Wow, I am not sure where to begin.
I am a cancer survivor who had to undergo 14 operations in a 4 year period. The ages of my children were, at the time of my diagnosis, 6 years, 3 years and 6 weeks old. I had my first operation 4 months later and there were times that I was read my last rights. My family was called in from other states and told that I had less than 24 hours to live. I fought with everything I had to stay alive. Through all the pain, years on machines even while at home, inability to walk and having to depend on a wheel chair to get me around (and I was 24 years old at the time) I never even thought once about giving up. Through my will power, the support and love of my husband, my determination and faith, I came through it. I celebrate every birthday and don't mind getting older because it beats the alternative. I can not possibly list all of the reasons I wanted to live, but a few are that I wanted to see my girls grow up, I wanted to be at their weddings, I wanted to see them have their own families and wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to be with my husband, I didn't want to leave him with three little girls to raise on his own.
As far as suicide, I really don't understand it. But I will tell you what me middle daughter said after a close friend committed suicide when she was about 8 said to me one night. She said " the person who kills themselves is taking the easy way out, but for the rest of us, it is like an earthquake. First you have the immediate family in the epicenter that are rocked to the core and sometimes destroyed by the death, then the circle grows a little bit bigger and you have the close friends and neighbors who are deeply effected, then the circle grows to include the family of the friends, the classmates, the teachers. Then it keeps growing to include people from the past that remember the dead person. You have the family of the classmates....etc, etc, etc. The circle continues to grow for a long time before the healing can even begin to take place." I thought this was a very accurate statement and was proud that it was put so well by my 8 year old daughter.
My children are now in their late 20's and early 30's I made it through the cancer. I never once wanted to die because I had too much to live for. I fought hard and long to be here today and can not think of anything that would make me want to end it all. There is nothing that can't be overcome if you get the right help, keep a positive attitude and look for something good in each and every day.
Yes, taking your own life is the easy way out for you, but there is nothing harder, in this world on everyone left behind. AND it is permanent. Once it is done, there is no going back. So yeah, those people that you wanted to feel bad, will feel bad about it, it will hurt them beyond belief, but so what, what did the person who killed themselves get out of it. I would venture to guess that they didn't even get any satisfaction.