A 1 year old, and a newborn baby, a heartbreaking problem...im a desperate mom who needs some advice...:(?

My daughter just turned a year old on the 19th of last month...I just had my new baby 5 days ago...I was only in the hospital for 2 days (i had to have a csec because of some health dangers)...My daughter stayed with her dad and grandparents, my fiance (who is both my kids father) brought her to the hospital both days i was there and had her with him the day i left the hospital...i was picking up on some weird vibes around my daughter but thought it was just cause she was in new surroundings...thats not the case however...i came hom from the hospital 4 days ago and my daughter wants nothing to do with me, everyone says its the baby but i dont think thats it, my finace will hold the baby and she will still cling to him and refuse to come near me...ive been so desperate to be able to just touch her that when she does come to me i pick her up and carry her around...when i put her down i have really bad cramping and i can feel myself bleeding...ive cried litterally non stop since i come home over this and ive only eaten a couple times...my fiance isnt helping much, he says its my fault our daughter is distant (that makes me feel guilty that i just gave birth to HIS son) he says i dont spend time with her...how can i spend time with her when she screams and cries when i try to touch her and she follows him everywhere reaching out for him...he hardly even looks at his son and if it werent for me the baby wouldnt get any attention at all...on top of it all he makes fun of me cause i cry over this...he says all i do is spend my time "bawling"...i feel like my family of four is divided into teams of 2 and my heart is broken and im devistated...i cant describe how i feel when my baby girl looks at me like she has no idea who i am and i cant show how i feel cause i get made fun of and ridiculed by thier father...

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    she's a little girl and I'm sure when she get's older she will be more attached to you. I know it must be emotionally depressing to see your daughter not look back at you. Maybe she thinks you are going to be carried away with your new son and that you don't like as much. I know of many kids who think that way. You could try playing with her when the father isn't around:)

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    She's only a baby herself and too young to be holding any kind of grudge so don't take her behaviour personally. I imagine you are quite tense with her because of the way she has acted, but remember if she feels isolated from you because of the baby or any other reason, showing her you are tense or upset could make the situation worse.

    You gave birth 5 days ago so you are no doubt very exhausted and emotional. Remember that this is a passing phase. Just be normal with her and try to initiate play, but don't show you are upset if she rejects you, just be ready to play when she is ready to approach you.

    She may be feeling insecure at the birth of a new baby and your absence for several days so clinging to her father is natural. It sounds like he needs a kick up his ****, but at the end of the day, he is the father and fighting with him won't make things easier. Try to take the high road and be there for your children.

    I know it is hard, I remember how I felt in the days after I gave birth, but this is just a passing phase, and will be ancient history before you know it. I'm sure you'll have a great relationship with your daughter for the rest of your life, and if your boyfriend doesn't get a better attitude, he will suffer in the long run when your daughter is old enough to understand.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 4 years ago

    I think you can try, as long as you know the woman is healthy. And it's no big deal if another woman breastfeeds your boy it is just the matter whether he catches on or doesn't go with it. My brother was once in a while breastfed by my aunt (my mom's brother's wife) becasue my mom didn't have enough milk and my aunt had more than she needed. Mother's milk is the best thing you can give to your son if you want his health to thrive. Definitely better than any formula or cow's milk. Hope it helps. You are luck to have found a friend that is offering to do that for you.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    you need to get out with your daughter and do fun things, even so close to having your son.

    Go to the park, make dinner together, color, finger paint, take baths together. Read her favorite book, go grocery shopping together.

    She's probably picking up vibes from you, and its rubbing on to her.

    Buck up! you should be proud of your little family you have, everything will be ok!!! I promise.

    You need to get a back bone and tell your bf to shove it, seriously when he makes comments to you like that you need to look at him and tell him to go f himself... Your a emotional rollercoaster right now and you dont deserve to here any type of negative comments.

    As for now with your daughter, try to spend as much time with her as possible even if she's kicking and screaming. When she freaks out, just back off a bit, but stay in the room, when she calms down, go back in and start interacting with her.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.