Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingNewborn & Baby · 1 decade ago

Formula feeding mommies?

Honestly, this a serious question. Do you really feel like you get attacked, personally, beyond the trolls screaming "formula is poison"?

I am only asking, because this whole debate the last week, which I won't go into again, I feel the comments made were a lot harsher than the trolls who scream formula is poison. Maybe because some of the comments came from what seem to be legitimate users?

I am not trying to drudge things up again, but it seems like everything is deemed as an attack on formula feeding moms, when most of the time it's not. I saw so many people saying it was all about proving they were better moms by posting pictures. Not a single one of them ever had that for a reason. Then people posting questions about how we were offending women who couldn't breast feed, while it was okay for us to get attacked for the pictures, being literally called white trash, child molesters, no one wants to see that, put a blanket over your child's head. That seemed more personal than someone screaming "formula is poison", like I said, considering that those are mostly trolls and the other comments came from real users.

But anyway, what makes it an attack? Why was this taken as an attack? I know not everyone took it that way, I am referring more the people who did take it as an offensive attack on them.


Julienne's mom-That's exactly what I mean-we are supposed to be sensitive of someone using formula, but it's okay for us to get attacked in a week long nasty debate, where we are getting called every name in the book.

Update 2:

I know my oldest daughter had switched to formula at 9 months because my supply was low and she was miserable. I know I was low, because I went from pumping 30 oz at work down to barely 2 oz in a ten hour stretch. After I stopped breastfeeding, I never even became engorged. i wish I had been aware of this site and gotten advice on how to keep going longer.

20 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I have been. I know these answers aren't seen, and can't be proved, because they usually get removed from yahoo. I was told by a respected tc on here that I was lying about supply issues as only a small percentage of women have this problem and I couldn't possibly be one of them. The same person told me that if I had fed on demand I'd have had enough milk to feed 6 or 7 babies (I fed almost constantly for 3 months, but that's not the point). Someone else said that the only reason I failed was that I didn't try enough and I deserved to feel guilty (as you know, I had PND and felt miserable). Another *respected* user on here called me a f***ing b*tch for defending the use of formula.

    However... all of that aside, I do think that the remarks about the pictures were harsher. I wouldn't say those, like myself, who didn't believe that they were disgusting, offensive, sexual etc, but simply that they were causing more upset than they were helping - I honestly don't think that was harsh and I truly mean it when I say that I hope I haven't offended anyone over this. But there were some who were worse than any anti-formula troll on here.

    But it's not tit for tat. It shouldn't be, 'they hurt us so we'll hurt them back'. And it certainly shouldn't be a case of *us* and *them*.It is possible to be on both sides of the arguement and not offend anyone... at least I think it is....? Because some of the formula users attacked you, doesn't mean that we all deserve a counter-attack, and the same works vice versa.

    I didn't take the pictures as an offensive attack. As a PND sufferer and failed breastfeeder, I could say that they would have upset me not long ago - but I'm not saying that they SHOULD have upset me, only that I lost all sense of logic and would have taken it the wrong way. After all, the pictures aren't there because the baby is hungry, or because they simply like the pictures - they are there to make a point, as I saw with the original question asking other nursing mothers to make a stand using pictures. Is the point working? I honestly don't believe it is.

    I don't mean to cause offense, I don't want to start a war. I'm trying, really trying to see both sides here.

    Another note... how can someone say, 'well if they shouldn't be upset, then why are they? That's their own personal hang-ups'... then why are the same people getting upset when someone says that breastfeeding is sexual or disgusting?

    It's human nature to get upset over a negative comment aimed at you, whether it's right or not.

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  • Guess
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Being called selfish and lazy is what I think an attack is, which I have been called for formula feeding. I was even told that I was orally raping my son when I gave him a bottle (a LC in real life said that). That comment hurt horribly, mainly because I was trying so hard to be successful at BF, and it just wasn't working.

    I think most formula feeding moms know that formula is inferior to breast milk and feel guilty about not BF. Something as simple as an avatar brings that guilt to the surface. Stating the effects that formula has on an infant makes it even worse. These women have serious insecurity issues that only they can fix.

    I stopped letting it bother me. I know I messed up, but there is nothing I can do about that now except educate even more for my next child.

    That's just my 2 cents.

    Source(s): Me
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  • km&g
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I have never looked down at ANYONE for formula feeding, nor have I ever made a nasty comment to a formula feeder. I just don't know where this is coming from. I've never seen a 'real' user (not a troll) attack a formula feeder.

    I've never once felt superior to another mother because I breastfeed-it's bothersome that people think I'm better because I breastfeed.

    ETA: I think a lot of people mistake pride for an "I'm better than you" attitude. It's possible to be proud of something without thinking you're superior. They aren't the same thing.

    I also think some of the things we say are misconstrued. This is the internet, people can't 'hear' what we type-they don't know 'how we're saying it...KWIM?

    ETA (again, I keep thinking of things lol): I receive e-mails all the time telling me I'm a 'pusher'. One time, I got an e-mail after answering a question where this mom was on the line and was about to quit breastfeeding. I gave her advice on ways she could stick with it and fix her problem.

    I got called a nazi, a bytch, whore, etc.

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  • 1 decade ago

    you're right. women with the pictures were called (in no particular order) trashy, low-class, disgusting, child molesters, animals, perverts, pornographic, retarded, weird, etc. I specifically can recall being called each one of those things in the past week because of my avatar. there are a few people I won't mention, but it shows how ignorant people are. and STILL, I never saw a breast feeder attack formula feeders. we just defended our side.

    it BLOWS me away how people reacted to those avatars. for every person saying those nasty things on here, there's probably 12 in a restaurant thinking the same thing while I feed my son. that's INSANE. the point of the avatars (or public breast feeding) is not to rub it in anyone's face either, but to PROVE that breast feeding IS OKAY. I honestly didn't realize until this last week that a lot of people actually felt that it wasn't. I don't get it. and with the avatar debate, people really showed their true colors and so many mini-debates got sparked. and so -- I don't understand why people think babies should be weaned at 6 months. I don't get why 'seth' was concerned with posting kid's pictures online but he did it this afternoon. I don't get why people think it's perverted and disgusting to see a breast but don't go around reporting avatars in the adolescent section. I don't understand why y!a suspended mystic's account but still left her picture of a breast up on the top answerer. I don't understand it! I guess I know where people stand at least. who knew what started out with standing up to 'apple juice's' question (she was the one that started it -- where'd she go? lol) would start all this. who knew people like seth would come out of the woodwork like that. ughh. who knew that other women would call breasts, babies, and feeding disgusting and consider it something to do in private. I HONESTLY had no idea so many people felt that way. maybe that 'side' is just being more vocal and it seems like a lot of people, but I feel like I thought we'd progressed further as a society than I guess we actually have.

    I could keep going but I'm done for the night.

    eta: oh and when I was just remember names I've been called, I forgot to mention 'stupid beytch' and 'nazi.' how could I have forgotten those..

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  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, I am a BFer. But I do hate seeing attacks on mommies, no matter how they feed their babies. My view is that breast milk is superior (proved time and again in numerous large-scale studies and admitted by the formula industry), but that does not mean FFers are bad mothers who don't love their children. I'm not sure how anyone jumps to that conclusion!!

    And yes, the attacks on public or fullterm breastfeeders have been extreme lately. It's horrifying that anyone could call us child molesters or low class for nourishing and comforting our children!

    But I will say again, no attacks should EVER occur towards either group. As a lactivist, shoving breastfeeding at someone is never my intent; I simply share correct information to aid those moms who wish to succeed at nursing. If someone who uses formula is upset by the facts about breastfeeding and the real risks of formula use, that isn't my issue. You cannot make someone feel guilty for something unless she already doubting her choices, you know? And no one is perfect; we all make decisions we later regret (my biggest parenting one is that I vaccinated Sophie before researching it first).

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  • JoJo
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Honestly, some of it felt like attach even though I mostly give my son breast milk. I am just feeling very frustrated with nursing and pumping b/c my son is such a terrible latcher and the pumping is getting really old as I have been doing it non-stop for 6 weeks. Comments like 'I feel formula should be given out by prescription' or 'My kid won't latch is just an excuse that people who formula feed us' gets really annoying. I really try hard but it is just no working out well. I feel like some of you will look down on a person such as myself if I decide that it is time to switch to formula b/c I am so miserable breastfeeding.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I usually do not answer questions like this, but I have to agree with what Not A Well Behaved Woman said:

    "Nobody can "make you" feel any way. The way you feel is based on what you think about yourself."

    If someone perceives they are being attacked, whether or not they really are, they will usually act accordingly.

    People have been attacked here on both sides of the debate. Two wrongs don't make a right. Moms should be able to enjoy being moms without having anyone else make them feel bad for their choices - regardless of whether the choices they make turn out to be the right ones or not.

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  • 1 decade ago

    There are people besides trolls who honestly think that there is poison in formula. I ended up getting into a little debate with them about it because their evidence of the poisons was based on mostly speculation and heresay and there was nothing to honestly back it up to satisfy me.

    I formula fed my twins and I did feel attacked for it sometimes but I'm so over letting what other people think get to me. I know I did what was my personal best at the time, I can't undo it, my twins are rockin' healthy and strong, and SMART. <3

    People need to just be confident in their choices and if you are confident with your choice then no matter what someone else thinks- it can't affect you.

    Nobody can "make you" feel any way. The way you feel is based on what you think about yourself.

    I also feel like the breastfeeders were more under the gun in the last week than anyone else. ;-p I didn't appreciate the nasty things said about the pictures but frick it.

    One thing I wonder, do the same people get all offended at Lavitra commercials, Enzyte ads? They can talk about boob jobs, blow jobs, erectile dysfunction, and genital herpes on prime time television but OMFG! Is that woman BREAST FEEDING? Sick! That is sick!


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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Nope not at all. I wouldn't care if I was it's the internet. I like the avatars I'm glad that so many moms breastfeed and are so open about it on here. Don't take it personally ladies if you help one mother get over the initial breastfeeding hump then you are doing good. Don't let the nay sayers get you down:)

    Source(s): Breastfed for 2 months and now have a happy healthy 4 1/2 month old formula fed daughter.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am often attacked when a mother comes on here, ready to give up breastfeeding, and I tell her how to keep nursing. I'm trying to support another breastfeeding mom, and I'm called a nazi by those who prefer to tell that woman to give up. I often feel that when we say anything about bf, someone comes on here and tells us how dumb we are because we just want to be superior. Really, I ignore it. I'm proud that I've breastfed this long. That doesn't make me superior; I'm just proud.

    I'm tired of tiptoeing around so I don't make a formula mom "feel bad." I've seen that many, many formula moms don't mind calling me nasty names.

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