Of course you can get her to stop.
As an employee you have rights. And one of those rights is for your employer to provide you with a work environment free of harassment. And what you are being subjected to by this woman constitutes harassment. She is repeatedly insulting you and doing so under the guise of trying to help you improve your appearance. Harassment problems in the work environment are not just sexual -- where a man makes inappropriate comments, and later claims that he was complimenting you and thought you appreciated it. Plain and simple, your situation is one where a woman is insulting you, and you have taken the position of not being confrontational with her, possibly because you fear doing so would ruin your work relationship in the sense that she would retaliate by not being cooperative in work projects involving you, and thereby hurt not only you but also the company who employs her.
Here is how you fix it. First, you don't owe her anything. You don't have to make an effort to resolve the problem between yourselves without involving management. You need to write a letter to management, and your letter needs to spell it out, and include the fact that you are not her only victim -- that she is spreading her evil to include other victims in varying degrees, but that you are probably her primary target.
You can send this letter to your immediate manager, if you have one, or to the personnel manager in the human resources (HR) department of the company you work for. You will most likely be asked to have a private meeting with either your manager, or the HR manager depending on how things work at your place of employment. They will most likely have meetings with your other co-workers too. Your name and the name of the offender will most likely not be brought up. They'll just want to know whether they are happy at work, and whether anyone is harassing them in terms of being insulting to them. And after the investigation is completed, if you end up being the only one who has something to complain about, that's OK. You were still harassed, and it needs to stop. If they make light of it, you need to contact the Labor Board and complain there. Keep a record of everything that happens to you. Write it down including time and date. It's important. And the government (Labor Board) won't back off. Your employer will have to make things right for you. Once the Labor Board gets involved, it's not going to be something that is just swept under the rug by the company.
EDIT: Reading my friend mikskali's response to you has broadened my thinking on this, so let me share with you that if you feel stronger telling your story rather than writing about it, then you should go with telling it. Just request a private meeting with your immediate manager to discuss your issue. Well, do that if you feel comfortable with that. If, for example, you suspect he's sleeping with the offender, then either ask if he wouldn't mind inviting the HR manager to be in attendance as a witness to what you want to share with him, or bypass him altogether and go directly to the HR manager. I'm sure things will go well for you. And it's OK to reveal that you don't wish the offender any harm, and that you think that she has some otherwise admirable qualities. You are just hoping that she can be given counsel to curb her abraisive remarks toward you and other employees.
· 1 decade ago