Who is at Mary Jo's Tea Party? Are you there? please come and critique this poem?

Mary Jo is at my house now

And I have barely woken up

She’s shaking me, I say “oh wow!”

“What do you want? Bring me a cup

Of hot green tea, that jasmine stuff.”

She brings me coffee black instead

And chatters like a chipmunk, wild

She forces me right out of bed

She is a pushy little child

It’s hard to hide from her, my smile

She brought her tea set over here

She had the day quite well planned out

Her intention was very clear

Animal crackers spread about

Little napkins next to the cups

Children appear from who knows where

Now spreading blankets on the lawn

And some of them came quite prepared

Sue brought a radio turned it on...

The country station playing songs

“I’ve got a brand new pair of ...

Roller skates, you’ve got a brand new....”

“Joanie, Joanie please don’t cry...”

“Sneaky snake...”

...“Watermelon Wine

I fill the teapots with the tea

We all sit down act like adults

Monica is sitting next to me

And soon its seems exchanging insults

The boys are getting restless

The sun is hot but trees lend shade

Mary Jo’s party was a knock out

Out in the yard relaxed I laid

Amongst the children’s happy shouts

On a blanket as music played

Update:

Orange marmalade, I presume?

Update 2:

*click....click* starting to format new poem... marmalade / mad hatter and hare/ will a wild hair do?

10 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    You have a brand new pair of roller skates,and I"ve got a brand new key! I enjoyed this immensely! Made Me feel like a child again! Wish I were there! Very nice,pleasant write!! I have not heard that song in years!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    All that was missing was the Mad Hatter and March Hare - who I am a descendant of, coincidentally.

  • 1 decade ago

    giggling

    smiling

    giggling with this read.

    Mary Jo's party is indeed a hit!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    So fun to read about a tea party; it sounded wonderful. I love tea parties; I see you do too :)

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    Another enjoyable read. Check your sixth stanza as to me had some flow problems as I read: 'we all sit...adults'

  • jenny
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    This poem was a joy to read, one of your finest writes I would say.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Intresting ... but I couldn't quite get into it without there being frogs and slingshots.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your poem is so long I had to read it wiv a stepladder. Could do wiv more marmalade.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    And why wasn't I invited??

    Again - another fantastical (that's a word?) story of childhood.

  • 1 decade ago

    lemonade

    marmalade

    in the shade

    got it made

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.