Doesn't he love me anymore?
i don't know my husband anymore. We have been married for almost 9 years and have an 8 year old daughter and until now we are in the same argumentative situation. He always tells me that he loves me very much but i notice that he never listens and he always blames me for everything. When he's tired, he seems to be irritable and he complains on what he sees around him. I used to argue before about it and i always ended up crying in the end..begging him to stop and be calm. A lot of people even his family are aware of his irate personality and even his physical appearance can attribute to that. I have discussed this with him and he always mentioned about changing. However, as years passed by i noticed that his personality is getting worst. He shouts at me when he's mad, throws insulting words, nags me in front of people and he even tells me that if i can't stand him anymore, i should bring our daughter and go back to my parents. This really hurts me. He's not the man that have loved and married anymore. There are times that he's very loving and caring when he's not irritable so i just do my best to understand him and have patience and he would say sorry about what he said. He would say like" i was just really tired and angry but i didn't mean what i said"..you know, i love him so much but i feel so tired of everything now. It seems that i have no freedom to voice out my opinion or feelings when i feel hurt because every time i do that he would say like" for how many hours are you going to talk/" oh my GOd, i only talk when i feel really bad . When i see that he's mad, i usually would distance myself at him and do other things. Then after that he would cool down and say sorry. However, i'm just human and i feel like a trash, a used wife...what i mean is..i'm only good for him when he's okay but if not----he treats me like he doesn't respect me at all. We both work for our family. Its just natural that we face a lot of problems too. But as a woman, mother and wife....if i feel stressed out or burdened with our situation, i wouldn't dare let go of my steam towards them. I would just sit and listen to music and think deeply on what to do next. We are really different. We got married when we were 20 years old. Yes, we have finished our education by that time and now we are both at the peak of our careers. Sometimes, i just want to go and work in a far place and just go home like every week.. I noticed that if i'm usually away from home, everything seems to be alright but if we are always together..he nags me all the time. what should i do? does he really love me? oftentimes, if he' s really angry he would say that i'm better off without him and that i should leave him..can you help me please? we are both 29 years old and looks very young....
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
He obviously doesn't respect you and over time this has started you feeling disrespect for your self. The next time he tells you to go home to your mother, leave him and let him see that you have boundaries and he just crossed the line. The only way he will stop treating you as his punching bag is when you stop allowing it. You have a right to your opinion and no one has the right to take that a way from you. Stop walking on egg shells around him, take the attitude that his anger is his problem. Don't let his anger and bad attitude scare you from being who you are. It is his problem. What is the worse that can happen, him leave you, sounds like you would be better off. If he threatens to hit you or hurt you physically call the police. When you stand up for yourself and respect yourself he will start to respect you. He is emotionally blackmailing you and manipulating you into being at his control. The way to stop it is to not give him power by being hurt by the things he says but take them with a grain of salt. The only way to beat a bully is to stand your ground.
- pictureshygirlLv 71 decade ago
There is a saying "People do what works" and you should really see this as a factor in how your husband is treating you. Your husband has come to learn that he gets attention for his bad behaviour. Just as a child learns to get attention from his parents whenever he misbehaves your husband is doing the same thing. Stop tip toeing around him and trying to be the peace maker. He is responsible for his behaviour and he alone should be held accountable. By you crying and pleading to him only escalates his behaviour. So far you are doing all the wrong things, so your answer is to stop doing them. You need to stand up for yourself and let your husband know that you will no longer tolerate being treated badly. You do this without threats, tears or nagging . You simply make a statement with action. This means you need to start now in setting a plan of action for the next time he misbehaves. You start by telling him that the next time his treats you bad will be the last time and you follow through by leaving and you say nothing more. In time he will re-gain respect for you and will see by your actions that you are serious. This is not easy to do as he has become used to getting his way. It is crucial that he sees that you mean what you say and that you will no longer accept excuses for his bad behaviour. Take him back only when he is at the point of remorse and is willing to do what it takes to change. Good luck to you!
- NicolaLv 41 decade ago
It sounds like he is suffering from depressing and needs professional help with his anger issues other things that he seemed not to be able to talk about. When be vent the way he is doing, there is something feeding it and he's not talking about it. Maybe he isn't happy with himself, the way life is for him isn't what he'd thought it to be. Do you guys work for your parents? Maybe he needs to go off on his own and find work somewhere else. You should encourage him to seek help. If not, you will need to make up in your mind what is best for you and your child. Your child is being raised in a healthy environment sad to say....children act out what they see and hear and before you know it, you will start having problems with your little one respecting you, etc. They will say, "that's what dad told you," and it goes on and on so your family needs to be healed right away. It seems he can't talk to you without cutting into you and your soul and mind can only stand be so much. Stop taking in his negative emotions and stand out of the rain with him....but get you guys to a professional or go to a church counselor for help along with prayer.
- JABA D HOTLv 41 decade ago
Sorry to hear that. This must be very hard for you. But you have to face the truth. If he'll be miserable the rest of your marriage then it won't work. He's acting like that because he has found somebody else, if you say you're not doing anything and he's like that, there is a possibility. I'm just guessing here ok? Because i was like this 8 years ago with my ex wife. I'm ashamed of what happened but everything happens for reason right? If you were not meant to be why force it? Our lives are short, let's not waste it. Everybody deserves to be happy.
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- 1 decade ago
I still think he loves you very much. He feels sorry that he's always in a bad mood and always getting mad. He's probably saying that you should leave him because he doesn't want to cause you anymore trouble. You to should go to dinner one night, explain how you feel and make up. Tell him that if he has any problems, just feel free to tell you. Maybe he is undergoing stress. Sit down and have a talk and he shouldn't throw as many tantrums. If you don't, it can get worse and you may get more frustrated. I can see you love him very much, so give it a try. Good luck to both of you, may i wish you stay together.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
He needs counseling, anger management too. Sounds like he is on a power wheel of emotional abuse toward you. He is holding onto or addicted to his own anger and stuck in a rut.
Apparently he has a bunch of insecurities inside that he can not reach the truth about yet. If he is telling you that your better off without him, he is feeling bad about himself.
He only uses you when he is in a good mood? Maybe that is the only time he feels good enough for u ?
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Is he jealous about you?
just ignore him and tell him that you dont like the way he treats you.
do you stay only three of you?
if he loves ur daughter, just tell him that she is also scared about his behaaviour.
i do understand being a wife, a mother, a working woman , its really difficult.
- Cracker JackLv 71 decade ago
If he nags you all the time--it sounds to me like he's tired of you. You probably should consider a seperation at this point and then you can go from there.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
who cares if anyone looks very young? That doesn't really figure in to this problem.
If hes abusive toward you, then you need to leave him.
Also in the future, when typing up long questions, break it up into a few paragraphs, it makes reading it easier.
- 1 decade ago
OMG I am in the same boat. I feel helpless and don't know what to do.