My husband doesn't respect my wishes.?

My husband still wants to talk to his ex girlfriend. He confessed his love to her 10 days after we got married and after confronting him he told me it was true, that he still loved her but was growing out of it because having our son made him realize how much he loved his family. However, after months and months of on and off talking to his ex, and me finding out and confronting him again and again while he says he will stop talking to her if I was that badly hurt about it, he tells me she is his best friend and can tell her anything and will always want to talk to her. I suggested a separation if he wouldn't stop talking to her, to respect my wishes. I know he still talks to her and still wants to regardless of how heartbroken I am though I also know he loves me as the mother of his son. Should I leave for a while to see how things play out? I'm thinking he possibly thinks I'd never leave is the reason why he doesn't stop. Even if he does stop talking to her, I know he'll always want to and will always love her. It's complicated having a one year old son in between all this, which is one of the main reasons, besides love, that I won't leave abruptly. We've been married for almost two years now. Our last argument and "separation threat" was about a week ago.

17 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He doesn't take you seriously because you've proven that you're not going anywhere. Stop threatening him. If you're going to leave, then leave. If not, stay and be unhappy because it's obvious that he is still in love with this other woman. So much so that your happiness means nothing to him, especially if it means he can't talk to her anymore. So deal with it or leave. Me personally, I couldn't be with someone that wanted to be with someone else more than me.

    Good luck honey. I know it's hard especially because there is a baby involved. But ultimately, you have to do what's best for you and your son.

  • 1 decade ago

    You may be right, he loves you as the mother of your son. But he may be in love with his ex. If you didn't have your son, would he still be with you? That might be a question you need to ask yourself. If the only reason he's still with you is because he feels obligated, you've drawn the short straw. Do you ever feel like a consolation prize, or if he had a choice he'd be with her? It depends on what you need from a man in your life. If you want a man to have only you in his heart, you seem to have the wrong man. Hope this helps...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Gee, how do you advise someone with a one year old to leave her husband and feel good about it? But honestly, I think it is a matter of time before he cheats on you - actually I'd say this constitutes as cheating on an emotional level.

    Ask him to back up and move out. Tell him he needs to make a decision that YOU are his best friend. Why would you let him have it both ways?

  • Janda
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Wow. I could understand them being friends. But since he confessed his love to her after you got married, that changes the whole ball of wax. He may love you as the mother of his son, as you say, but it certainly doesn't seem that he loves you as his wife. Sorry to be blunt, but if it was me, the first thing I would do is ask myself "If I gave him an ultimatum, would I be prepared for either answer?" After that, if I felt I could go thru with it, I'd give him this ultimatum: it's me... or her. If he chose her, I'd leave (or toss him out!) and if he said he couldn't choose, I'd choose for him! Good luck.

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  • Why would you settle for being "settled for"?

    How sad. You should have enough self respect and leave with a remnant of your dignity. Or you could wait until he finally leaves you for his, obvious, not yet ex. At least she isn't in his heart. Why would you ever want to be second place to an ex? If you have children.....God help both of you. What a sad example of a marriage this would set for them. If you had a daughter, what would you say to her about this?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If they really are good friends you ARE asking for a lot.

    You are making him terminate his friendship to make yourself feel better.

    That is not loving.

    I'm sorry, real life is not one-true-love that is why marriage is a commitment.

    You are creating an emotionally hostile environment which is driving him further towards her not away.

    You should discuss boundaries with him but you need to reign in your emotions first. He should not meet with her one on one and you should feel free to read any of their correspondence. No secrets.

    He should make an effort to make you feel more secure.

    You *need* to make an effort to be his friend.

    I know you look at this and think he's failing you, but looking in I *know* you are failing him.

    Like you said, he has to /want/ to come to you not just do so to appease you.

    If you "make him" end this friendship you are ending your marriage.

    He will not get over the resentment it will cause.

    A good friend of mine from HS stopped talking to me years ago at the insistence of her college boyfriend. She hates him to this day for it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Maybe you aren't respecting his wishes. Ok, so maybe this girl is his ex. So what? If he wants to talk to her, he can. I'm sure you have guy friends that you talk to (if you don't, get some. sometimes, they are wayy better than girl friends). Just leave him alone and let him talk to who he wants. You can't tell him who he can and can't be friends with.

  • 1 decade ago

    "You should back off. He's not your slave. He's allowed to have friends. It's not like he's planning on cheating you." - Words from my father.

    He did the same thing to my mom.

    Ended up cheating on her.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Every body needs a best friend. But once you are married, its never going to work to have an ex-lover as that person. tell him, to get on with finding a new best friend, that can replace this old one, so she can slowly fade from your life and his fantasies. And just a hint, that new BFF should either be a guy, or a very unattractive woman.

  • i think if i were in your situation i would leave for a while. but just know that in most cases if you leave he will have MORE talking to do with his "best friend". she will of course agree with him and who knows what will happen. not saying he would go cheat with her but if hes already talking to her now, if you leave he will do more talking and his ex will be the one to comfort him.

    BUTTTTT he does need to see you are being serious. try talking to him and explaining it to him. how would he feel if you constantly talked to your ex? i'm sure he wouldnt like it.

    if he still loves her then theres really not much you can do and it is HIS loss, not yours. you deserve better.

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