Opinions on my paragraphs?

This is just something that I was inspired to write after I changed the lights in my bathroom and found that they were really white, which reminded me of a hospital.

This is something I wrote in literally like 5 minutes so please don't be mean, I just want opinions on what you think of it, and the ideas in it.

Thanks! :)

*******

Shuddering with cold, I drag my feet into the bathroom. The bright, white lights coming from the ceiling cast a hostile glow on everything inside the miniscule cubicle. It’s a pathetic excuse for a bathroom. I wash my face, taking care as to not get my bandaged wrist wet. If I do, then the nurses will come and change it, and I’d have to see that angry, puckered line on my skin. That reminder of how I tried to make my own life.

I scrub my face hard with the grainy towel, trying desperately to rid my cheekbones of their hard angles, which remind me why I’m here, but give up on the unattainable task.

As I stare in the mirror, at my familiar face, I notice that my eyes have become darker, as my soul has. Their usual bright green has now been replaced with a dark, emerald green, making them look deep-set and depressed.

Hmph, I think. At least they match how I feel.

My blonde, wavy hair is half in a ponytail, the other half, hanging in wisps across my forehead and neck. Dry, cracked lips have swapped for the soft ones that were there a few months ago.

“Cori?” I hear a nurse say my name, and walk out of the bathroom.

It’s Sarah, the only nurse who doesn’t act like I’m insane, even though I am in a psychiatric facility.

******

Thanks again! :)

--Kat has

Update:

I don't know why it says " ---Kat has" at the bottom. It's just supposed to say --Kat

:)

5 Answers

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  • AAron
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I like it! But, just indent your paragraphs and dialogue, k? Good for you for writing off inspiration!

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  • Tug
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    With a good editor, you have talent! If you can do that in 5 minutes, imagine what you could do in a month!

    - Tug

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  • 1 decade ago

    I like it. Good job for 5 minutes. :-)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It was actually really good--especially for being written in 5 minutes!

    Help me with my story too? :)

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmEpC...

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  • 1 decade ago

    i would soo like to read more of it if you write more. email me?

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