I hate myself?? Help me please!?
This is hard to explain but I'll do my best to. (It might be long, but please read this and answer, I need help!) I am a 16 year old girl and I so so so much want to one day in the future be a wife and mother when I'm older. I feel though as if this dream is an unrealistic hope and that I'm just setting myself up for disappointment.
I know that I'm nothing particularly special to look at. (Of course my family tells me that I'm beautiful and all the ladies at church seem to agree, but I've never once been told that by a guy that I really truly cared about, so therefore what all these other people told me was just purely said to make me feel good and does not reflect how I actually appear to guys. Besides, what were they supposed to say to my face, that I'm ugly?) There has never been a guy that has ever really expressed intrest in me. In fact my best guy friend laughed at the fact that all of our friends (and all of the teachers that have us together in classes! That's 5 teachers!!) have said that he likes me. He laughed. To my face. Like it was a big joke. I don't even think he realized how much he hurt me. I've slowly, I think, begun to sink into a shell. Though I think I hide it well, i'm constantly second guessing every move I make. Every word i say, every little thing I do I think to myself that I must have done something wrong or something to cause others to see me as stupid. (I'm a A student so i must be seen as a nerd, I'm tall so I must be seen as awkward, I must be mental because i'm having all these doubts about myself, ext.)
I don't know what happened. I used to be confident... I don't know what to do. I worry so much that hoping one day that I'll meet that special guy is totally setting myself up for complete dissapointment in the future. After all, the guys don't seem to look at me now. Why would they ever? I feel as though I'll never be loved by anyone but my family...argh I sound crazy writing this which is why I need help! I'm, really not crazy! ( I don't think.) I want to stop thinking like this but I don't know what to do about my confidence. I think it's killing me inside. I haven't even been sleeping well lately because I've been worrying about this so much. Have you ever felt THIS low about yourself? What should I do? Please help me!