Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Is it ever good to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the children?

48 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    If husband and wife are educated and responsible human beings, there must be a willingness on their part to stop thinking of their unhappiness and concentrate instead on the happiness of the children.

    Circumstances change, however, and because of these changes, individuals are deeply affected. You may have heard friends and family speak of incidents that forced couples to divorce. Yes, we have to think of the children first and foremost, but when life turns out to be a living hell for couples, they must be given the chance to “bail out” of the marriage so as not to drag the children into the drama.

    An example is when the husband has a history of physical and sexual abuse, or if the woman has had drug problems in the past. There’s no reason why young, innocent children have to be exposed to a string of negative events. In one real life example, a friend had an uncle who was addicted to video lottery terminals. Going from the occasional gambling stint, he graduated into heavier stakes, unable to control his betting impulses. How did his story end? You guessed right. He lost everything: a beautiful wife, adorable kids and a home that was the envy of the neighborhood. This man has gone into hiding and his family does not know of his whereabouts.

    Another example is when an individual’s cocaine habit causes the family’s fortunes to disappear. People who take drugs for pleasure think that their habit won’t go past the occasional joint, but just as smoking cigarettes is addicting, the same is true for heavy drugs. In fact the addiction can be much worse. Individuals destroy themselves and their families so that the other spouse has no other recourse but to leave the marriage in order to save the children from this traumatic reality.

    Verbal abuse is tantamount to mental torture. When a spouse constantly belittles the other, reducing that person to a human being with no self-esteem, then it’s time to bail out of the marriage. Health concerns are also trigger factors for spouses to fall out of love for each other. When husband or wife puts on considerable weight and does NOT do anything about it, it puts a lot of pressure on the family.

    Religious fanaticism is another reason. When religious beliefs get in the way and could endanger the lives of loved ones, what can one do? A clear example of this is when certain religions condemn blood transfusions. The wife of an individual we knew went into an epileptic seizure and would not agree to a transfusion because of her religion, but it was forced upon her by family members. No need to say it saved her life. Religious fanaticism is deplorable especially if it affects those around you.

    Bottom line: while we have no right to rob children of their innocence and youth and force them to become adults abruptly because their parents have split up, we should also bear in mind that there are situations that fall outside the realm of choosing between the happiness of the children or the happiness of the husband and wife.

    If the situations we mentioned above do not exist in a marriage, then couples must stay married for the sake of children. Dialogue should take the place of fighting and confrontation.

    nfd♥

  • 1 decade ago

    I would have to say.. that NO it is not. Unless both husband and wife could still live together and get along in a civil manor for the children's sake. I can honestly say that since my parents have been married for the last 20 years, the last 10.. have been the worst. My parents have had fight after fight. I can't even say how many times the police have been to our home. it is embarrassing. Yet, my parents are still legally married but at in real life they can't stand each other. I think if that is the case. then for the sake of the children it would probably to end the bad marriage so that the kids aren't dealing with all that instability and any other heart ache that might amount for their parents not being happy...

  • 1 decade ago

    Every time I see a question like this, I laugh. I wonder if the person asking it really cares about what is best for the kids or just wants to gain enough answers which well support what they really want to do anyway. Further, I have seen a ton of people who will talk of the kids and what is best, so long as it helps them justify and get what they want. The minute that they have to do other then what they want because doing so is best for the kids, suddenly what is best for the kids really is of little concern.

    Look, let me clue you in here. Your vows did not say anything about what is best for the kids or what you feel. They did not suggest anything or ask you to try. They plainly said that marriage is til death and that you work it out. Both have to do so and make it work. That was it. Look at what Gods word said about marriage.

  • 1 decade ago

    if the marriage is bad, you can't just stay in the marriage just for the children's sake. you and your husband will be fighting and arguing all the time and will be acting strangely around each other. the children will eventually find out that you two are not happy with each other. living in a house with constant arguing is worse for the children than if you two got a divorce. but what do i know, i'm just a teenager.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    I know that our children are the most important things in our lives and that is why, we should not continue to live in a bad marriage. We deserve to be happy and if we're not, it reflects on to our children. They can tell and it's important to be your best for them.

    I do think that if a couple decides to end their relationship and their are children involved, they need to make it as easy on them as they can by being adult about it and not fighting all the time. They shouldn't keep their children from the other parent or eliminate visitation because one parent is behind on child support. They should never talk bad about the other parent either. If the parent is that worthless, the kids will see it eventually.

  • 1 decade ago

    Absolutely not!!! Children have always been used as an excuse to stay miserable. Is that what is best? Would you rather divorce, be happier in the long run, and ensure your children are raised with love....or would you rather stay in a horrible marriage, be miserable all the time, and ensure your children are raised seeing their parents fight all the time and being miserable? It is better for you to get out of a bad marriage so you can be happy. It is better for the children that you get out so they don't grow up believing that it's ok to be miserable.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't know, I would have to be in the situation. Actually I am in this sort of situation, except I'm not the wife... I'm the children. I really hate that my mom is staying in for my brother and I, the children. I love my father but I think my mom and him both deserve another chance to love, to find someone else. My father is unfair and only thinks of himself and sometimes I wish my mother would leave him, I understand what she goes through and wish she was happy, but I can't do anything about it. All I can say is that I don't know what I would do, until I myself experience it. Yet from how my mom suffers I don't think I would handle it. Children aren't happy when their parents are always fighting and arguing all day, everyday.

    Source(s): Good Luck
  • 1 decade ago

    Staying together for the sake of the children is not a good idea. The kids will be fine. You need to be happy to help you kids be happy.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I divorced after 4 years of marriage. I was the unhappy one and I look back now and know I did the right thing, even with all the problems that i've had to face because of my decisions. So to answer your question, no. If you're unhappy and have tried to make it work and it still doesn't, then just do what you feel you need to do. If I could go back and change things, I wouldn't of married so soon and taken the time to get to know myself first.

  • 4 years ago

    Religious fanaticism is another reason. When religious beliefs get in the way and could endanger the lives of loved ones, what can one do? A clear example of this is when certain religions condemn blood transfusions. The wife of an individual we knew went into an epileptic seizure and would not agree to a transfusion because of her religion, but it was forced upon her by family members. No need to say it saved her life. Religious fanaticism is deplorable especially if it affects those around you.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.