i have friends who cut and are alot like you. One of my friends just stopped cutting, smoking, and drinking. She became very in touch with her religion. For one it is DEFINITELY not a good idea to stop eating so dont even think about that! and also i know you said you want to throw up after you eat please dont think about doing that either. It'd be purging and that damages many of your organs and the acid from puking ruins the enamel on your teeth. None of this is good for your body. If you feel you need to try to lose weight start exercising every two or three days and then little by little work your way up. Dont push yourself too far when exercising. Also, get friends that will support you and not talk behind your back. They are definitely not helping what you think of yourself. Changing your friends will seriously raise your self esteem and that will put you in a better position with your eating habits. And try following the Food Pyramid. Eat more fruits and vegies. Try to stay away from stuff high in calories, sugars, sodium, fats, and caffine. Of course it's impossible to avoid all of this but do watch what you eat and how much you eat. As for your thoughts you mentioned there is nothing wrong with you. You just got over cutting and that was your pain reliever. It may be a while before your body and mind gets used to this, but while it does dont do anything you'll regret. Surround youself with people who will make you happy and give you a fun time. It will distract you and soon enough you'll forget all about it and you will be able to sit alone in your room and just relax without any of those thoughts. If it gets worse or you do not see any improvement see a doctor. You can get antibiotics for depression. I hope this helps!