Critique this poem I wrote? (very short)?

Twilight {title}

The twinkling meadows

swayed elegantly in the lake

While fragrant grasses

hid from our view

Cavernous trees

rippled gallantly

As ruffled stars

waded leisurely

beneath a falling sun

Update:

Drewkulele:

The link below is to a webpage that generates a totally random poem every time you reload the page, and, I'm sorry, but they're ALOT better than yours...

“i am not very nice he burps”

This is an excerpt from the randomly generated poetry you thought was far better than what I posted; have you ever read Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Colleridge? It goes absolutely no where yet is rife in imagery; By no means am I comparing a classic like that to what I just wrote; but please know what you’re talking about before you give a bitter opinion on a subject you know nothing of

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's not very good because A) it doesn't have a point and doesn't go anywhere and, B) even as a pointless mood piece, its metaphors are tragically mixed and its adjectives don't mesh well with its nouns.

    I personally, suspect it was written by a computer and you've just put it here as a lark, to fool us all. "ruffled stars?" "cavernous trees?" No way, José, that's a computer-chosen random adjective paired with a computer-chosen random noun, if ever there was one!

    Nice try! The links below are to 2 webpages that generate a totally random poem every time you reload the page, and, I'm sorry, but they're a LOT better than yours...

    UPDATE: Wait a minute, you mean an actual human being actually wrote that drivel? Well, then there's REALLY no excuse for it!!

    I stand by what I said... yes, even "I am not very nice, he burps" is better than the utter nonsense you're churning out! It's funny, and it makes me want to read more! "The twinkling meadows swayed elegantly in the lake" on the other hand, is totally meaningless and utterly pretentious and it makes me want to gag! I mean, really, what are you, a love-sick 12-year-old girl? No? Well, you write like one!

    And, by the way, after hearing you compare yourself to him, Samuel Coleridge is spinning in his grave right now!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Excellent imagery. I could almost see what you were describing. I think the only part that was a little difficult for me was the "ruffled stars" ... "beneath a falling sun". It would seem that the brightness of even a falling sun would outshine stars being reflected in a pond. Beautiful poem.

  • 3 years ago

    No Melba is stable. you already know connects to the peaches. Melba toast, melba peaches. have you ever seen the water tower this is a great Georgia peach? it truly is extremely nicely prevalent interior the south - the cleft of the peach is so great and obscene. We consistently laughed as we traveled previous.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think it has a beautiful rhythm to it and I can picture it in my mind's eye, except I don't know why the meadows are in the lake, unless they are reflected there.

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