IRISYA asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

請幫忙檢查英文文法(很短)

請各位英文高手

可以幫我檢查一下哪裡英文文法有錯誤

或是哪裡需要修改會比較好的

謝謝

In a valley,there was a famous religious village. It was a mysterious place.The weather there were 321 days of one year cloudy.Every day before dawn, Alice would pray for the weather could be sunny,not only rains and thunders.

Alice's father was a member of the Congress,everyone respected him very much.Her family was rich.She was going to inherit the money after her father died.Most of the men wooed Alice didn't really love her,they just loved the money.The crown was the family heirloom of them,it would spray dazzling light when someone really loved Alice put it on.

One day,a settler called Jack came to the village.He grabbed Alice's sight at once he appeared.Jack had curly hair,light blue eyeballs,and high tall stature--"That's what Iwant to marry."Alice thought.

Alice fell in love with Jack, they talked about marriage quickly.The day before the wedding,Jack put the crown on,suddenly the crown emitted golden blond light.

Alice's father died shortly after Alice married.There was one thing very strange,Alice got ill from a name undiscovered disease and died in the second year she married.Jack inherited huge legacy naturally.The village people smelled a rat in the matter,so they decided to investigate deeply.The real crown was changing to the wrong one what Jack prepared.Jack's crown shone when he wore it only.And Alice's death was Jack put poison in her meal from day to day.The village people was too furious,so they killed him immediately.

摁...

我想把最後一句改成"Jack就這樣死於他們的拳腳之下"

謝謝囉^^

2 Answers

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    In a valley, there was a famous religious village, it was a mysterious place, there were 321 days of a year with cloudy weather, every day before dawn, Alice would pray for the weather could be sunny, not only rainy and thundering.

    Alice's father was a member of the Congress, everyone respected him very much, her family was rich, she was going to inherit the fortune after her father died, most of the men who wooed Alice didn't really love her, they just loved her money, and the crown was the family heirloom of them, it would spray dazzling light when someone really loved Alice put it on.

    One day, a settler called Jack came to the village, the man grabbed Alice's sight at once when he appeared, Jack had curly hair, light blue eyeballs, and high very tall stature--"That's what I want to marry." Alice thought.

    Alice fell in love with Jack later, they talked about marriage quickly, when the day before the wedding, Jack put on the crown(依據以前唸過的文法,似應為代名詞如it ,才置於put與 on之間), suddenly, the crown emitted golden blond light.

    Alice's father died shortly after Alice married, and there was one thing was very strange, Alice got ill from an unknown disease and died in the next year of her marriage, Jack inherited the huge legacy naturally, but the village people smelled a rat in the matter, so they decided to investigate deeply, they found that the real crown was exchanged with a fake one which Jack prepared, and that crown will shine only when he wore it , and Alice's death caused by Jack putting poison in her meal day after day, the village people were so furious that they killed him immediately.

  • 1 decade ago

    基本上還不錯只是結尾有點太突然~希望你可以多加一些還有注意run on 的句子

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