Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

im breaking down over my past?

i recently decided a couple minutes ago to throw away a lot of clothes i held onto for sentimental values because i thought if i wanted to move on as a person, i have to get rid of things that remind me of my past. i used to be very sentimental but cuz i was depressed. i covered up a lot, held on to a lot, had no social life, sweated every second of the day, and absolutely hated everything about myself. im finally clean with a clear mind, no sweating, matured a lot, and got a lot stronger but its ridiculous when i packed all the clothes away i was brought back to my old self and i feel like really depressed and sweating. How can i forget this happened and move on so that i dont feel like ive lost alll the important changes ive made to myself?

2 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
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    Throwing things away in an acute psychological state is not going to be very convincing to your state of mind. in other words, If you throw things away that you associate with being very emotional, how are you going to convince yourself that you are past being emotional? It could be your emotional state acting in frustration instead of depression and lethargy, which is really like putting a new sheet on top of an old one. The bed looks different but it isn't really.

    Also, responding emotionally to emotional states reinforces those emotional states. If you think about it, the depression (an emotional state) ruled your life before that moment so that another emotional state (frustration, rage, impatience, which are really branches of the root emotional state) is ruling your actions now.

    That means you can't feel good about what you are doing until you know that it is really you doing it.

    Lets phrase this in the form of a simple metaphor. Child has magic banky. Magic banky helps child deal with their emotional insecurities and gives them the courage to go about their daily living. However, child is confused because what happens if magic banky goes away. Child realizes they have to learn to live without magic banky but not sure when. Child then gets a brilliant idea to get rid of magic banky in peak emotional moment. But what gave the child the peak emotional moment? It wasn't the realization that the child no longer needed the banky, it was the fear of being too attached to the banky and being left alone without it. It was, in fact, the insecurity masking as reason (very bad reasoning, as it turns out) that triggered the emotional state.

    The child now has no more magic banky but still has emotional vulnerability. The child is, in fact, worse off than before since it has made itself even more open and exposed to that feeling of vulnerability than if it had simply held onto the blanket. What's the child going to depend on now for emotional support? Cue the crying.

    As a rule, never get rid of things in a peak emotional state. When it doubt, hang onto it. People gain emotional security at different levels and in different time periods. Think of it as a grieving period. You don't try to 'force' yourself to get over someone being dead and you don't force yourself to try and get past the person you used to be. In either case, you'll suffer more in the long run for it and you'll grieve longer. People fight to get out of their depression instead of fighting to acknowledge it. But fighting to ignore only makes those feelings linger, because they aren't being addressed and acknowledged.

    A simple test to determine if something being acknowledged is this: when a problem is being acknowledged, it changes, usually for the better. If I have a headache, taking aspirin changes the problem. If watching movies makes me sad, I stop watching them (unless I like being sad, then I watch a whole bunch of them and cry through all of them, whcih makes me feel happy afterrwards.)

    In the case of depression, sometimes making positive changes doesn't affect the person because they are only at the surface of the problem. You might be depressed when you make an appointment with a professional because you and your depression don't know if it will change anything (lots of bad helpers out there, sorry to say.) Its not until the professional you go see starts to scratch at the surface of the depression that you will notice it change and notice the path of that change. Obviously, doing this by yourself isn't helping because you are reaching out for answers. The fact that you are reaching out is, in fact, a measure of that change you may not be aware of.

    The statement "I am breaking down" is what your depressive state has been dying for you to say. Its saying "THANK YOU. Somebody is finally listening to what I've been saying." That's change. Change is good.

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you've come a long way. The difficulties you've faced in the past made you the stronger, more well-adjusted person you are today. Don't worry about a temporary setback and don't try to forget it either. Just acknowledge it and use the skills you've acquired to get over it. It's just another opportunity for personal improvement.

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