Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Should i allow my two year old son to see his mom?

After my ex gave birth to our son she became a violent drunk. And so i divorce her and got full custody of our son. But my son has been crying for his mom for the past two weeks and he says"were is mommy" and "why cant i see her" It makes me want to cry so bad when he ask's about her because i don't want to tell him the truth about her and everything. And my ex called up last night wanting to see if she could she our son, and well i told her i would have to think about it and everything. Because i don't want my son around her because she is so violent and such a drunk thats why i left her and took our son in the first place and everything. Any Advise?

Update:

Can you people not read the title says TWO YEARS OLD!!!!!

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    All your son needs to know right now is that Mommy is very sick. That IS the truth. There is no more to tell! Please keep in mind he is ONLY 2!

    Best Wishes......♥♥

  • 1 decade ago

    This is something you do not need the courts for and the decision is solely yours. It is heart breaking to hear a child cry and at the same time you want what is best for your little guy. Agree to pick her up and spend the day with you and him and go to a zoo. This way you are making your son happy and your ex to see that sweet baby. A mother's love never dies and yes she has made some bad choices in life by all means protect your son and do not put your guard down but do this for your son and even at age 2 he knows he has a mommy. Good Luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hi. I have a situation close to yours. My ex isn't a drinker but he has a temper. Shortly after my son was born I knew he wasn't someone I wanted to raise my son with. We split up when my son was 6 months old. My son will be 5 next month and he hasn't seen his dad since he was 6 months old so he doesn't remember him at all however he has started asking questions. What I do is only answer the question asked do not give any more details. When he asks where is my mommy you can say she lives far away but she loves you very much. If she has any rights for visitation you might want to make them supervised if she doesn't have any rights then the ball is in your court. My son recently asked to call his dad for the first time. I didn't like it but I let him. Lucky for me his dad is in another state and doesn't have the money to come out to see him and I will not fly him over to see him. Good luck with your situation you can email me if you ever need to just talk.

  • 1 decade ago

    First of all, I am concerned that maybe she had post partum depression and that might have been why she became an alcoholic right after the birth, if that wasn't an issue before that... perhaps a doctor and some medication or therapy might have saved your marriage if that was the "only" issue.. :( But, I would say, if you can set up visitation in a way that is supervised and safe for your son, then it is in the best interests for both of them and might be what she needs to straighten out her life.. but only if you can set it up in such a way that he's safe...

    My heart goes out to you... My ex snapped and physically attacked me in front of my daughter.. it's a long story that ended in divorce.. and she too would cry for him at times and other times would call him the "Daddy Monster" and still has issues being around men or people when they are angry.. I try to meet him in a public place weekly for a couple hours so she can spend time with him and even allowed him supervised visitation of her, but he's too busy to actually spend more than a couple hours with her, he says... it's hard when you love your children so much and only want what's best for them... and think what the other parent is missing... special time with a lil' angel...

    PS I also know what you mean about not speaking badly about the other parent... After warring with myself for a long time when she would ask me questions about it all, I finally told her Daddy has an illness that makes it unsafe for him to be alone with her or for us to live with him, but that he loves her very much.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Yeah.Marry me.....You should invite her to a park or out to dinner...a zoo...it will be hard for you,but your son needs his mom and you need to be present to protect your son.It will take alot on your part to make this happen and you will have to see her and deal with her,but you should do it for your son.Babies want and need their mommies and especially when they are so young.Please go out of your way to make sure your son sees her several times a week,because you love your son.I'm sorry,I really feel for you,but I am elated that your son has you and you cared enough to step-up and make sure he was in a good environment.Also,insist she be sober on these outings and by no means should you let her take him unsupervised.Not even having someone else supervise the visits as they may let her leave with him and she may drive drunk.If you do not have a custody order in place already,you need to get one NOW! If not she could keep him from you

    Source(s): Life experience.
  • 1 decade ago

    Read before asking questions...his son is 2...

    And yes you should allow her to see her son as long as it is supervised, if she gets out of line, take your son and leave...she will get it!

    If she truly loves her/your son, she would stop drinking and get help. If that is the only reason why she lost custody of her son and she truly wanted to have a relationship with him, she would change.

    Anything that you do, is a choice...and a selfish act! A person can change

    I love my children so much that i couldn't imagine life without them, so I feel for any mother that can't see their children.

    A small child need their mothers so much! They even love the bad ones (mothers)!

    Give her a chance!

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm a single dad also, same situation,my son is 12 and has been with me since age 3. children need both parents no matter what but YOU must control this situation and arrage for him to see her under supervision most surely it sounds, but see what you can work out. as you son gets older he will know,see and understand the situation and appritiate the responsible effort you made for him. don't tell him don't belittle his mother to him, he will know everything at acertian age! Remember your most important job in life is to be the best parent possible!

  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe you could give her the chance to see her son every once in a while ,with you present of course, because you don't know what could happen, her son miss her and she wants to see him, she is his mother no matter what, all you need to do is make your son happy.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I was in similar circumstances years ago, when my daughter was only 1 year old. My ex used drugs. And had shown violence toward me when we seperated. After the dust had settled, he wanted to see his daughter again. My sole concern was the safety of my daughter. I agreed to allow him to see her, but ONLY when I was present to supervise, and only for few hours at a time, with a view for more flexible access IF he straightened himself up. He continued to use drugs for few more years, during which that time the visits stopped, he married and moved away. 15 years later he contacted us again, full of regret and sadness at wasting those years by not being a good father to his daughter.

    My advise would be, do what is in the best interests of your child. If he wants to see his mother, arrange supervised access visits. No overnight stays, and dont let her take him away anywhere on her own. If she wants more, she can straighten herself up for the benefit of herself, her son and both of their futures, and then take it up with the courts to prove she is a worthy mother. In the meantime, you are to be commended for being a good father for your son. I take my hat off to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well it should say in the custody papers if she is allowed visitations! I would make sure that someone is there. And they are not alone. I dont think its right for any parent to go on without seeing their child.

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