only home one weekend a month.

  • 1 decade ago

    options:

    1) get a commercial drivers license and go on the road with him.

    2) just go non the road with him.

    3) rent your extra rooms to some foreign students, then you will have company

  • 1 decade ago

    i understand u completely i do not know why they think that once u get married they do not have to make effort anymore i had more fun when we were just going together than i do now that we are married everything starts to slow or either stop. with them.

  • 1 decade ago

    :/

    make the best of times when you are together, support him...

    lonelyness is a personal problem. you have your kids... don't drag him down.

    :s

    Source(s): i know its not what you want to hear
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