No interested in sex after baby......?

I love my husband more than ever, but since I've had a baby (and it's been 18 mos) I am very rarely interested in sex. My husband thinks I am not interested in him anymore, but that's not it.....I am just not interested in sex! Has anyone else gone through this? How do you get in the mood? I work 40+ hours a week, raise our daughter and try and keep up with housework....I just can't seem to get in the mood for anything else!


Thank you for all of the answers. I understand that I have a lot going on in my life, however, I'm in the military so cutting back on work hours isn't an option for me.

I know we need to do date night more often, I just feel guilty leaving our daughter at a sitter when she's at daycare so much during the week!

It's nice to know I'm not the only one that has this problem. After reading all the comments, I think I might set up a mini-vacation for us to go on. As much as sending the little one away and spending a night at home sounds enticing, I think I would still be distracted with all of this dang housework that piles up!

11 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    with that much to do, I'm surprised you'd have time to even sleep!!!

    It's very normal to feel that way. You've got a really really really busy schedule between the child and 40+ hours of work. I do not envy you at all!!! I'm worried enough about how to keep the house going when I have my baby, and i don't even work right now!!!

    you may need some alone time, with your hubby, and by yourself. I'd give yourself a day off first, go someplace you like, or for a walk, or something, without the baby, and try not to think about the stuff you have to do when you get back home. Go out ot dinner with the girls if need be.

    You'll also need some alone time with the hubby, which I'm sure you're not getting. try to make it something outside the house, away from the toys and mess that reminds you of chores. Heck, get a babysitter for a few hours, and rent a nice hotel room, use their pool and hottub to relax in, then cuddle on their bed (which you don't have to make and wash!!) and see if that lightens the mood a bit.

    Or, if you can't afford it, send the kid to the sitter for an evening, then you and your hubby can cuddle up in bed, and take turns giving each other masages, back rubs, foot rubs. Relieve some of that stress that you hold in your muscles. Get him relaxed, then have him do the same to you.

    But, yes, very normal, considering how busy you are. I would be exhausted if I were in your shoes. I would have collapsed a long time ago, so don't put yourself through more grief over it.

    Source(s): 20 weeks preggo, no mood for sex under the stress of being unemployed and pregnant and worried all the time
  • 5 years ago

    Patience!!! You had a massive hormonal change to your body for nine months. The body is not intended to get pregnant again until the current baby is just about two. So, your hormones change to keep you from getting pregnant again. (not that you cannot), but your body just keeps you from being interested. Part of it is because you are tired, even if you were a deep sleeper before you got pregnant, you now even hear when the baby's breathing pattern changes. You are more sensitive to certain sounds and smells now. Even if you don't remember it, you probably wake up several times a night. During that nine months of pregnancy, the baby takes a lot out of you. And will do so to your own body's need's detriment. Just because you lost your baby weight does not mean the body is back to normal. As the child gets older, your natural sexual urges will return. There is a natural order and reason for everything. Right now are the "maternal years". A little faith and patience and all will right itself at the proper time.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You need some time off lady!

    Being stressed (you may not even know you are and still be stressed)

    Dealing with work and raising a child and taking care of household chores is a heafty load to be dealing with.


    Stress can decrease your sex drive and make you not in the mood and just turn you off from sex all together.

    I'd say take a night off for you and your hubby get a nice dinner maybe see a new movie or rent one.

    Then go from there.

    You two could use some time alone together

  • jenk
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Don't worry that's normal but you really need to sacrifice a little and give it to your husband or he'll have to get it from somewhere else. Once you have children, sex becomes almost like a chore though you really must find the time for intimacy with your husband so he can continue to feel important and special. You really should try and find a babysitter or a family member to babysit like every other weekend and make it a date night. Not only will bring you closer to each other but it will give you both something fun and exciting to look forward to at the end of the week.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's normal. Being a mommy can be exhausting, so sex could easily be the last thing on your mind. Don't feel guilty about it though. Most people go through a dry spell at some point in their marriage. Probably when (or if) things settle down and you can relax a little, you'll get the mood back.

  • 1 decade ago

    My biggest problem with sex after our daughter was being terrified of getting pregnant again, even on birth control. I've slowly gotten over that, but I can't imagine having to do all that you are doing and still have energy for sex. If he wants sex bad enough, have him clean the whole house, the day before your day off and then hire a babysitter for that evening, or drop your baby off at the grandparents for a few hours if you can. Then have a date night!

  • 1 decade ago

    A lot of people go through this. what you need to do is have a night out with just you and him, get to know each other again and relax. Take you daughter to a baby sitters house and have them keep her overnight, so you can get relaxed enough to enjoy yourselves and get caught up in the moment.

  • 1 decade ago

    You really should try to make some time for 'it'.

    I know you've told your husband that it's not him, but men don't understand that. At some point you'll probably get some time to spend with him. One night, ask him for a back rub and see where that leads.

  • 1 decade ago

    same here, our baby is 17 months and I'm not in the mood at all

    i'm feeling the same things you are, working, housework, taking care of baby...too tired and stressed to worry w/ that

    so i think you and i must not be alone

  • Siege
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I think you are just too tired. Maybe it would help to hire a maid once a week? Or take some time off work?

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