Is this a healthy relationship for a boy and a girl who aren't best friends but are ok friends?
Ok so , there's this girl I know from school named Mia. We aren't exactly best friends, but we're pretty good friends. We're both 14. I mainly know her from school, but we hug a lot, and hang out sometimes. They aren't exactly dates, but yeah. We also go to what other's houses a lot.
Another thing is that we're pretty comfortable around eachother sexually. I mean, I can have my shirt off around her, no problem. And she can be around me in just her bra, no problem. (Both of these things have happened a few times) We go swimming together sometimes, so when we hug, we're both in bathing suits. Hell, we can even change together. We don't stare or anything but it's not like we have to cover our eyes. Some of the things we say might be interpreted as flirty, but they could be interpreted as friendly. An example would be last week, when were changing, she said jokingly "Stop staring at my boobs" And I mock paniced, "No, no! I was looking at your necklace, I swear! and she, said "You were looking at my boobs, admit it!" I said "No, no, really I wasnt!" And she said "I better get my bra on before you start drooling" By the end we were both laughing, so I don't know if she was serious, but I kinda doubt it. She was smiling, but that may have been in a joking way, or a knowing way.
Is this a healthy relationship for a 14 year old boy and girl?
Sometimes she "over-flirts" with me but she does so in a way that makes it clearly fake, and done for jokes sake. Like when we're alone she'll touch her boobs or bat her eyelashes or whisper in my ear and then kiss my cheek. When someone made a joke about it, she said "So what? Jack is used to me being sexy around him"
But like I said, she's just messing around, having a laugh.
Question 1: I think it's cause we might like each other.
Question 2: We're in one of our bedrooms or at the pool.
Question 3: Probably because we trust each other, and it's just become our thing, I dunno.
Question 4: *blush* Maybe a little....
Question 5: Yeah, heh.
Question 6: Umm...I don't know, I think so.
Question 7: A few times....
Question 8: Umm...not at this stage.
Question 9: I have no idea.
Question 10: Occasionally....
Question 11: Yes
Question 12: I'm not sure. I'm a little too nervous to do it at this point. Heh.
Question 13: Yeah one or twice...
Question 14: Umm I don't know. I really want to know but I think it would be too awkward to ask.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
RE: ADDITIONAL INFORMATION...
It sounds like she likes you, but is afraid. Are you brave enough to ask her straight up? The "obvioulsy fake" flirting might be because she really likes you but is afraid to say it. She might be trying to get you to make the first move. When you are just hanging around without shirts on does she ever go bra-less? When you are changing together does she usually stand face-on when she is naked? Are you good enough friends to be able to ask her to undress before you talk? And would she hug you naked? Lastly, is it worth the risk to you? (How badly do you need to know?)
Your story raises a lot of questions: Why do you seem to be hugging so often? Where are you when you are together partially undressed? Why are you changing clothes together? Why do you do it so that you can see each other naked? Does Mia's body turn you on? Do you turn her on? Did you ever hug while changing? Do you want to have sex with her or she with you?
Without knowing the answer to these questions it is hard to know the complete answer. Certainly there is a problem here or you would not be wondering if it were healthy. Normally for two 14 year olds to be so casual about their bodies suggests that you are closer than you realize. That kind of behavior requires a great deal of trust; the kind that comes from a deep friendship or a love relationship.
Are you in love? Or are you both enjoying the game of each other's bodies suppressing the stronger sexual feelings so that you can stay friends? If Mia was serious about you staring at her boobs, then she probably enjoys the game but is afraid of getting more physically and/or emotionally involved. If she was not, then she was probably happy that you were looking at her body. So what do you do?
Talk about it, honestly. In your case I might suggest something that I would not normally dare to suggest to two 14 year olds.
If you ask her how she feels and she says that she is not sure, and she asks you and you are not sure then make use of your special relationship - get undressed. You are lucky, because you can do this. Take some time just to look at each other's body. Stare at her and let her stare at you. Put your clothes aside and just look - maybe hug or touch each other briefly - take a little time. Then sit down and try talking again without any clothes on. If you are honest with each other you will be able to admit attraction, emotion and fear. Don't make any decisions while you are naked. DON'T HAVE SEX!!!! End with a long hug. Agree that even if you feel yourself getting turned on don't stop for a few minutes. Then get dressed and be apart for a while.
If you discover new things about yourself take time to think about them before you make any decisions. Talk some more later with your clothes on (after you have been apart for a few hours or a day or two) .
The reason I would dare to suggest this is because the two of you are engagaed in behavior that usually does not occur except between bf/gf or friends with benefits, unlesss you are both nudists. By pushing this behavior to the limit you will know how you feel emotionally and sexually. What is most important is that you are honest with yourself and with each other. If you go through all of this and you discover that you really don't want to be lovers, then you are probably better friends than you thought and mutual nudity is just a sign of that. At least then you will know for sure, and the ability to be naked together or to look at each other will just be something special to you two.
One last important thing. If you decide that you want to start having sex either as bf/gf or just as good friends wait for at least a few weeks during which there is no hugging and all clothes stay on all the time. Then, if you still want to try it, start slow; hand jobs, blow jobs, just fooling around (sexual flirting). Give it time, once you do have sex there is no going back. (AND USE PROTECTION!)
- 1 decade ago
You know what, not only do I think it's perfectly healthy and normal, I'm inclined to disagree with the others and say that if there was something more involved in your relationship other than just changing around one another it would be fine as well. But the bottom line is, this relationship is between the two of you and if you both feel comfortable with it then it is no ones business to judge you.
- 1 decade ago
Well that's kind of weird that you change in front of each other. As long as you aren't doing anything with the girl that you shouldn't be doing, I'd say it's fine. But if you guys just change in front of each other and stuff, you're kinda like siblings. I know these two siblings and they change in front of each other and they don't care. I guess it's kind of weird to change in front of each other and be seen by each other half naked, but hugging is fine. Just don't do anything with the girl, because you're so young and that would not turn out well. But I'd say stop changing in front of each other and walking around each other half naked because that is a little strange. If you stop that, I'd say that it would be a healthier friendship...
- GwendolynLv 44 years ago
As long as both of yall are comfortable with it, And there are no feelings on either end of the deal, Then I don't see an issue with itt
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- 1 decade ago
Are you guys childhood friends? Kind of strange regarding the skinship, but other than that, yes.
- 1 decade ago
Sounds pretty neat. Strange in some ways, but neat.
- 1 decade ago
...Sure? I don't see anything wrong with it, as long as you don't go have sex and produce offspring. You're too young for that. That's the only thing that would make it unhealthy... in my opinion at least.
- 1 decade ago
First and foremost, don't get her pregnant, please! For your sake and hers!
You guys seem to have a pretty good friendship, do you like her and you just don't want to realize it? Maybe she'll be your first love, the one you can never get over. ha! :)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i don't know. as long as no funny business is going on, i'd say that it's okay. but i'm sure some people might say i need my head examined.
- 1 decade ago
thats really long.