Teen question, problems with a 17 year old girl. How would you handle it?

Let me apologize in advance for the long convoluted story, but it takes some background to set the stage. My 17 year old step-daughter is a royal pain in the A$$. Very controversial amongst her friends, she is the instigator who causes a lot of fights, likes to pick on people, and has been in her share of legal trouble. She has prety well screwed up first three years of high school. Karma has taken its toll and now she is hanging out with a much less ( IMHO) desirable set of peers.

That being said, I also do think my step daughter has been trying to change and grow and mature. This past semester, she worked very hard to get out of her drug-court issue and made excellent marks in school ( she was a D & F student), applied herself and became and A & B student.

On her Birthday (May) this year, her 16 y.o "best-friend" stole her cellphone, money, and other items, and blamed it on others at a party. Found out later it was the friend, she returned the phone unusable and vandalized ( superglued shut and dunked in water). My step-daughter then ends her friendship with this girl and has no more contact. Blocks number from cell phone, etc.

Fast forward a month later, the step daughter goes to another state to stay with the Grandparents for a couple of months to work and save money for a car. She gets sick and has to return home. During that time, she got text messages from a strange number, turns out it was the thief/vandal friend wondering when she would be back home. Returned home to her fathers house after two weeks away and found the majority of her clothes stolen from her room. Father lives out in the country and doesn't keep house locked, always away during the day, so it would have been easy for someone to come in.

We just know is was this ex-friend who took her clothes, jewelry, etc. The father never noticed missing items, as he doesn't go into her room often. Have also heard some chatter from mutual friends something like this may have gone down. The ex-friends parents are of no help at all, they let their 16 year old live with her boyfriend part time and have no control over her. My step-daughters biological father doesn't want to get law enforcement involved, since he may have supplied a small amount of alcohol to step daughter and friends at her birthday party ( THAT WAS STUPID!!!!!!!!), and the ex-friend already alluded to the fact they may tell law enforcement about that little gem of info if charges were pressed regrading the cell phone issue.

What would you do to resolve/correct/ or even avenge this issue?


hey "why not" break in happened at fathers house, not mine.

5 Answers

  • John U
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You know it just sounds to me like she has a lot of positive potential but surrounds herself with losers. A lot of kids do this as retaliation or angst from going through divorces whatever but like I said she seems to be salvageable for the moment. The best advice I could give you is to take it another step and step up. It just seems no one else gives a hoot except for you and at least you are trying but someone has to be the adult. Do not let those other kids intimidate you or your daughter with threats such as those. They are going to tell the police that the Dad served alcohol at a birthday party (true or not) is miniscule as opposed to them using that as leverage to commit crimes against you or your daughter. I would make a list and description of the stolen items and notify the police to investigate. When the officer (s) arrive inform them that you have cause to believe said persons committed the “breaking and entering/burglary” (Felonies) into the home and removed said items as described in your list and it doesn't matter if the door was locked or not. Now what you have in your favor at the moment is the mere fact that they made the threat that they would tell any police that the Dad served alcohol (lower class misdemeanor). Kind of an admission of guilt to use as blackmail to deter any police action. Now while the police are there explain that to them as well. “We made a mistake and served some minors alcohol at the daughters birthday party and the persons we believe are responsible for this crime have already told us they would report that if we reported them for entering our property and removing said items.” By now the police aren’t going to give one rats butt about that and if I were the one coming to the house to talk to you it would be a big red flag and would incite me more to want to approach these people and talk to them and let them sink their own ship to the point I would at least be able to begin finding some probable cause to enter their premise and search (or gain consent to search and these folks sound stupid enough to give it to me) for any of the items that you had listed and described. You’re going to gain a whole lot more favor with your daughter (stepdaughter?) when you stand up and take charge and stop letting a bunch of delinquents take charge of your house. Forget about the alcohol thing and just preempt it by telling the police yourself yep it was a mistake but now they have stated they will use that against you. Get your daughter to start realizing that mistakes are made and if we are not learning from them then what is the point. It sounds like she is she just needs some positive reinforcement, a person to talk to that isn’t going through teenage angst and don’t be afraid to stand up for her or yourself and allow others especially a bunch of punks to control your home from the outside. Please don't take this as a personal attack in any shape form or manner as it may sound mean but hey, if the captain has jumped off the ship and a bunch of punks are trying to steer it into the rocks somebody better grab the wheel and it sounds like you are elected. Good luck and I do hope you call the police with itemized document in hand. Worst case scenario nothing will happen but they will come to be under the police radar from that point on too. Who knows they may solve a whole bunch of crimes just by your pointing these people out.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Call her bluff and call the police. I would also consider pressing charges if you still can. Nobody wants a young teenager to be in legal trouble because it affects the rest of their lives. It's hard and expensive.

    One suggestion is to make a "deal" with the courts and ask them to order her to a short-term residential treatment program at her parents expense. That way the girl can deal with her issues that are driving her to behave this way. Usually when teens are court ordered to a program the deal is the program must be completed successfully and usually they get probation for a few months but then the charge would be expunged from her record. The courts always want to get troubled teens rehabilitated rather than in the system until they are 18!

    It sounds like this "friend" of your daughter's is out of control and needs help fast before something worse happens to her. It's always better to try to fix situations like this from the view of working together to help someone rather than "getting her back" for stealing etc.

    Congrats to your daughter for getting her act together and pulling her grades up. That's fantastic!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Ask the father to call the police because stealing is a crime. Burgarly is a illegal. If confronting the friend's parent's won't work, then call the police. Tell the father to learn his from this incident and to make sure that the windows and doors are locked. Tell the daughter to lock her windows in her room.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds simple, call her bluff and call the police. They can say all they want that he gave them alcohol but the law likely wouldn't take as much action against a father trying to keep the love of his daughter whom he rarely sees over some snot nosed chick who thinks she's untouchable. Or, contront her parents, get the school involved somehow if anything took place during school hours.

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  • 1 decade ago

    try writing a smaller question..

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