Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

I am afraid he can't take it anymore...?

My Fiancee and I have been together for 8-9 years, He has always been the jealous type but I never go anywhere or do anything. Not only because of him but I myself have very bad social skills, and get nervous and shaky around other people. I have alot of mental baggage that has boiled to the surface in the 2 years, because of what happened to me when I desided to take a break from the live together thing, I moved out for only 2-4 weeks it wasn't even a full month about 2 years ago next Feb. and While I was tring to get help then and was talking to an accquantance of my mothers who said he was a counsulor for runnaways and such and had contacts to help me get on feet (so he said) he asked me to meet him at his house and because my mother knew him I really didn't question it plus my grief level was sky high, so I wasnt thinking. He took complete advantage of me I left there with rug burns and bruises around my wrists and knuckles. I had never worked though it when I was raped when I was 9 and now I didn't know what to do. I was afaird of what everyone whould say cause I felt so stupid that I took the bait (so to say) and was hurt very badly mentally and physically.

Why I left in the 1st place was because I wanted to be on my own for once, and when he didn't like that Idea he kept me from doing it and now I don't want to be on my own anymore but I don't know what to do.

Cause when I came back he found some E-mails I had written to my X, I had only wrote those out of anger when his jealousy whould rear its head but I never betrayed our love NEVER, ofcourse he doesnt believe me, and for the 1st 1.5 years after I came back it has been about his pain because of the letters and how he feels about me being raped in that entire time I was never asked if I am okay and when exactly one year had past and I felt he might be ready to help me work though my pain and hurt from what happened to me, but he just yelled and screamed at me for telling him (when he asked why I have so much anger inside me) that I blamed Him for makeing me bottle all this up for a year and so he made me feel like a piece a s**t, again, so I bottled it back up for another 6 months, till just a few weeks ago and now he finnally see's how bad this is affecting me and seems to want to help at times but others all he can do is keep telling me how bad I hurt him with the letters over a year ago, along with this I have to deside when to tell my father I was raped and molested for over 6 months long when I was 9 years old ( I am 27 now almost 28), Not to mention because I was left alone al the time as a child Not only did I get abused but no one told me the importance of hygine and now I have to get dentures at my age. And now on top of it all my Fiancee's ddaughter who I have treated as my own since she was 6 ( now 13) and I have taken her on 400$ shopping sprees and taught her things a girl should know when her mother was being nothing more then a drunken waist, has been treating me like crap, and my mother and father both read my journals as a kid ( my father even corrected it and called me names in a big red pen) Her journal was laying right in the middle of the floor ( after I had told her to keep it hidden and told her what my folks did) she had been treating me so baddly I wanted to see if she felt anything for me, because I have only seen judgment in her eyes, and yes I read it and everything she wrote about me was cruel and mean she had logged outting with her mother and father and her sister and grandmothers and even my mother but not one thing that I have ever done for her had been logged in all the years, and ofcourse I know it was wrong but with the way I was raised I just couldn't have done it differantly, someone out there knows what I mean, I have been here to help them both my fiancee coming to terms with his disablity my step daughter with her mother when every motherday she would be dropped off in the wee hours of the morn and cryed her eyes out. but know it seems to me only the wrong things I do are pointed out and I feel as if I just can't do anything right anymore, I have put so much energy into showing both of them that I love and care for them and I feel as if I am the only one, I found the journal yesterday and after talking about it a lil with him he took a nap and woke up and asked if he could go and ride his bike he didn't kiss be goodbye or tell me he loves me, I am afraid I am going to loose everything we just had a baby he is 6 months old now and he is the only thing that makes me smile anymore and I want to be better now for him to grow and be nutured properly. please help


I want to work this all out I am not the type to just give up

Update 2:

I may have forgot to mention his disablity he is a wonderful man he was ran over by a cement truck while crossing the street and suffered sever head trama, its not that he is uncaring its that he can't contral what he says (I have been with him the whole time, the doctors they told me this) he often forgets whats he was doing. So please don't judge him right off he got traped under that thing from the left leg and it roled over his entire leg and to the waist, he has been able to walk again only a year after this happened but still has alot of promblems ofcourse

Update 3:

thank you all though

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    All of that sounds bad. Sorry for you going through all of that.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think a great place to start would be some anti-anxiety medication. Prozac, for example, helps with both depression and anxiety, and I think you'd be amazed at all the ways it can improve your life, your confidence, and your ability to do things for yourself.

    I'm going to read your answer more thoroughly now and reply more fully... :) Edit: Okay, I answered it... and I apologize, I sort of ramble on a bit, it's not nearly as helpful and well laid-out as I'd hoped, but I hope it helps.

    Ok. It also sounds like you need a LOT of therapy, and like your fiance is not the right person for you being super jealous and less caring than he should be.

    You need to address the fact that you were raped as a nine year old, and again as an adult. It's a very serious part of your life that is going to have power over you until you face it head on. What happened to you was not your fault at either age (trusting someone doesn't give them the right to force themselves on you, nor does it make it in any way your fault).

    I think your fiance might need therapy too.

    However, just because you've been with him that long does not mean you should necessarily try your hardest to keep it together no matter what; in fact, I believe half your trouble may be the dysfunctional relationship you are in, given that you say he both makes you feel like a piece of ****, lowers your self esteem, and doesn't care deeply enough (if at all) about your feelings of vulnerability and depression.

    As for his daughter, I imagine that's something she'll grow out of, but she's going through a stage at the moment... either testing limits, or perhaps emulating her father's less-than-optimal behavior. Or perhaps she has things going on in her life that are difficult as well. You might sit down and talk with her, especially if you care about her as your own daughter. Breaking ties with your fiance doesn't mean you have to break ties with his daughter too.

    I think you should seriously think about therapy and medication, and decide whether or not the relationship you're in is healthy and nurturing. Is it fostering good feelings, do you feel safe, loved, wanted and cared for?

    Or do you feel as alienated and vulnerable as you appear from reading this?

    Even though he doesn't exactly sound like a monster (that would be a gross exaggeration, and not what I'm implying), the simple fact that you've been through things that would be enough to turn anyone into an emotional wreck means you probably need someone more attuned to your feelings and worries.

    Things don't have to change all at once; you can seek help, talk things through in therapy, see if medication helps, and see what doors seem to open up for you when you get things like that off of your chest and off of your mind.

    Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, where do I even start with all this. 8-9 years and the guy hasn't married you yet ?? And now a baby in the mix ?? where is the commitment in this relationship ? Why do you allow yourself to be used this way. And controlled by this guy. What a mess. Yes, you all need counseling, I suggest going to a church and getting free counseling, both together and separately. You need to find your self esteem. You need to press charges against that man who raped you and get therapy for what you went through as a child so you can function as an adult. You are letting this so called fiancee use you as well and need to get out of that mindset so you can have a happy and productive life that you choose. YOU need to learn the skills to stop being a doormat.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    You answered the Q in the Q. People are afraid to get hurt. Some people have a real hard time dealing with that so they don't do anything.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i am used used to reading lengthy documents, but this is too long for a board. Get some therapy from a professional who is not your mother's friend and work through this. Good luck!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Go to counseling

    Take care

  • 1 decade ago

    Every thing has a way of working out,good or bad it will be ok!

  • 1 decade ago


    Nobody has the time to read this much information.

    But good luck to you anyways.

  • Veni
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago


Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.