Chia Chia asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

請幫我批改英文作文

Breaking a Bad Habit

In my opinion, the most pleasurable thing in the world is enjoying food. Being able to obtain and enjoying the savory food which smells and appearances allure me is cheerful; therefore, I used to buy appealing food right away without hesitation. Though seems extravagant, this arbitrary indeed brought me a pleasurable time.

Nevertheless, on the other side of satisfying diet, my slim figure had changed and my monthly allowance was used up every month. I suffered a lot because the fat shape not only took away my confidence but made me dislike going out or meeting old friends. I extremely regretted not to have control my desire for delicacies.

After experiencing those sufferings, now I finally realize the proverb that enough is as good as a feast. I determined to break the bad habit and learn self-discipline. Action speaks louder than word. First, I need to set a goal of losing weight which can restrain me from keep eating. Second, when I see the delicacies sold by the vendors, I should ask myself “Am I really hungry?” or “What does there already have in my kitchen?” By doing so, I convince I could say “No” to those alluring food resolutely.

除了文法錯誤之外,希望英文高手能給我一些寫作更好的建議。比方說哪一個句子要怎麼改寫會更好...

我對於自己的文法比較有信心,不過很容易忽略寫作其他的重點像是組織、段落、說服力等。所以不能夠拿高分,滿憤慨的!

希望專家能給我指點! 謝謝 ^___^

Update:

文章第四行abitrary後面要加 habit

漏掉了

謝謝!!

1 Answer

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Key:

    Grammar errors

    Style suggestions

    In my opinion, The most pleasurable thing in the world is enjoying food. Being able to obtain and enjoy the savory food, the smells and appearances of which allure me, is cheerful; therefore, I used to buy appealing food right away without hesitation. Though it seems extravagant, this arbitrary habit indeed brought me a pleasurable time.

    However, by satisfying my diet, I have become heavy, and my monthly allowance was used up every month. I suffered a lot because being fat not only took away my confidence but made me dislike going out or meeting old friends. I extremely regretted not having control of my desire for delicacies.

    After experiencing those sufferings, now I finally understood the proverb that "enough is as good as a feast." I'm determined to break the bad habit and learn self-discipline. Actions speak louder than words. First, I need to set a goal of losing weight which can keep me from eating uncontrollably. Second, when I see the delicacies sold by the vendors, I should ask myself "Am I really hungry?" or "What is already in my kitchen?" By doing so, I'm convinced that I could say no to those alluring food resolutely.

    Advices:

    -Be concise in your sentences; don't get wordy.

    (x)It appears that my teachers, parents, and friends have unspeakable opinions about the neatness of my room.

    (o)My room is dirty.

    (The above example is an exaggeration; you should write just enough to make your point clear)

    -Avoid using jargons, or complex vocabularies.

    (x)We can utilize this tool.

    (o)We can use this tool.

    -Don't be redundant over and over again.

    -Avoid needless self-reference, such as "In my opinion...", "I think that...", "I doubt...", etc.

    -Avoid weak openings.

    (x)There are several reasons why he excels in English.

    (o)He excels in English for several reasons.

    -Avoid vague language.

    (x)She is very smart.

    (o)She has a master's degree in anthropology.

    2009-07-22 20:41:44 補充:

    "... when I see the delicacies sold by the vendors..."

    --> "... when I see the delicacies sold by vendors..."

    2009-07-22 20:43:09 補充:

    "I could say no to..."

    --> "I can say no to..."

    這裡不需要表示謙虛。

    2009-07-22 20:44:23 補充:

    "I should ask myself:"

    加冒號。

    Source(s): 在美留學7+年經驗,Kaplan's SAT Writing Workbook
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